Just because I'm there doesn't mean I'm free childcare

[itsmeits]

I go out once a week and take my DDs with me 7 and 13. It's a social evening thing, the girls love it, there are different activities on.
My sister has started coming fine no issue with that. Her mate is now coming with her DD 8
This is where the issue is. They swan off for 15-30 min cig breaks and leave the child unattended. Going for a cig is the announcement and off they pop.
Last night child of sisters friend was messing about and has hurt themselves, mum nowhere to be seen for over 20mins.
I am being blamed for not watching the child 😳
Apparently announcing I'm going for a cig is que for me to watch her child - never have either said can you watch DD while I nip out. Plus I don't know this child, met her a few times that's it.
When this happened I should have been sat with/watching her DD not participating in an activity my DDs wanted to do.

My sister is trying to rip me a new one and her friend has threatened to report me to SS for neglect, as it was my neglect (according to them) that has caused this hospital visit and her to be reported to SS.

Should I have watched this child
YANBU you have your DDs she needs to step up
YABU she's a single mum provide free cig breaks child care for her

If you know the woman is taking liberties, you know she was expecting something from OP.

And please don’t call me a gaslighter. The OP asked for opinions and my opinion is that if I knew somebody was assuming I would watch their child and I couldn’t, I would say. Whether it was my responsibility or not, whether the other mum communicated badly or not. I would make myself clearly understood.

How very righteous of you

It at all righteous. Basic common sense.

If the child was younger I’d agree to some extent but as it is the child is at an age where most could be left unsupervised in an otherwise safe environment with a parent close by.

Nothing was agreed or spoken about.

As I said before, it would be;

’I am going for fag’
’I am not watching your kid’

It makes as much sense as

‘I am going for a bath’
’I am not going to mow your lawn’

I think when they are little there is an unspoken assumption often that the group of adults will all keep a look out but most of us would still check it’s ok to nip off. But at this age the assumption would be that the parent has risk assessed and deems it safe enough to step out.

Common sense is not to adandon your child expecting those around you to take up that responsibility after gate crashing.

You are gaslighting by basically trying to call out the OP for looking after gate crashers daughter.

And it is righteous to say you would do 'the right thing' and make OP feel bad.

OP you did nothing wrong. You could have been watching said child and it could have still happened. Kids should be looked after by their own parents unless an agreement in situ for their absence.

I'm surprised that, even though you now know there is ongoing SS involvement due to poor decision making on behalf of the child's mother, you are still asserting that the OP had some responsibility and was somehow negligent.

I’m not saying the OP was negligent. I said, from the outset, that the mum should not have assumed OP was watching the child.

My only point of difference is that as OP knew she was expected to be watching the child, she could have made it clear that she wasn’t able to.

I’m not saying she was negligent. I’m saying she chose not to communicate.

She didn’t ‘know’ though. There was nothing said. It could just as easily be the mother complaining about her interfering if she just assumed and started telling her daughter what to do/not do.

I guess, at a push you could argue that she could have asked ‘who’s watching [childs name]? But the assumption I would make is that the child is fine in their own if the parent just announced she’s popping out. It would also be quite intrusive and critical because you are questioning her decision in an implicit way. And she didn’t invite this woman, doesn’t really know her, and was there with her kids. If a loose acquaintance that happened to be at the same place as me suddenly said she was nipping put it would never occur to me to consider her childcare arrangements.

I Love this place.
They have put up several tongue in cheek posters 😂
All unaccompanied children will be.....
Feed all the sweets we have
Left in the car park tied to the fence
Flash auctioned on Ebay.
Sold to the local takeaway yummy!
Given to the lucky lucky man
Stuffed and put on the bonfire as this years guy

No sign of my sister or the mother and child. It's been a lovely evening.

Really glad they didn't turn up tonight OP. Glad you had a lovely evening 😊

Excellent! On all counts. Love their posters.

Brilliant!

I meant a responsibility to communicate and was negligent in not doing so.

Lol I love the posters