Really upset with family’s reaction

[Autumnhedgehog]

I have recently won my pip mandatory reconsideration for both PMDD and ADHD. Also generalised anxiety and depression.
I am currently unable to work as I’m not well enough.

I’m really upset as my parents and my brother think I’m taking the piss with getting pip it seems. My brother called it a ‘pisstake’ when he found out and my mum thinks that he’s right to feel that way as he’s working a full week and in her words I’m “sitting about at home, getting free money”
I’m feeling really down about it, as I thought they’d be pleased for me. It’s taken a lot of strength to get through the assessment processes and the stress of it made me feel very ill at times.

I’m now starting to question the decision and I feel like a bit of a fraud or something.

Pip is an in work benefit to help with the extra costs of your disability, not exclusively for people who are too ill to work

Aix Thank you .The worst part of it all was that my friend ,(who is in her 70s and already knows DD cannot work )said it to me .There is such a lack of understanding for MH issues .If someone was disabled, and in a wheelchair there would be much more understanding.Even though many disabled people do actually work!Older people esp seem to have this attitude .

And yet you engaged with the OP 🤦‍♂️🤣 you could have looked up what it meant in less time than it took you to write your original response 🤣

So this is what it all comes down to resentment, jealousy?!!! Your comment is absolutely pathetic.Why should OP acknowledge, her brother works hard, what to make him feel less resentful!
It’s adding to the ignorance and hatred towards people who have debilitating health conditions.
I supported my mum through, the pip assessment, all the paperwork and l found it challenging, stressful but there was no way she could have gone through this on her own, because it’s a lengthy, process.I understand people who do get pip, they’ve been assessed by medical professionals, so why isn’t that good enough for you.

No absolutely there are times when I wouldn’t have been able to work, and I didn’t for about 6 months.

Bit I do think it’s important to counterbalance the comment I was replying to which basically said all workplaces are toxic and boring and working won’t help you. It did for me and I think putting out a positive experience is just as important.

I wasn’t on MN when I was at my lowest but if I had been ans read something like that it would have scared the shit out of me. I don’t think it’s helpful.

She said excluding PMDD, she doesn't feel the others are a reason not to work. That seemed to include the ADHD. Also went on to talk about how she's able to work with ADHD.

So I think she was.

@PepaWepa Like many illnesses, I imagine it's the severity of the illness that dictates what sufferers can or can't do. One of my friends has ADHD and works as a GP, because she's able to control her symptoms with medication.
I'm diagnosed with GAD, but I can also control it with medication and counseling.

People who are seriously ill though may not be able to do this. That's what the OP's family isn't understanding.

Of course there are always people who physically can’t work and they should be supported. I still maintain that there are many who could work but would rather claim benefits. The system needs to be more vigorous.

How ? Because for you to believe that I think you have very little experience of the pip process

Excellent, the 4 millionth thread about pip and how it works and how shit the whole degrading process is, overtaken by smugarses who have no idea about illnesses and how pip works, who feel suitably qualified to be patronising and disablist.

We don't have enough of these threads.

They’re not really obscure at all though, are they?

More vigorous? How many more disabled people need to die after being judged "fit to work" before you are satisfied the process is "vigorous" enough, exactly??

It's a big shock when you realise that a family member thinks that you're a benefits scrounger. I couldn't believe it when it happened to me. Is your mum usually so unsupportive? I would keep your business to yourself from now one but I know it's difficult as a neurodiverse person to not over-share...I do it all the time and regret it when the information is used against me!

I'd also recommend not seeking validation from others (especially this benefits bashing lot!!!). No-one understands your personal situation. People who've never had health problems don't understand and therefore their opinions are not valid. As an autistic person with chronic fatigue/burnout and anxiety who has been turned down for PIP twice, I am happy that you have had it awarded.

You do not need to ask for permission on here. Just live your life, do what's best for you. It's none of anyone's business and perhaps those people who think it is, should re-direct their anger towards large companies paying too little tax, rather than a vulnerable ND woman.

@ToWhitToWhoo I know people work and claim PIP, I didn’t say anything to the contrary?

Fact is we can’t afford to give a payout to every person with ADHD, autism, anxiety, depression. We didn’t used to give money to everyone with these issues 20 years ago? There isn’t a money tree to pay for it.

@Liveheretoo I agree with you. None of us like paying such high taxes, but then it’s unpopular to point out we shouldnt give hundreds of pounds a month to every person with bad PMS who can’t concentrate very well

Trust me their not giving it to every person with these conditions they are giving it to the most severe cases where people literally can't function anymore

And from reading these comments, from people who apparently know better than medical professionals, they’ve said they’re feel resentful and jealous.Why would someone feel jealous of someone who has a health condition and think it’s ok to to make assumptions, their health condition is not 'bad enough’! without seeing their medical records and not understanding the process of a medical assessment.

I think you are being a tad dramatic.

You don't think people kill themselves over stuff like this you are talking about a group of some of the most vulnerable people in society I attempted during the pip process it's one of the worst experiences of my life the lies they tell you wouldn't believe unless you have been through the pip process. Imagine filling out a form stating things you can not do and struggle with then sending in pages and pages of medical evidence why you can't do these things then having your vascular surgeon, cardiologist, neurologist, psychiatrist and gp writing letters saying the patient can't do these things then having a phone call an hour long stating again you can't do this and that Then getting your decision from the pip assessor saying their is no evidence the patient can't do this. Do you have any idea what that feels like. Pip assessors will literally argue a person with no legs has no problem walking up stairs this is how bad it is

I must admit, I am a bit envious of people who claim PIP and don't have to work.

I get higher rate PIP, both elements and after paying for my car, it's only £400 a month. I can't live off that, and I'm not entitled to claim anything else as DH earns 24k.

I don't know how a married disabled person is supposed to live on £400 a month. That money should be for the extra costs of being disabled, nothing else. But if I didn't work, it would go towards rent, food, etc. £400.

I have to work full time, from home, from bed, no matter how much pain I'm in, how much I want to die, how exhausted I am. I wake up and cry because I wish I hadn't woken up. I wish daily that I could fall asleep, not wake up and it would all be over. But no, I work 9-6, eat dinner, sleep. That's my life. I don't go anywhere or do anything. I don't see anyone other than DH.

If I didn't have to work, I could be in pain without having to try and concentrate on my job. I could sleep when I needed to, take my time going to the bathroom instead of rushing and hurting myself, etc. Nothing worse than rolling round crying in agony then having to do a zoom meeting and pretend you're OK. So yes, I do feel a bit envious of people who claim PIP and it's enough for them to be able to give up work. That's not their fault, but the way the system punishes some of us.

It’s not an obscure acronym.

If you see an acronym that you’re unsure of what it means it literally takes 30 seconds to open up a new tab and enter it into Google.

Not up to us to educate the ignorant!

Are you sure you wouldn’t be entitled to ESA? Or to be topped up with UC if your DH only earns 24k? Making you eligible for the LCWRA group? Have you checked using the turntous calculator etc?

We’re not though, are we? PiP isn’t diagnosis based, it’s needs based.

I do get the resentment to an extent. I have ADHD and other disabilities myself. Working does put a significant strain on me and my mental health to the point where I cannot also have a meaningul social life.

I would love to not have to work and so I do have some degree of jealousy for those who have somewhat similar issues to mine but can get by on benefits.

That said, the grass is always greener, so in a world where I was in receipt of benefits I might well resent those who are more easily able to work.

Either way, OP, you shouldn't feel shitty about successfully claiming. I don't think you can count on friends and family being supportive in matters like this and it's a shame that they're actually being unsupportive. I can understand you feeling upset but I think you probably need to just move on from that and try to avoid future discussions with them on this particular topic.

Op that says more about your family's understanding of mental health than it does about you. Their ignorance is not something you should be taking on board. You can't argue with stupid.