Really upset with family’s reaction

[Autumnhedgehog]

I have recently won my pip mandatory reconsideration for both PMDD and ADHD. Also generalised anxiety and depression.
I am currently unable to work as I’m not well enough.

I’m really upset as my parents and my brother think I’m taking the piss with getting pip it seems. My brother called it a ‘pisstake’ when he found out and my mum thinks that he’s right to feel that way as he’s working a full week and in her words I’m “sitting about at home, getting free money”
I’m feeling really down about it, as I thought they’d be pleased for me. It’s taken a lot of strength to get through the assessment processes and the stress of it made me feel very ill at times.

I’m now starting to question the decision and I feel like a bit of a fraud or something.

You are correct we do all judge to an extent, but I can honestly say that I keep my opinion between me and my husband. The comments that I have read on Mumsnet, not just this post, have been atrocious. I'm sure op has been disgusted and upset over some of the things that have been said.

Why have you asked that? What relevance is it?

I do hope you're not a GP. I can't imagine someone in mental distress being treated well by you.

I am not a GP no.

I asked as the OP herself said her family, her parents and brother ( who does work f/t) were both thinking the OP was taking the %%ss and that to me was telling, and I was trying to ascertain if the OP had ever worked. Her families reaction seemed quite harsh and I wondered where that had come from.

I think that you're all missing the point. If you had a family member that had clearly been struggling with multiple conditions for a prolonged period and they finally got formally diagnosed and given support for it, would your reaction to thier face be to tell them that they're "taking the piss"? And not only that, gang up with another member of the family against them.

Think about that for a moment.

That is what this thread is about.

I think that the basis of this problem is that either OPs family do not understand her conditions, or they simply don't want to. ADHD and PMDD are quite misunderstood and wide-ranging conditions. They are also mainly "hidden" disorders where the depth of what OP is suffering is not observable like a broken leg is, and what people can see is often "difficult behaviours" caused by the condition. This leads to people treating the sufferer poorly, resulting in worsening of their condition, until they can get help in the form of therapy.

The question should not be about OPs work history. It should be about her relationship with her family and whether they've ever been supportive in the past. If they have, then maybe they just don't currently understand her conditions and what she's going through. If not, then they could even be part of the problem that has contributed OPs anxiety and other issues through constant invalidation. Hopefully therapy will help OP to work this all out.

@Tessiebear2023 Completely agree with both your comments.I think what happened, the thread got sidetracked, due to some people, choosing, to use it as a benefit bashing thread and as you said, completely missing point, which you’ve just explained so clearly.Unfortunately due to this, other posters including myself, were so appalled, were basically addressing all the horrible comments, to reassure OP, was being treated unfairly.And yes, definitely agree, this is about OP’s relationship with her family and the lack of understanding of her health (hidden) conditions.The attitude being, we can’t see it, or don’t want to, so people choose not to believe and dismiss.
I really hope, OP knows not everyone thinks this way and empathises with how she’s been treated.

Thanks for explaining. I also hope that OP has managed to get some help from this thread despite it getting hijacked.

The sad fact is that the benefits system is not really working, until we have a better system of helping and supporting people with chronic conditions from a much younger age, where people are assisted and encouraged with what they CAN do, it seems that the stigma will continue. Whatever, it shouldn't be seen as shameful or a stick to beat people with, and certainly not thrown in the face of someone looking for a bit of support.

Yes absolutely.Also MH services are so under resourced and are overlooked, the wait times are long, for therapies, referrals.There just isn’t enough support out there for people, with mental health difficulties.So add in families, who aren’t being supportive, people just feel really isolated.
Years ago, people, could go into rehabilitation places instead of hospitals, to get their medications reviewed, have therapy’s which were fast tracked, many of these places have closed.People are having to, rely on primary care, there are times, where they require specialist treatment/support and they’re not getting it.
Think we can see, there’s so much more to mental health than, that’s currently being portrayed.

Unfortunately, my feelings are influenced by my experiences of people receiving PIP who seem fine to me; many have sought support from others to complete applications. The people who I am referring to don't require additional support .
Whilst I am sure that there are people who genuinely require PIP, there are others who play the system

This thread is more about how people, are treated, who have hidden health conditions, if you looked deeper into the thread, it’s not actually about benefits.
Your response is a prime example of this.

If I misunderstood the thread, I apologise

@GivingitToGod You don’t need to apologise
Think @Tessiebear2023 just really explained it, just looking deeper into it.

I get PIP for the problems caused by having Schizoaffective Disorder and epilepsy.

I can only work part time unfortunately- I would love to work full time but even part time is a struggle.
This is because I get very paranoid about my colleagues at work to the point that Im now hearing their voices when they're not talking - basically I'm not too sure if what I'm hearing is real anymore.
I also get very fatigued with my high doses of medication.
I can't see my psychiatrist until the end of Nov.

Sometimes my sister gets envious of the pip and I say would you rather live like me and she says no, she wouldn't.

I do feel that my colleagues suspect I'm on this benefit as certain things have been implied; they must wonder where I get my money from.
I haven't applied for ESA as well as I can't cope with going through the benefits application process again. Also I think I would have to work less hours than I do.

Although my job is on the one hand causing me a lot of stress; I also get a lot out of it.

The big difficulty is that my department is moving and I'll soon be reinterviewed.

I'm not so sure anyone will want me.

@sommerjade it’s really positive and helpful, to hear other people’s personal experiences, regarding health conditions and not feel you’re being judged💙which is what this thread is about.

@Lanzarotelady I haven’t been back on this post for a while but yes I have worked since I was 17 (part time) until 4 years ago, I went to university too.
I haven’t worked since 2021.

I've said it before on similar threads most claimants would give their eye teeth to be healthy and not have to undergo the stresses that claiming benefits brings.it most definitely is not easy as certain sections of the media portray.
It's a spirit crushing process and you have to bare your soul to all manner of invasive and undignified questions.