Really upset with family’s reaction

[Autumnhedgehog]

I have recently won my pip mandatory reconsideration for both PMDD and ADHD. Also generalised anxiety and depression.
I am currently unable to work as I’m not well enough.

I’m really upset as my parents and my brother think I’m taking the piss with getting pip it seems. My brother called it a ‘pisstake’ when he found out and my mum thinks that he’s right to feel that way as he’s working a full week and in her words I’m “sitting about at home, getting free money”
I’m feeling really down about it, as I thought they’d be pleased for me. It’s taken a lot of strength to get through the assessment processes and the stress of it made me feel very ill at times.

I’m now starting to question the decision and I feel like a bit of a fraud or something.

I don’t think you should question yourself - it’s a really difficult process and PIP is not awarded without reasons. And I’m sure you’d rather were without all problems and without PIP.
It’s awful that your family is ignorant and unsupportive, in my personal experience it’s usually one of the reasons for mental health issues especially anxiety. I would be really cross with them and wouldn’t share much info about myself after this. I wouldn’t go no contact officially just less contact to preserve my mental strength.
Do you see them often and do you need to see them often for any reasons? If not I wouldn’t bother much apart from minor effort e.g Christmas, birthdays, and similar.

Oh op I am so sorry your parents should have been supportive. The reactions you are getting from your family and some people on here say a lot about them and nothing about you.

PIP is difficult to claim, it is not means tested, so plenty of working people claim it. It is to help you manage the additional costs of living with a serious health issue.

If anyone wants to educate themselves on the impact of disability on living costs, Scope have done some excellent research.
www.scope.org.uk/campaigns/research-policy/cost-of-living-report

I agree. I don't believe for one minute that everyone with mental health problems, and depression will be 'happier,' and 'healthier' - and will have better mental health - if they go out to work. Most workplaces are shite. Toxic and cliquey with stressful environments. And most jobs are boring and tedious, or hard work (or both!)

Being at home, doing what you want when you want to do it, waking when you want, chilling, and doing your favourite hobbies, and seeing your friends and your family when you want to - is much better for mental health and well-being for many people. (Rather than being in a boring or stressful job, working for 'the man' often for a pittance, and often with some horrible people! Like most people do.)

Ignore the haters and beraters @Autumnhedgehog You deserve your PIP. You would not have got it otherwise.

Ah, the brigade of clueless people who have no idea what it’s like to exist with debilitating conditions. Yeah because subsisting on meagre payments is so much better than being able to have a rewarding career. Or any career.

Wait with the what now? Are you being ironic?!

@MrsCobbit I have reported your comment.

I am sick and tired of bitter, judgemental people who know sod all about disability or mental health thinking it is OK to pile up on people who claim PIP.

OP, you don't need to justify yourself to anyone and your family should have your back when you are struggling rather than try to pull you down.

Keep you head high and look after yourself.

It’s an odd and disappointing reaction by your family. Do they feel mental health problems aren’t real? Have they form for minimising things that are going on for you? Bottom line: you don’t have to evidence the impact of your health problems and you don’t have to justify yourself to your family. If your brother were too ill to work, I assume he’d feel entitled to claim sick pay? You simply need to do what’s best for you. I’d be keeping information about my health to a strict minimum if my family reacted in such a judgemental manner.

That comment was vile wasn't it?

@Autumnhedgehog your benefits are none of your families business.

I hope they realise that their taxes may be beneficial to them if they ever find themselves with a change of circumstances, and find themselves in a situation where they are unable to work due to ill health, whether that be mental or physical.

Do people not understand that working or not has nothing to do with being awarded PIP?

It is a non means tested benefit, plenty of people who are awarded PIP work, the ignorance and abelism here is vile.

Bet your db is the golden child.
If he’d been supportive your dm would have too.

PIP is hard to get. Hope things improve for you op.

You've been awarded, that means your claim has been backed up by medical professionals. Fuck what others think. Family members can be such twats some times.

Do you know how patronising you sound?

Do you think the OP doesn’t already know that being out of work can sometimes worsen mental health?

You don’t know the OP’s situation. None of us do. Only she does. And I’m pretty sure if she’s saying she can’t work then she isn’t able to work at the moment, regardless of whether she would like to or not.

Your comments about contraception and antidepressants are really harmful too. I, as someone with endo and PMDD has taken multiple antidepressants, therapies and more contraception than I can count and I still suffer daily with horrendous physical pain and fatigue. You, as a fellow Endo sufferer, should know dam well that female healthcare in this county is an absolute shut show and thousands of women are left to suffer and unable to work due to lack of research and appropriate care/treatments.

Shame on you.

But it varies doesn't it? I'm waiting for surgery for stage 4 endo and adenomyosis and a 9cm endometrioma
Plus other health issues
I'm working but it's a real fucking struggle when no painkillers touch the pain, and I can't work if I'm on all fours screaming

Your endo and my endo and other peoples aren't the same so if someone can't work because of it who am I to say that's wrong

I don’t think people should get disability payments for those conditions. They’re the kind of thing people get on with. That’s just my opinion though and as they say opinions are like x everyone has one. If you’re not ashamed of claiming and believe you are ‘entitled’ to it why are you bothered?

I get why people do get jealous, it's quite a lot of money and when the condition is invisible it can be hard to convey the severity. I have a hidden condition and my ex never accepted that's why I get tired, working pt I can do plus normal family stuff but full time I couldn't manage.

From a mental health standpoint working can help but needs to be the right job, think of the money as a breathing space to work out strategies going forward

Having ADHD is also extremely exacerbated by the PMDD, the truth is no one here has any right to judge you simply because their experience of a condition hasn't rendered them to the point of requiring help.

The medical professionals that see and treat you have sent evidence to the decision makers and they have awarded it to you.

Instead of reading this and thinking " gosh I am glad we can support people with problems like this in our society and make sure they don't suffer financially " and recognising that they may also one day need to apply for it they resent it because they feel entitled themselves but aren't.

It's a horrible trait to have, very human but only really selfish and low quality people think this way.

Good for you for pushing through with the claim, it is a soul destroying and exhausting process. If you passed the assessment you deserve it. Hopefully that and the volunteering that you are doing will be the start of you building confidence. If you had been my child I would have been proud of you and delighted for you. To have your health problems recognised and acknowledged is a boost in a world which often seems to shame people rather than support them. 💐

Are you a medical professional?
Do you even understand what these conditions are and how they can affect people?
Do you realise you are only one accident or illness away from requiring help such as PIP?

No doubt should the day ever come when she needs it, of course it will be totally justified.

Very shortsighted thinking.

They’re the kind of thing people get on with

You do realise that in a lot of cases, people with clinical depression are unable to leave their beds, shower and even brush their teeth? Anxiety can have a debilitating affect on people’s lives and health also. So it’s not really something to just ‘get on with’. When people are unable to just ‘get on with it’ in times of crisis they fucking kill themselves.

Like physical health conditions, mental health conditions can vary of the severity.

And it’s not you “just having an opinion”, it’s you making a really uneducated and ill-informed statement, which isn’t helpful to the OP’s situation or circumstances.

No wonder mental health is still such a taboo subject.

🙄

Not even justifying this with a response.

@SabreIsMyFave
"Being at home, doing what you want when you want to do it, waking when you want, chilling, and doing your favourite hobbies, and seeing your friends and your family when you want to - is much better for mental health and well-being for many people. (Rather than being in a boring or stressful job, working for 'the man' often for a pittance, and often with some horrible people! Like most people do.)"

Trouble is, most people can't afford to stay home to do that.