Really upset with family’s reaction

[Autumnhedgehog]

I have recently won my pip mandatory reconsideration for both PMDD and ADHD. Also generalised anxiety and depression.
I am currently unable to work as I’m not well enough.

I’m really upset as my parents and my brother think I’m taking the piss with getting pip it seems. My brother called it a ‘pisstake’ when he found out and my mum thinks that he’s right to feel that way as he’s working a full week and in her words I’m “sitting about at home, getting free money”
I’m feeling really down about it, as I thought they’d be pleased for me. It’s taken a lot of strength to get through the assessment processes and the stress of it made me feel very ill at times.

I’m now starting to question the decision and I feel like a bit of a fraud or something.

I have no experience of adhd or pmdd but I do have experience with anxiety disorder and depression. You do realise it's different for everyone I couldn't leave the house for over a year due to my anxiety disorder and having up to 10 panic attacks a day. With depression i often have days/weeks where I can't get out of bed need 18 hours of sleep a day can't brush my teeth/hair can't get dressed, shower or eat. Medical conditions impact people significantly different. Iv attempted suicide multiple times iv been sectioned multiple times. Iv needed stitches multiple times for self harm and am now covered in scars from it. But please do tell me how to just get on with it as over a decade of therapy hasn't worked and the antidepressants, mood stabilisers,anti psychotics and benzos haven't fixed it so Il wait for your amazing knowledge on the subject on how to fix it so that I can just get on with it as my physchiatrist, cpn, care Co, therapists and gp haven't figured it out so il be able to pass your knowledge on

Why would you not feel concerned for them instead? Why resentful? Does he acknowledge what a difficult time she’s having? It works both ways.

@Pigeonqueen resentful that I've got to work and she hasn't. I'd be concerned too. One can feel more than one thing at once.

Hi @Autumnhedgehog
I was in your exact same shoes.
And my family behaved towards me exactly like yours is behaving towards you.
Neither of us deserve it.
Keep some distance between yourself and your family for awhile, at least until you’re feeling stronger.
Stay busy wiith friends and walks and hobbies and reading and tv and anything that will keep your mind occupied and your spirits up.
And cook and bake! Make yourself lots of goodies.
You are a good girl. Don’t let anybody tell you any different. ❤️

This 100% I have multiple physical and mental health conditions and It's the mental health conditions that truly destroy you and ruin your life

Stop telling people your business.

If you feel resentful because your sibling is disabled to the point they cannot work there is something wrong with you. (And yes I know being in receipt of PIP doesn’t mean you can’t work - I receive PIP myself, I’m talking in a more general sense).

Your jealous of a disabled person

Yes but that is so far from the reality of what a day is like for someone with chronic depression and adhd,from my perspective,it's constantly fighting to stay alive for the sake of my children instead of ending it all which is all I want.

I think it’s unreasonable to expect your family to be pleased for you. Relieved maybe, but not pleased. I would be hoping my relative was getting better and not needing benefits, rather than getting increasing government support.

Ignore, and use your therapy to find coping strategies to deal with your horrible family.

When I became a SAHM I was lazy and taking the piss, my poor DH had to go out to work each day while I got to sit on my arse at home with a toddler and baby. Never mind I had been earning more that double my DH most of our relationship and supported us, never mind he no longer had to use sick leave to cover childcare and never mind we had no childcare costs. I won’t even go into the shit they went on about when talking about how life was unfair for them that I was a SAHM.

I now don’t work due to chronic health issues. The family I’m still in contact with have no ide as I don’t tell them fuck all about my life, as far as they are concerned I’m a lazy bitch who sponges off my DH because I have him under my thumb. I really don’t give a fuck what they think anymore. My marriage our family and my health are none of their business so I don’t talk about it or just walk away and ignore them.

Your brother is just jealous and bitter but he should count his lucky stars that he doesn't have an illness that stops him from working. Sad that he's like that.

I'm made to have pip now. I can't work. Ill health retired due to severe disability now. I loved my job. I was happy working. All these people miserable in their jobs, well maybe they should find a new one and not take their bitterness out on ill people.

@Macaroni46 thats severely fucked up. You’re jealous someone is so disabled and incapable of functioning normally in life? What the hell is wrong with you?

I know what it takes to get PIP in the first place, let alone the threshold for evidence you need to get awarded at a reconsideration or tribunal.

I had to go to a tribunal when DWP tried to completely remove my standard living award for a disability that will never get better. I was awarded enhanced daily living AND standard mobility (the tribunal judges were appalled and nudged me to answer extra questions so they could up the award) , the best part is the award is indefinite, so they can't terrorise me anymore.

The physical and mental stress of even getting to the tribunal nearly killed me. The DWP did not even bother to send a representative to my tribunal.

My family were very supportive thankfully, but my next door neighbour tried to report me because she thought I was a fraud (she overheard a conversation in the garden about the trubunal win and I 'seemed' not disabled to her)

People have no idea, and resentment is common.

OP you have been awarded PIP and that’s not easy. Its not free money it’s there to help you maintain your independence.
Your parents’ and brother’s reaction is not uncommon but also worse than unkind. I honestly don’t know why family members behave like this but it is clearly resentment.
What to do next? The positive is to build on the afternoon a week you are volunteering. That’s a foundation to build on. Lots of people who are ill/disabled find a few good friends who become like family to them. Build your tribe.
We all gifted this one life. If your family are judging you then they aren’t worth your oxygen. I know it’s really, really tough but you need to be around empathetic people.
You still have a place in society. You are already taking one step to be a part of it. That’s a big step and something to be proud of.
If you can find anything you can engage in which will help you, do it. Whether it’s a support group or even going to a local Church, it’s time to make your life more comfortable with other like-minded people.
Don’t worry about the future for now. Just concentrate on your own wellbeing. And keep your personal business away from your family.

I never mentioned the Pip claims procedure. I said 'Well you are one of 8 million adults in the UK who are claiming they are unfit long-term to work according to today's news so you're not alone '.

Ok I’ll give you all my health conditions and my 2/3 appointments every week and not being able to walk and you can have them all for a month and then come back here and tell me that ‘we all have to work!’

They sound ignorant

PIP is nothing to do with work. Millionaires who work 60 hours a week can claim PIP. It's supposed to be a sort of equaliser, to pay for expenses that non-disabled people don't have. It's nowhere near enough to pay for someone to stop work!

OP, please stop oversharing with your family. That's really the best way to avoid ignorant and judgmental comments.

3.4 million are on pip. Long term sick isnt the same thing and doesn't automatically entitle you to pip

The one thing which will likely turn your health around is work. It's actually very good for your mental health.

I’m not jealous, but I do kind of resent that some people are able to claim what I cannot. I have organ failure and diabetes which really makes me sick and tired. But I have been refused any support. I don’t qualify apparently and it costs me £12 to go to the hospital every week. But those who do qualify should not be made to feel guilty about it.

Which kind of proves the point pip isn't as easy to get as some people think

OP I think you need to change your thinking on this…..if my child/sibling was in your position I wouldn’t be pleased at all. I’d be worried and concerned for them and their future so although their reaction wasn’t exactly as you wanted it perhaps isn’t totally unjustified.