Really upset with family’s reaction

[Autumnhedgehog]

I have recently won my pip mandatory reconsideration for both PMDD and ADHD. Also generalised anxiety and depression.
I am currently unable to work as I’m not well enough.

I’m really upset as my parents and my brother think I’m taking the piss with getting pip it seems. My brother called it a ‘pisstake’ when he found out and my mum thinks that he’s right to feel that way as he’s working a full week and in her words I’m “sitting about at home, getting free money”
I’m feeling really down about it, as I thought they’d be pleased for me. It’s taken a lot of strength to get through the assessment processes and the stress of it made me feel very ill at times.

I’m now starting to question the decision and I feel like a bit of a fraud or something.

The intelligence (or lack therof) of those angry at the OP for getting the help she needs is somewhat lacking.

Maybe I’m entirely ignorant of the struggle with PMDD but I am surprised you got an award for that. The ADHD definitely though, that’ll have a massive impact on your life and if you’re currently unable to work then that’s all that really matters. I hope things improve for you soon and your family can do one

I'm not in the UK, and I'm not up to speed at all on schemes to help people, and I'm probably missing the point completely, but I find the amount of people saying 'why did you tell your DM?' really sad. I'm in my 30s, a fully grown adult, and I still tell my DM most things. I would always have their support and I suppose OP felt she did too. It's really sad they amount of people who say they wouldn't tell them. Assuming no big back story, why wouldn't you have your parents' support? What do you do, turn 18 and suddenly stop talking about things like this?

People can be basically psychotic for part of the month with PMDD, it's not just like a bad day of PMS. I have it mildly and really struggle at times. For some people it ruins their lives.

Those saying pip is 'notoriously hard to get'.... 3.4million people in the uk receive pip. Out of the population of 67million. So actually 1/20 people in the uk successfully claims pip which is a huge number. I personally dont think that makes it an incredibly hard benefit to secure.

This is exactly why we were taught never to discuss money, politics and religion with anyone, friend or foe.
Because one or all of those topics can turn friend into foe, and money, if you have it, will turn your foes into friends.
It is sad thatvyour family has reacted in thisxway. If I were you, I would just drop the subject, and change it if they bring it up.

Or she would have ended up on the streets, also possible.

It's nice that comparing yourself to the OP makes you feel proud but it's not subtle that you're putting the boot in a bit here.

So many people on this thread too so proud of how their self-esteem is bound up in paid work. It is not the only way to be a full human being.

@Autumnhedgehog

You are not alone in feeling that others simply don't understand what living with a disability is like.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5179725-to-be-fed-of-of-vile-comments-re-disability-and-pip-so-come-on-those-people-suggest-a-job-for-me

It's hell, it's soul destroying, and it hurts us deeply when others don't even try to understand, never mind the bloody idiots who say 'it's all in your mind' or 'You don't try hard enough ..........etc etc

They are ignorant and they are truly lacking in any compassion or empathy. It is those 'people' who will only ever be able to resonate with others who are exactly like themselves.

People who have to live with disability work harder than 'normal' people, simply to do 'normal' things like have a shower, do the laundry, go shopping etc, and often simply doing the absolute 'basic' level of daily chores wrecks them for hours, days or even weeks ! To be able to secure and then keep employment is often simply impossible for them.

I'd truly love it if we could temporarily 'gift' another with our disability for a week, and THEN ask them how they feel about us needing PIP/any benefit ! 😡

OP - if you have claimed it then you are absolutely entitled to it and I for one as a full time worker and tax payer am glad that PIP is there to support people - ignore the haters.

@SabreIsMyFave

"I don't believe for one minute that everyone with mental health problems, and depression will be 'happier,' and 'healthier' - and will have better mental health - if they go out to work. Most workplaces are shite. Toxic and cliquey with stressful environments. And most jobs are boring and tedious, or hard work (or both!)

Being at home, doing what you want when you want to do it, waking when you want, chilling, and doing your favourite hobbies, and seeing your friends and your family when you want to - is much better for mental health and well-being for many people. (Rather than being in a boring or stressful job, working for 'the man' often for a pittance, and often with some horrible people! Like most people do!)"

However, this post highlights the attitudes that annoy people who are working and creates the tension between them and those on out of work benefits, making it sound as though workers are mugs and non-workers are living their best life. Do better.

@Alcedo I had no idea 😮 I thought it was essentially PMS having been given a clinical name.

Ignore me OP, I am ignorant

Don't share your financial information with others it doesn't benefit you to do so.

My response to them would be 'the ignorance around disability is shocking'

I am not surprised. There are too many people not working and this country is too soft. Most people have some form of neuro diversity and manage to work rather than live off the tax that the the rest of us have to pay. We all have to work!

Not all of them but certainly a significant number.

Lesson number 1 OP…. Never tell anyone you have claimed or are getting PIP

Correction: Everyone has ‘some form of neurodiversity’.

However most people do not have a neurodivergence. You are talking pure ableist bollocks. Not having a neurodivergence is called being ‘neurotypical’ for a reason 🙄

Invisible disabilities... a chance for those with fuck all understanding to pile on.
I'm sorry your family are unsupportive OP.. they either just don't get it, or are jealous.
Two of my adult children are neurodivergent... one is a doctor themselves... yet they qualified for PIP for a few years when they were very mentally unwell, and while now working again are highly medicated in order to cope (ADHD, severe anxiety, ARFID)
The other has had PIP from childhood...they are autistic. They don't 'look disabled' but in fact every aspect of their lives needs support and always will. They have had a very simple job since they were 19, but qualify for higher level PIP because they have substantial support needs... you just can't see it at first glance (you soon realise tho!)
PIP is to support you... you need support. End of.

I am in this poster’s camp and we don’t all have the time to respond on MN immediately. She maybe working!

There will always be people who are angry at those who receive any benefits. PIP is notoriously hard to get even for people who are incredibly ill, so if you qualified, you need it. If you have severe depression and anxiety working does not improve these. Ignore anyone who rries to make you feel shit, hope you feel better soon 💐

Pip is the hardest benefit to get out of any of them and you need tons of medical evidence so if you was awarded it you deserve it.

If he’s struggling to the extent that he qualifies, then like the OP, he also has the option of claiming PIP.

PIP isn’t’being supported not to work’, either. It isn’t an out of work benefit.

Do tell us about your extensive experience of the PIP claims process.

Don't give it a second thought.
Glad you got it.
Going forward you know keep some of your business private.
I don't trust anyone but myself as realise people gossip even family.
Maybe find a hobby or volunteer something that doesn't put you under pressure. You can do when you want and just pretend you got a job fruit picking or something so they not checking.
Watch phone location.
You deserve this payment.
Ignore some of posters who are negative
Very hard to get this benefit so you got because you should get.

Tbh OP if I was working hard like your brother and my sibling was living off PIP etc I'd feel resentful. I'd also feel bad for feeling that way but there would be some hidden resentment.
Do you ever acknowledge that he works hard?

Agreed