Really upset with family’s reaction

[Autumnhedgehog]

I have recently won my pip mandatory reconsideration for both PMDD and ADHD. Also generalised anxiety and depression.
I am currently unable to work as I’m not well enough.

I’m really upset as my parents and my brother think I’m taking the piss with getting pip it seems. My brother called it a ‘pisstake’ when he found out and my mum thinks that he’s right to feel that way as he’s working a full week and in her words I’m “sitting about at home, getting free money”
I’m feeling really down about it, as I thought they’d be pleased for me. It’s taken a lot of strength to get through the assessment processes and the stress of it made me feel very ill at times.

I’m now starting to question the decision and I feel like a bit of a fraud or something.

What would you like them to call it? People are paid benefits, so when they receive those they can describe it as being paid. It would be cumbersome, pedantic and unnecessarily stigmatising to have to say "when my benefits come through" every time, when all that's needed is "after I'm paid".

It's true that "my pay" is more or less synonymous with "my wage" or "my salary", and implies money received for work done, but "being paid" can refer to receiving money for any reason — receiving compensation, selling goods, receiving a benefit payment either from government or from a private insurance scheme, being paid prize money or reward money, etc.

I have never mentioned PIP or people who work part-time and, if you bothered to read before you leap to take personal offence, I recognise that there are people with serious mental health conditions that do prevent work and/or cause crises that mean time off is necessary.
The poster I was responding to was saying she/he has two friends who don't like going to work, don't want to work, one only works so she can 'buy nice things' but doesn't like going, finds it stressful, one had once even felt sick at the thought so had been to get signed off. How you can defend that position is incredible to me.
We can not sustain supporting that kind of attitude. 1 in 5 of our working age population do not work at all because they say they are unfit to work- they do not work at all. They contribute nothing. These are people aged between 18 and 65, not pensioners, not people who work part-time, not people who are unemployed and looking for work, or people who are temporarily off sick. They are 20 % of our work-age population who refuse to work at all because they claim they are unfit to work. The number is growing rapidly.
I do not believe one in 5 of us is that unwell. We would be the most unhealthy country in the world if that is true- and we are not.
When you defend them, that is the number you are defending.
If I look at my family, friends and neighbours, I don't know anyone who is in that category. I have a friend with MS who works part-time and a friend who was diagnosed with cancer who is 63 and had 3 months off and returned to her part-time job. They are not the people I am describing- they work. I am describing 1 in 5 adults who never work, ever.

You know that that figure includes SAHPs (including those who have a partner that can support the family, and those who have taken a slight career break to raise very young children but have every intention of going back to work once the kids are in school) and people who have taken early retirement right?

No it isn't what I said. So 'don't be out here' with your patronising, inaccurate remarks. Saying your friends don't like going to work, find it a bit stressful and only work to 'get nice things' is not any kind of serious contribution to a discussion about incapacitating mental health of the type that would cause someone to never be able to work. So 'don't be out here' defending the indefensible in terms of turning people who don't like work into people unfit for work- they aren't. And I understand serious depression- I have felt like killing myself many times. Feeling like you don't fancy going to work or finding it a bit stressful or anxiety making is not being seriously depressed.
Depression is not constant- it does not make you unable to work at all, ever. It fluctuates across time, it is a condition that can be treated and managed. It improves with medication in 95%+ of cases. It can certainly cause crises- which I recognise in my post. It has in my own life- I have had times where I have been very unwell but I have learned how to manage it and always worked- with a few periods of short-term sickness absence across the years. So 'don't be out here' with your ill-informed, patronising remarks.

No it doesn't. It is people who are declaring themselves unable to work because they are not well enough to work. So unless the people you mention fall into that category and claim benefits for that they are not counted in that figure.

For example, someone taking early retirement and living off a private pension does not count in that figure. If they then claim some kind of state benefit for being unable to work they will count.

Where are you getting these figures. Multiple sources on the first page of a google search say that about 10% of the working age population are out of work and claiming out of work benefit unless I'm getting it wrong somehow. Which would suggest that 10% are out of work but not relying on benefits. Of the 10% on benefits, the vast majority of these people will be genuinely ill or disabled. Research has been done that shows that we do have a massive problem with genuine and serious illness, caused by all sorts of things not least the terrible state of the NHS. Citizens of other comparable foreign countries are better cared for and so do not get as sick.

Yes it does! Economically inactive includes everyone who doesn’t work - even full time students, carers, SAHPs and early retirees. Economic inactivity figures have nothing to do with claiming out of work benefits.

I literally said "that isn't what you said". I guess you're the type that likes being listened to but doesn't listen. Good luck with that.

I think your figures are way of and I don't believe their are 1 in 5 adults who have never worked. Also not working and being entitled to pip are very different things. Also dependant on where you live and your finances it can take years to get help for mental health. It's a postcode lottery.for e.g. where I live doesn't offer dbt which is the treatment for eupd so I'm just not allowed it so am at a bigger disadvantage then someone who lives in a different part of the country. So maybe instead of telling people you just need to get on with it maybe focus on improving mh services across the country so that everyone has an equal and fair chance to be able to get on with it

You need to stop engaging, he/she just wants to be the loudest in the room with "i know wtf I'm talking about and you don't" attitude.

Sorry your family are not supportive. I hope you can get the support you need through therapy. I have found daily gentle exercise like swimming, walking, yoga or jogging incredibly beneficial for my mental and physical wellbeing. As a younger woman I suffered with depression, terrible menstrual mood swings. I also have ADHD. I do find exercise helps a lot. Wishing you all the best xx

It is not 'economically inactive'.

I have never mentioned PIP at all as part of this- ever. My comments are about the number of working age people who do not work at all because they claim they are unfit for any work. It is the number and the % it represents of work-age people - ie those who mainly pay the tax and NI that support our systems- that I am commenting on. It is not about anyone else or any particular benefit.
They are the official figures published this week - not my figures.

But your writing it on a post about pip and your stating people with mental illness should just get on with it without acknowledging different circumstances such as the nhs postcode lottery

Congratulations OP for winning your appeal. PIP is not easy to get (despite what some people may think) so hold your head up, you are eligible for the support and entitled to claim it. It will make your life a lot easier, for example access to therapy, and give you a buffer as at the moment you are unable to work.
You family sound utterly unsympathetic and unsupportive. That must be rely hard to have so little understanding from those that are meant to support you the most.
My DD has autism diagnosis and my family still don't really believe in it, but this maybe because they have many autistic traits too!

If you look at my original comment it was about the number - someone then asked a question about my comment and I explained why I think the number is so high. I have never commented on PIP or who should/shouldn't get it .

My concern is the number of people not working at all, claiming to be unfit to work again/ever, and not contributing to the system. It has increased rapidly in recent years. The system can not sustain this. The birth rate has fallen. We have more older people and a low % of people paying tax and NI . We pay the worst state pension rate in Europe and have the worst maternity benefit system and a grossly under-funded NHS. Our taxes are high. And we support- with whatever benefits- 20% of the work-age population who claim they are too ill to do any work at all and contribute nothing. The figure is inflated by people who could work but choose not to.

I'm done. Fed-up with saying it.

Why are you discussing your personal finches with other people . People judge and they have no idea what affects one person may not affect another . PIP doesn't mean you sit around all day it is there for people who work too. Anyone who judges are wrong for doing so . Use it for private therapy then volunteer somewhere and try a part time job that suits you when you start to feel better . Disability isn't straight cut.

Sorry I meant finances.
A family member judged me once and I've not spoken about finances since

Oh, really? Why doesn't he try getting an assessment so he can sit around and get money... oh, I was forgetting... he does not qualify.

Have you ever worked OP?

I am a GP. Obviously I can’t prove it without giving away my name, which I’m not going to do. But I am a GP. The remark about being paid is something I have heard from patients and also a family member. Why would you think patients wouldn’t say that to me? Patients talk about anything and everything, and finances are a very common topic of conversation.

It’s a small midlands town, and lots of families stay local. In fact my DP’s family (different town but still midlands) have 3 generations within a 2 mile radius.

@Freeyourminds my reason for stating my job is because that is the context in which I have this experience. If I wasn’t writing the sick notes I wouldn’t know any of it would I !

That’s just hearsay, there’s no proof on an anonymous forum, that you are actually a GP.
By saying you’re a GP, it’s like you’re validating your comment.If you are actually a GP, it’s so wrong that you’re judging patients (that’s not part of someone’s job, whose working within social care, the nhs)
Like people with mental health conditions, hidden conditions, which aren’t always visible, haven’t got enough to contend with, the people who are supposed to be, supporting them, are not staying neutral, being prejudicial

I did wonder how long it would take before the mean comments started. If the op has been awarded Pip then it’s not for anyone to judge. Congratulations op, and I hope it helps you enjoy your life better. Unfortunately, you would be better off not telling anyone because you will be judged by people who don't know you and have no clue what your life is like.