Really upset with family’s reaction

[Autumnhedgehog]

I have recently won my pip mandatory reconsideration for both PMDD and ADHD. Also generalised anxiety and depression.
I am currently unable to work as I’m not well enough.

I’m really upset as my parents and my brother think I’m taking the piss with getting pip it seems. My brother called it a ‘pisstake’ when he found out and my mum thinks that he’s right to feel that way as he’s working a full week and in her words I’m “sitting about at home, getting free money”
I’m feeling really down about it, as I thought they’d be pleased for me. It’s taken a lot of strength to get through the assessment processes and the stress of it made me feel very ill at times.

I’m now starting to question the decision and I feel like a bit of a fraud or something.

I'm on the fence with pip etc.

We do not have an endless supply of money to provide benefits. There is going to come a point in the next generation where all this is looked at and they tighten even more on paying out. If someone does have a genuine medical condition they should get support, but there are too many who don't want to work, my neighbour for one.

Sadly I think alot of these benefits depend on who assesses you. My mum with terminal cancer was told she didn't qualify as in the words of the assessor "you could work in a library or something'. We never took the decision further as mum died suddenly.

I work as a School Improvement Advisor - with schools, children and families. I meet parents every working day who do not work, claiming one kind of illness or another -physical or mental. Many have never worked. They do absolutely nothing and have no intention of working. They are absolutely bone idle. They pass this on to their children who think it's fine not to go to school, don't do GCSEs - often claiming long-term illness (never actually diagnosed but they and their parents are sure they have whatever it is).
I am not talking about people who are genuinely ill and unable to work.
The money wasted supporting families like this is vast. They want for very little and do nothing to contribute to society. In their backgrounds is often some form of offending, there own parents may well not have worked. They think they have a right to make that choice and for the State to support them. The other day it was Miss X who is well-known to soc.services, police (drunkenness and shoplifting) and education. She says she has terrible asthma and COPD and it's getting worse (according to Social Services she has no diagnosis of either). At a meeting about the neglect of her younger child (non-attender at school) she and her older daughter (now left school but didn't attend from age 13) sat and smoked continually. Neither of them work. The meeting was held at her house because she is 'not well-enough' to attend social services. She is in her mid 40s, has 4 children. The older 2 left school several years ago. None of this family have ever worked.
I see people like this every day- perhaps not as extreme in terms of numbers in one family but parents who have never worked from choice and feign illness.
She has money enough for a decent car, cigarettes, alcohol, is provided with a house, lives on benefits and has her hand out for every single thing going. Has never contributed anything to society or to N Ins.
There are many less extreme who just don't work. They just don't see it as an issue. I am quite blunt about it and the example they set when I discuss their children with them. Some get very defensive but often they just shrug it off- with a laugh, kind of 'Well why should I?'
I would take their benefits off them. I'm not saying they live in luxury but they are not struggling. Yet I meet parents who do work who are less well-off but work9ng is important to them. Their children might have blips with school but are much more likely to be in school and getting support to make it work.

And we don't now. People only get PIP if they can prove to quite exacting assessors that their conditions are causing them significant expense. A diagnosis isn't enough.

It is not easier to get disability benefits now than 20 or 30 years ago. Most disabled people, whom I know, find the system tougher now than in the past..

One thing that I always had against Blair is that very early in his time in office, he significantly reduced in-work disability benefits. I was not receiving or applying for any such benefits; but I found the whole attitude upsetting, and thought that it would result in fewer disabled people working.

Austerity made things worse. One thing that's not often mentioned is that there used to be sheltered workshops for people whose disabilities prevented them from working in the open market. These were mostly abolished under the Cameron government.

Of course, if you go back far enough, to the 70s and earlier, many people with learning difficulties and mental health conditions were placed in institutions!

I'm very sorry you got those responses. They were unjustified and cruel. The fact that you're trying to volunteer despite your difficulties says a lot about you as a person: your decency and determination. If you were awarded PIP you jolly well deserve it. I hope you find ways to work through your illness and treatments but in the meantime accept the help offered and don't talk to your family about it again; they don't understand and to be honest it doesn't sound like they want to. Take care x

What's this got to do with the price of fish?

I'm sorry about what happened to your mum, but there are special rules when someone is diagnosed with terminal cancer. Her specialist nurse should have filled a form in for her then there would be no assessment. Your mum would have automatically qualified for pip and she would have got her first payment within 6 weeks.there's a special department who deal with terminally ill claimants

These families would not get pip, or even dla for the children without a diagnosis at the very least and evidence of how their conditions affect them in the form of consultants letters, scans, test results etc.

I have never mentioned PIP or DLA. I was asked about my views about the number of people who don't work and why I think so many claim to be ill- was it because of what I do or the Press. I see these people every day through my job. I am not saying they claim PIP or DLA - but they don't work and do get benefits.

I’m not in agreement with the poster you quoted, but neither DLA nor PIP require a diagnosis.

They do require evidence of need, however.

This is true, but only if the Claimant is expected to live less than 12 months. Many people with incurable cancer have to claim in the ‘normal’ way, and it sounds as though the pp’s mum died before she was expected to, sadly.

This kind of story isn’t uncommon. That decision would likely have been overturned at appeal / MR stage. But decisions like that are made all the time. With illegal justifications that are not in any way related to the eligibility criteria

Unfortunately not. It seems as though if a disabled person dares to remain married, they are punished. It's really shit. I've tried with UC, they awarded it and then when my statement came through, I'm entitled to a massive zero. I've worked all my life. It makes me very upset that now I need help, it's not available to me.

This sort of replies really baffle me me. OK, so the fact you can work means everyone else does too? It's not a race to the bottom who has more conditions and manages to work despite. It's pretty horrible to accuse a person with multiple health reason to be a burden on the taxpayer just because yo uare not entitled to benefits or could not be bothered applying for them.

Maybe the next generation will look at all the big companies who avoid paying taxes and hedge funds and whatnot. That would bring a bit more money to the pot than a bunch of disabled peopel claiming benefits.

Hi OP, o don't receive any health benifits but I do receive a small UC top up on top of my wage.
I work as much as I possibly can for a job I've worked up to achieve. I'm a single mum to two young children.

My sister ALWAYS makes snide remarks about my UC. Recently I bought a pair of boots which cost £100. I've genially spent ages saving for them. All my money goes in my children, I literally never treat myself! But I saved for these and I deserve them. She keeps referring to them as "a gift from the tax payer". She won't ever allow me to complain about money because "if you want more money you should work more so it's your fault". She will never ever be satisfied that I'm a hard working person or deserving of anything whilst I get UC because it's feee money.

She hurts me, a lot. She makes me feel like absolute crap. Like I don't deserve anything. I never chose this life, I wish I never had to claim it, but I do!

I guess I'm sharing because some people just like this. They cannot put themselves in someone else's shoes or understand things from their perspective or abilities. You just have to realise that you can't talk to these people about these things . You'll never get the response or understanding you deserve from them. That's on them, not on you ❤️

Your sister is vile.

I’m surprised if you’re not eligible for ESA, as it isn’t means tested and is based on NI contributions, so is designed for people who have worked but become unable to. Have you applied for ESA and been rejected?

The UC eligibility is more complicated but being on pip would exempt you from the benefits cap and you could apply for the LCWRA group. Your DH’s earnings will be taken into account though. Whereas someone who doesn’t have a partner has no other money coming into the household.

Did you apply for LCWRA as part of your UC? As that would likely change your entitlement.

i do agree that people who earn just over the threshold end up worse off than people who are eligible, and that is shite.

Good for you, OP. I hope your situation improves.

I know someone who I think has PMDD, and her life is marred by it. She hasn't had a diagnoses, but what she goes through every month, sounds like it is PMDD. She's working part time, but struggles to do that.

I know it must be really upsetting not having the support of your family, but they're not going through the same journey as you and won't realise how difficult life can be for you. Keep your business to yourself & say nothing to anyone

Getting PIP is not easy. If you have been awarded it then it's because you need it.

There will always be people who think you are just "workshy". I don't believe you are, and I'm sorry that your family do.

There are huge numbers of people at HMRC trying to do this already. It’s really not that easy. Otherwise they would have managed it already. The reality is that different tax jurisdictions exist internationally and compete with each other for highly skilled workers, taxpayers and businesses. At the moment, our tax rate is past the peak of the Laffer curve. This means increasing taxes further will reduce the total tax take, not increase it.

By way of examples:

1. Our corporation tax was increased by Jeremy Hunt from 19% to 25%. This makes it higher than almost every other European country. Higher than high tax countries like Denmark and Sweden and double that of Ireland. Consequently businesses looking to grow are relocating away from the U.K. and businesses looking to set up a base in Europe are not choosing the U.K.
2. Our tax set-up actively disadvantages tax paying parents, making the U.K. one of the most expensive countries in Europe to have children. The marginal tax rate for some parents of pre-school children is over 100% if they are slightly above the threshold for receiving subsidised childcare.
3. We have the highest tax rates in our history with the exception of the very end of WW2, but even then, taxes largely did not impact ordinary workers. The freezing of tax thresholds during the recent period of high inflation has pushed many ordinary jobs into the 40% income tax bracket. Add to that 13% employer NI contribution (which is invisible because it’s on top of your salary) and 10% employee NI and you are looking at a marginal rate of 63%. This has all been happening during a time when utility bills have quadrupled and mortgage rates tripled. Many people are on their knees, wondering how long they can carry on for.

Quantitive easing to pay for lockdown has driven inflation so more of that isn’t an option. Putting taxes up further isn’t an option either. This means the government’s only choice is to cut spending. And that’s hard to do when they want to spend £22 billion on an experimental carbon capture project under the North Sea etc etc. Hence the rather callous approach to Winter Fuel Allowances. We will have to watch this space, but I have been given to understand that PIP is likely to be reviewed with the view to bringing the cost down in the next few years.

We have 8,000,000+ adults of working age who claim they are unfit to work- pay no tax or NI and are being supported by the tax system to live.
8,000,000 in a country with approx 44,000,000 adults of working age .
That is 20% of adults who should be contributing to the pot who contribute nothing and simply take from the system.

Hi op,

Gosh family can be harsh. I am sorry you are feeling down, sending a gentle hug 🌺

First of all, you need to think of yourself and what is it you think is achievable in the long term. Benefits change and what you have now is not a guarantee for the future. Maybe, that is also why your family is reacting like that? It must be frightening to them. To be able to work is a security for you and for your immediate family too.

I hope you get where you want to be. I don’t have practical advice but if you do have some money, you at least have some time. Make sure, you offer to cover some costs of your parents as I understand you are at theirs?

Good luck

Your sister sounds delightful (not )
I pray you don’t spend much time with / around her
you don’t need that negativity !!!!

I understand OP.
I have had similar from a family member. Made a few sly digs. I think it's disgusting of him and I won't forget it.
People can be awful. Even family, sometimes they can be the worst.

Just to add, I do work but not 'enough' according to the family member in question. I have 2 chronic health conditions for context. I don't claim anything either. Just relating to the OP and her ignorant family members.

What rubbish I know someone with crohn's and I also know what he went through to get PIP and how difficult it is to get so If you family did not say it I will, Well done hun and I hope you health improves in time.