Page 10 | Really upset with family’s reaction

kerstina · 05/10/2024 19:02

Octavia64 · 03/10/2024 22:28

The whole narrative around working helping mental illness really annoys me.

I have a severe physical disability due to being in an accident and smashing my foot up. As a result of not being able to walk and being in constant pain I also have depression and anxiety.

I worked for nine years after my accident from a wheelchair. Working when you are physically disabled really does not help your depression or your anxiety as lifts break, you have to crawl down stairs, toilets are inaccessible etc.

Working didn't help my anxiety or my depression and in fact made them significantly worse as I had to fight for every reasonable adjustment I got.

I was just about to say the same . Work can actually cause anxiety and depression. Especially if you have a vile manager and already have self esteem issues.
when people say to you work improves your self esteem what they really mean is they hold you in more esteem if you work.

MustWeDoThis · 05/10/2024 19:17

Autumnhedgehog · 03/10/2024 21:58

I have recently won my pip mandatory reconsideration for both PMDD and ADHD. Also generalised anxiety and depression.
I am currently unable to work as I’m not well enough.

I’m really upset as my parents and my brother think I’m taking the piss with getting pip it seems. My brother called it a ‘pisstake’ when he found out and my mum thinks that he’s right to feel that way as he’s working a full week and in her words I’m “sitting about at home, getting free money”
I’m feeling really down about it, as I thought they’d be pleased for me. It’s taken a lot of strength to get through the assessment processes and the stress of it made me feel very ill at times.

I’m now starting to question the decision and I feel like a bit of a fraud or something.

I have PMDD, ADHD, clinical depression, general anxiety disorder, vasculitis of the legs, diabetes, stress, use a wheelchair. I receive high rate PIP, work full-time and study full-time with the OU. I also work for the DWP. It doesn't stop me from utilising my hands at a desk job, I utilise occupational health, the work counsellor, and therapy from the GP Counsellor and mental health services. Occupational Health means I can take time off work when really sick and return to my job. I have sick and caring passports on my work file to help me remain in work.

This is my thoughts and response to how you're feeling and to make you perhaps realise that a disability doesn't mean the be all and end all of working. There are many things you can do while taking medication and utilising the options available to you. However, if your family are bringing negative problems to the table they should bring a positive solution with them.

My positive solutions are the opportunities available to people on PIP - You can still work and claim PIP. There are options available at your local JC to help disabled people into work by providing reasonable adjustments; if they are available to you, for free - There's no reason not to use those services?

ThistleTits · 05/10/2024 19:22

@Autumnhedgehog you have condition/illnesses that makes it hard for you to carry out everyday activities. The process to be given this benefit is incredibly difficult. Therefore you have met all the markers required to pass the assessment and are entitled to PIP to help you.
Your mother and brother are as ill informed as many others. Ignore them and get the help you require. 💐

Snakebite61 · 05/10/2024 19:23

Autumnhedgehog · 03/10/2024 21:58

I have recently won my pip mandatory reconsideration for both PMDD and ADHD. Also generalised anxiety and depression.
I am currently unable to work as I’m not well enough.

I’m really upset as my parents and my brother think I’m taking the piss with getting pip it seems. My brother called it a ‘pisstake’ when he found out and my mum thinks that he’s right to feel that way as he’s working a full week and in her words I’m “sitting about at home, getting free money”
I’m feeling really down about it, as I thought they’d be pleased for me. It’s taken a lot of strength to get through the assessment processes and the stress of it made me feel very ill at times.

I’m now starting to question the decision and I feel like a bit of a fraud or something.

Sounds like your typical gammon. They are becoming more common I'm afraid. Plenty on here too.

Lobberto · 05/10/2024 19:27

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MumblesParty · 05/10/2024 20:00

LuluBlakey1 · 04/10/2024 22:08

I work as a School Improvement Advisor - with schools, children and families. I meet parents every working day who do not work, claiming one kind of illness or another -physical or mental. Many have never worked. They do absolutely nothing and have no intention of working. They are absolutely bone idle. They pass this on to their children who think it's fine not to go to school, don't do GCSEs - often claiming long-term illness (never actually diagnosed but they and their parents are sure they have whatever it is).
I am not talking about people who are genuinely ill and unable to work.
The money wasted supporting families like this is vast. They want for very little and do nothing to contribute to society. In their backgrounds is often some form of offending, there own parents may well not have worked. They think they have a right to make that choice and for the State to support them. The other day it was Miss X who is well-known to soc.services, police (drunkenness and shoplifting) and education. She says she has terrible asthma and COPD and it's getting worse (according to Social Services she has no diagnosis of either). At a meeting about the neglect of her younger child (non-attender at school) she and her older daughter (now left school but didn't attend from age 13) sat and smoked continually. Neither of them work. The meeting was held at her house because she is 'not well-enough' to attend social services. She is in her mid 40s, has 4 children. The older 2 left school several years ago. None of this family have ever worked.
I see people like this every day- perhaps not as extreme in terms of numbers in one family but parents who have never worked from choice and feign illness.
She has money enough for a decent car, cigarettes, alcohol, is provided with a house, lives on benefits and has her hand out for every single thing going. Has never contributed anything to society or to N Ins.
There are many less extreme who just don't work. They just don't see it as an issue. I am quite blunt about it and the example they set when I discuss their children with them. Some get very defensive but often they just shrug it off- with a laugh, kind of 'Well why should I?'
I would take their benefits off them. I'm not saying they live in luxury but they are not struggling. Yet I meet parents who do work who are less well-off but work9ng is important to them. Their children might have blips with school but are much more likely to be in school and getting support to make it work.

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I agree.
It’s something that people on MN generally refuse to accept, getting very angry if anyone suggests that people might be cheating the system.
I’ve been a GP for nearly 30 years and I’ve seen many of the people you describe. Families with several generations who simply don’t expect to ever work. Kids see their parents never working - Dad with bad back, Mum with chronic fatigue - and as soon as they leave school they come to the GP for a sick note. It might be for fatigue, bad back, anxiety, depression, headaches, joint pains - always something that can’t be confirmed or refuted by tests. They get their sick note because we have no choice but to accept the symptoms they present. Then they get their benefits. And so their life goes on. They have kids who do the same. Generation after generation of brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles spending their entire lives contributing nothing to society. It’s very frustrating. And I don’t think it does them any good really, especially as they’re not wealthy, so they can’t afford to do much with their long expanses of empty time. But it’s all they know. Some of them actually refer to getting their benefit money as “being paid”!

Shantayyoustaysashayaway · 05/10/2024 20:35

The people on here saying pmdd isn't serious & how work helps with mh are lucky they don't have it severely enough to impact their well being. I suffered terribly with pmdd. At times I truly thought I was losing my mind & suffered 3 weeks out of 4 & it affected everyone around me. I tried numerous prescription meds along side supplements. Even had injections to stop my periods. In the end the only thing that "cured" me was having a radical hysterectomy at the age of 34. I knew straight away it had worked as when I went to theatre I had very painful boobs but when I came round the pain had gone. The op saved my life as 5 weeks later my husband died & if I was still suffering from pmdd I don't think I'd be here now.
Years later I suffered a break down & there is no way on this earth I could have been around anyone in a work environment, in fact I originally received PIP for mh so please don't judge till you've walked in that person's shoes. I hope you start to feel better soon OP & remember the assessors would never have awarded you PIP if they didn't think you needed it. Sending you hugs 🤗

Differentstarts · 05/10/2024 20:36

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I hope you realise how truly blessed you are to have no understanding of serious mental illness

Pliudev · 05/10/2024 20:51

I find the unkind comments on here disgusting and, yes, depressing. If the OP has been given these awards it's because they are deemed necessary. Contrary to the Daily Mail POV our benefits system is not overly generous and is given out after rigorous assessment. Those smug people on here who see fit to undermine the OP and even her own family, should be ashamed of themselves. But they won't be will they? Because shame is probably not a concept they are familiar with.

Packetofcrispsplease · 05/10/2024 21:27

It’s difficult to get PIP so if you’ve been awarded it then your health condition / mental health condition/ disability has a significant effect on your day to day life .
Your mum and brother are being very insensitive and unsupportive

Quiinkong · 05/10/2024 21:51

Genevieva · 03/10/2024 22:20

Work is really important for mental health. Not working causes people to lose self-confidence and self-worth, which contributes to depression and anxiety. So use this time while you are receiving PIP (which is not means tested) to focus on your journey back into the workplace. Having reasonable goals and then succeeding in meeting them will help you enormously. I presume you are receiving help for your PMDD. The right combination of contraception and anti-depressants helps many women enormously.

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This is your opinion, not a fact. Plenty of people don't work because work causes them stress and depression. I know 2 people like this but 1 of them forced herself to go back to work because she likes to buy nice things but everyday, she tells me she wishes she wasn't going to work. She even gets sick sometimes from the thought of going and has been signed off work a few times.

LuluBlakey1 · 05/10/2024 22:28

Quiinkong · 05/10/2024 21:51

This is your opinion, not a fact. Plenty of people don't work because work causes them stress and depression. I know 2 people like this but 1 of them forced herself to go back to work because she likes to buy nice things but everyday, she tells me she wishes she wasn't going to work. She even gets sick sometimes from the thought of going and has been signed off work a few times.

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Is this a wind-up? Work is not always a pleasure, it is often hard and causes stress. That's not a bad thing. If we want to live comfortable lives we have to earn our living. Staying at home and getting signed off because you don't want to go and feel a bit sick should never be an option- unless you accept the State will not be supporting you financially in any way.

I have suffered from depression and anxiety my whole adult life- am diagnosed as clinically depressed after several months of assessment by a consultant psychiatrist. I do a stressful job and just get on with it. You can't give into anxiety and depression- it will roll you over if you do. Most people who 'claim' to be depressed are slightly anxious and have no sense of getting a grip on life. It's pathetic and I do not wish to pay for them to sit at home.

I understand that for short periods in a time of crisis it may be necessary to need a break and get some new medication but not working at all or regularly because you don't like work and feel a bit anxious is ludicrous.

People with very severe mental health issues are different but most people never fall into that category, ever.

rainydaysandrainbows · 05/10/2024 22:35

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 03/10/2024 23:52

I'm glad you've got PIP, you need it and hopefully it will give you a chance to live as well as possible. Good luck.

Completely agree.

This is the only appropriate response.

Freeyourminds · 05/10/2024 22:43

MumblesParty · 05/10/2024 20:00

I agree.
It’s something that people on MN generally refuse to accept, getting very angry if anyone suggests that people might be cheating the system.
I’ve been a GP for nearly 30 years and I’ve seen many of the people you describe. Families with several generations who simply don’t expect to ever work. Kids see their parents never working - Dad with bad back, Mum with chronic fatigue - and as soon as they leave school they come to the GP for a sick note. It might be for fatigue, bad back, anxiety, depression, headaches, joint pains - always something that can’t be confirmed or refuted by tests. They get their sick note because we have no choice but to accept the symptoms they present. Then they get their benefits. And so their life goes on. They have kids who do the same. Generation after generation of brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles spending their entire lives contributing nothing to society. It’s very frustrating. And I don’t think it does them any good really, especially as they’re not wealthy, so they can’t afford to do much with their long expanses of empty time. But it’s all they know. Some of them actually refer to getting their benefit money as “being paid”!

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You’re a 'GP’ of course you are.This is MN anyone, can be err, anyone.
Why would patients, say in front of you they just got 'paid’
I must remember to mention, in my next comment l’m a psychologist.Opps l already did.

Differentstarts · 05/10/2024 22:55

LuluBlakey1 · 05/10/2024 22:28

Is this a wind-up? Work is not always a pleasure, it is often hard and causes stress. That's not a bad thing. If we want to live comfortable lives we have to earn our living. Staying at home and getting signed off because you don't want to go and feel a bit sick should never be an option- unless you accept the State will not be supporting you financially in any way.

I have suffered from depression and anxiety my whole adult life- am diagnosed as clinically depressed after several months of assessment by a consultant psychiatrist. I do a stressful job and just get on with it. You can't give into anxiety and depression- it will roll you over if you do. Most people who 'claim' to be depressed are slightly anxious and have no sense of getting a grip on life. It's pathetic and I do not wish to pay for them to sit at home.

I understand that for short periods in a time of crisis it may be necessary to need a break and get some new medication but not working at all or regularly because you don't like work and feel a bit anxious is ludicrous.

People with very severe mental health issues are different but most people never fall into that category, ever.

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I have anxiety, depression,eupd and bipolar I don't know if their serious enough for you. I do work part time however not consistently (I have a lot of time of sick) but due to suffering from these conditions I would never judge others on whether they can or can't work as iv been around a lot of other people suffering mental illness when in hospital and in life and no 2 are the same. With any medical condition you can't lump groups of people with the same condition together as they all present differently hence why pip has nothing to do with diagnosis and everything to do with how it impacts your daily life. Also being on pip has nothing to do with working I'm on high rate pip and work

Beautifulweeds · 05/10/2024 23:05

You wouldn't have got it unless you were assessed to meet the criteria so please don't feel any shame at all. Do they not understand your disabilities? Spell them out loud and clear. I've recently had relatives who have to apply for pip and they are genuine and need it, totally understanding and glad they have it. Xxx

Tessiebear2023 · 05/10/2024 23:18

It sounds like you're having a properly shitty time, you have my sympathy. Good luck with the diagnosis and pip application.

It's strange how sometimes those closest to us turn out to be the least sympathetic? Just because someone is your family, or has known you for a long time, it doesn't actually make them an expert on you or what you need (damn). Trust the experts and try not to listen to them.

Stickystickystick · 05/10/2024 23:24

Freeyourminds · 05/10/2024 22:43

You’re a 'GP’ of course you are.This is MN anyone, can be err, anyone.
Why would patients, say in front of you they just got 'paid’
I must remember to mention, in my next comment l’m a psychologist.Opps l already did.

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I can assure you I have heard many people talk of 'being paid' when they receive their benefits in my job. You may not want to believe it but it's true.
Not at all a dig at you OP. Glad you have the financial support you need

applejackson · 05/10/2024 23:27

MumblesParty · 05/10/2024 20:00

I agree.
It’s something that people on MN generally refuse to accept, getting very angry if anyone suggests that people might be cheating the system.
I’ve been a GP for nearly 30 years and I’ve seen many of the people you describe. Families with several generations who simply don’t expect to ever work. Kids see their parents never working - Dad with bad back, Mum with chronic fatigue - and as soon as they leave school they come to the GP for a sick note. It might be for fatigue, bad back, anxiety, depression, headaches, joint pains - always something that can’t be confirmed or refuted by tests. They get their sick note because we have no choice but to accept the symptoms they present. Then they get their benefits. And so their life goes on. They have kids who do the same. Generation after generation of brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles spending their entire lives contributing nothing to society. It’s very frustrating. And I don’t think it does them any good really, especially as they’re not wealthy, so they can’t afford to do much with their long expanses of empty time. But it’s all they know. Some of them actually refer to getting their benefit money as “being paid”!

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Where do you work that so many members of the same extended family end up seeing the one same family doctor for generation after generation? I've never met anyone who's extended family all lived so much in each others pockets that they'd all be seeing the very same doctor. My DP's family is the closest I've come to something like that, being a large, close knit working class family where most have stayed in the same area but even with some clusters living only one town over from the other (5 or 10 minutes away) they still end up with completely different people as their doctors.

SuperBlondie28 · 05/10/2024 23:42

My SIL claims full PIP (and probably every other benefit going) for her bad back. She uses a crutch when she's outside the house and has a mobility scooter. She's in her mid 70s. She's able to use the stairs with no issues and doesn't use her crutch at all in the house. Never worked since her 20s.

My DM, who's mid 7Os, has a lot of health conditions. Underactive thyroid, fragile bones, dizzy spells as she has ongoing ear issues, IBS, a bursa in the thigh area causing extreme pain. Uses a stick in the bungalow. Walker outside. Could NEVER live in a house again.

DM has a blue badge, claims attendance allowance.

Now who's out of SIL and DM deserves PIP? I sure don't think it's the one who's getting it! No amount of benefit will change my DM's health issues though😪 DM has never tried to claim PIP.

WaitingForMojo · 05/10/2024 23:53

SuperBlondie28 · 05/10/2024 23:42

My SIL claims full PIP (and probably every other benefit going) for her bad back. She uses a crutch when she's outside the house and has a mobility scooter. She's in her mid 70s. She's able to use the stairs with no issues and doesn't use her crutch at all in the house. Never worked since her 20s.

My DM, who's mid 7Os, has a lot of health conditions. Underactive thyroid, fragile bones, dizzy spells as she has ongoing ear issues, IBS, a bursa in the thigh area causing extreme pain. Uses a stick in the bungalow. Walker outside. Could NEVER live in a house again.

DM has a blue badge, claims attendance allowance.

Now who's out of SIL and DM deserves PIP? I sure don't think it's the one who's getting it! No amount of benefit will change my DM's health issues though😪 DM has never tried to claim PIP.

Edited

Your DM is too old to claim PIP, but is claiming Attendance Allowance which is for those whose care needs developed after retirement age.

They’re both claiming their statutory entitlement and neither one ‘deserves’ it more than the other 🤔

Freeyourminds · 06/10/2024 00:13

Stickystickystick · 05/10/2024 23:24

I can assure you I have heard many people talk of 'being paid' when they receive their benefits in my job. You may not want to believe it but it's true.
Not at all a dig at you OP. Glad you have the financial support you need

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Personally l don’t think it’s a GP’s job to judge.By saying you’re a GP, is like you giving yourself validation for your comment.Then to say it’s not a dig at OP, not really sure how else your comment would’ve been interpreted as it was negative, with a mocking tone to it That’s the only reason why l commented, l get everyone, can obvs give a view, negative or positive, however saying you’re a GP, is like me saying l’m a psychologist, there’s no proof.

LittleCharlotte · 06/10/2024 00:16

Stickystickystick · 05/10/2024 23:24

I can assure you I have heard many people talk of 'being paid' when they receive their benefits in my job. You may not want to believe it but it's true.
Not at all a dig at you OP. Glad you have the financial support you need

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What's any of this got to do with the OP? How's it relevant?

JMSA · 06/10/2024 00:16

OP, I come from a family of 'grafters' and they'd be exactly the same
Not working or extended time off would be very much frowned upon. Something like cancer would be ok. But a mental health condition would be seen as weak.

Quiinkong · 06/10/2024 00:37

LuluBlakey1 · 05/10/2024 22:28

Is this a wind-up? Work is not always a pleasure, it is often hard and causes stress. That's not a bad thing. If we want to live comfortable lives we have to earn our living. Staying at home and getting signed off because you don't want to go and feel a bit sick should never be an option- unless you accept the State will not be supporting you financially in any way.

I have suffered from depression and anxiety my whole adult life- am diagnosed as clinically depressed after several months of assessment by a consultant psychiatrist. I do a stressful job and just get on with it. You can't give into anxiety and depression- it will roll you over if you do. Most people who 'claim' to be depressed are slightly anxious and have no sense of getting a grip on life. It's pathetic and I do not wish to pay for them to sit at home.

I understand that for short periods in a time of crisis it may be necessary to need a break and get some new medication but not working at all or regularly because you don't like work and feel a bit anxious is ludicrous.

People with very severe mental health issues are different but most people never fall into that category, ever.

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The way you handle yourself isn't the way someone else will. Don't use your own scale to judge others. So, no, it isn't a wind up. Depression kills and this is a fact. Don't be out here with "I'm depressed too, you don't see me killing myself" attitude....that isn't what you said but I'm giving you an example of how it comes across.