Really upset with family’s reaction

[Autumnhedgehog]

I have recently won my pip mandatory reconsideration for both PMDD and ADHD. Also generalised anxiety and depression.
I am currently unable to work as I’m not well enough.

I’m really upset as my parents and my brother think I’m taking the piss with getting pip it seems. My brother called it a ‘pisstake’ when he found out and my mum thinks that he’s right to feel that way as he’s working a full week and in her words I’m “sitting about at home, getting free money”
I’m feeling really down about it, as I thought they’d be pleased for me. It’s taken a lot of strength to get through the assessment processes and the stress of it made me feel very ill at times.

I’m now starting to question the decision and I feel like a bit of a fraud or something.

You are entitled to PIP even if working in a £200K job. Its about equalising society for those with any difficulties, acknowledging the extra cost society has created to live with disabilities. It does not stop you working nor is it reduced or stopped because you are working. Unless you have a disability I don't think you are placed to comment really, you have no idea what it is like having to get Taxis cos when you are seen at the bus stop it goes past or you could be denied a seat as "someone else" is the ONE space allocated to those with disabilities in a chair for e.g. Or not be able to get in shops, or access exhibitions, or even get in and around supermarkets or other shops so have to shop on line and despite being low income unable to access yellow sticker bargains. Or even that if you have a seizure or attack whilst out and about you have access to transport to get you home in a timely fashion to recover, losing the rest of your day.

When you create a society that is inaccessible there is a cost to pay - that is in this instance PIP to help those with disabilities retain their independence in a world that takes it away from them.

If we were all more inclusive it could remove the need for some of the PIP payments which replaced a system where equipment was provided FOC but was for the most part insufficient and inappropriate - and what is it going back to ... a catalogue of "aids" that many with disabilities can't use or they are just not what they need. Which is why PIP was introduced in the first place.

What are you talking about? A tiny percentage of people have a neurodivergent condition, and things like dyslexia aren't really debilitating like autism is so can't be compared.

Again, PIP is awarded to people in work. It's not to pay for unemployment; it's to pay for the extra expenses disabled people incur.

I agree with others, your family aren't supportive at all. I hope you have a good friendship network?

It's hard when you can't even get emotional support from your own parents so I really feel sorry for you that their reaction was so cold.

This seems to be a contentious issue so you now know not to discuss it with anyone else. But I hope you get the support you need. As long as you told the truth during the process then you aren't a fraud. You have been properly assessed as being entitled to the money.

It's really not your brother's business and I would tell him and your parents that you don't wish to discuss it as you find their attitude hurtful.

Why would you be worried for their future the op still would have these conditions with or without financial help. At least with a benefit that is their solely to help financially improve people's lives it's likely she can improve and get to a better place like she previously stated she is using the money for private therapy

No one should be saddled with extra expenses because they are disabled. That's so unfair. So many things are completely inaccessible to people who have disabilities as it is.
If a person has been awarded pip, it's because they really are entitled to it. Not enough people receive the help they need to level things up a bit, as it is!

OP, ignore your brother - he's not capable of comprehending the difficulties of your life and he's thinking of it from a non disabled person's view of what it would be like to not have to go to work everyday and how nice that would be for him. But he's not grasping that it wouldn't be nice and easy and fun if he was at home contending with all the additional problems.
You might also want to tell your parents to stop sharing your business with him - if you'd wanted to tell him, you would have! They might need to hear less too.

Your opinion means nothing unless you are medically qualified and assessed the OP.

No, I said I would feel resentment at having to work as well as feeling concern. Many people have to manage health conditions alongside working, myself included. The world isn't simply divided into disabled / non-disabled.
I was trying to show how the brother might be feeling.
I'm in no position to know whether the OP is capable of working or not but like some other posters, I do feel there are too many people claiming that they can't work.

I also realise that PIP isn't linked to working.
Just sharing my honest opinions

Not really sure why you're unable to work with the conditions you have listed. And yes I know what they are

I would roll my eyes too if you were my sister. People have to put up with all sorts of ailments in life and have to work and survive somehow

Exactly. ADHD is a disability and for many extremely difficult to manage.

going through the process and actually being awarded pip is very difficult, it took me years and I was almost bedridden at the time. If they have deemed you sick enough to be awarded it then your family need to listen to that and stop being so shit to you.

So you don't understand medical conditions effect people differently and your not awarded pip on the condition but how it impacts your life

OP, sorry that your mother is awful and your brother nasty.
Keep any further business to yourself and focus on your health.
Wishing you well.

Hidden disabilities are often difficult for those with no experience of it to understand. My son has autism which is not evident until you get to know him well and no one is aware of all the things I have to do for him plus the support he gets to work. I’ve been through the PIP appeal process on his behalf and it’s not easy. I’d happily give away everything I own for him not to have this disability.
Well done OP for a successful appeal and I wish you well on your journey to better health

It seems she does need to stop sharing personal information with her family, due to them turning out to be cunts regarding this issue, but I think it's unfair to call it oversharing as though OP is at fault somehow.

Assuming someone has what they believe to be good relationships with their close family members, it's completely normal (IMO) to talk with them about stuff that's going on in their life at the moment, good and bad, and totally reasonable to seek support from their very closest family when going through something as personal, arduous and nerve-wracking as a PIP assessment, or to share the good news that it's been awarded.

I mean, FFS, it's OP's mum we're talking about here… I'd readily mention benefits assessments or job applications or even really personal medical stuff to my mum, without worrying I was oversharing or that I couldn't trust her with the info. I drank from the woman's nipples! She wiped my shitty bum, I told her my worst nightmares in the middle of the night, and she listened to me agonising about which GCSEs to take. I wouldn't think twice about whether mentioning I'd applied for PIP would be an overshare.

It's true that not everybody does have this kind of relationship with their mum, but I would guess that it's pretty common for people to feel that their mum is one of the few people it is appropriate to share things like this with. OP didn't overshare IMO, just got unlucky.

The problem is OP, it's very hard not to feel resentful when you're working hard to try and get by and make a good life for yourself and your taxes are going on people who are not but could actually be working!

PIP has nothing to do with working or not. Some on PIP do work, others don’t. Legacy ESA and Heath element of UC are about ability to work or not.🤷‍♀️

Not as resentful as you will be when more disabled people are forced to work and you have to work double your hours to cover all their appointments and sick days. I have 1 to 2 hospital appointments every week. I'm also hospitalised multiple times a year for weeks at a time. Also wait until I come into work physchotic and homicidal I'm a real hoot to be around then

''@Liveheretoo I am not surprised. There are too many people not working and this country is too soft. Most people have some form of neuro diversity and manage to work rather than live off the tax that the the rest of us have to pay. We all have to work!''

''@middleagedandinarage The problem is OP, it's very hard not to feel resentful when you're working hard to try and get by and make a good life for yourself and your taxes are going on people who are not but could actually be working!

The ignorance on this thread is breathtaking...

• PIP is not an out of work benefit. How many times are we going to have to repeat this?I receive the basic PIP rate and I have a job. PIP helps me stay in employment. I pay my taxes and have done so for the past 25 years.
• The DWP own figures show that the rate of PIP fraud is close to 0%
• You don't get PIP without an assessment and a shitload of medical evidence to back your claim up.

The hatred for disabled people and people with mental health conditions on some of these posts and in the right wing media is truly appalling.

I am going to just put my two pence in the other side of that though - I have diagnosed ADHD, endometriosis, PCOS, depression, anxiety, mild agoraphobia and a heart condition.

I had a lot of suicidal ideation a few years ago. After a lot of therapy I was having a good day mentally and impulsively applied for a job that looked interesting to me. I got it somehow. I wasn’t sure I was even ready to go back to work and I was TERRIFIED of starting, I actually postponed my start date at one point.

I took on part time hours and I can honestly say it was the best thing I have ever done and for me working really gives me purpose, helping my self esteem enormously. I now do more hours and a hobby several nights a week, when at one point I couldn’t leave the house. I never once imagined my life would be so much better and I really do put it down to having a supportive workplace and a job I genuinely enjoy.

I just want to put that out there because for me personally getting into work really was the best thing I could have done. I know that’s just my experience and it won’t be right for everyone but a few years ago if I’d read so much negativity about workplaces all being toxic etc I might not have made that decision and I could still be in the same place.

Piece of advice I learned when young adult. Keep your own counsel.

I do agree when the person is ready and had lots of intervention this should always be the goal but I'm assuming their where times during your illnesses it would of been absolutely impossible to work and this is the thing people are at different stages of their journey. I'm able to work part time now although not a great employee I'm of work a lot. But their has been a lot of times I absolutely wouldn't of been able to work.

You do deserve it OP and well done for persevering through the many hoops to jump through to get it.
Use it to the full for your needs, therapy etc. Also go and get yourself a treat with the first payment - something you wouldn’t normally get yourself be that a massage or your nails done. It’s there to hopefully make your life just that little bit easier.

From some of these replies, this is exactly why people with little to no knowledge or understanding of these conditions should not be making decisions on PIP. The replies of "I don't see why you can't work with these conditions" shows it should be medical professionals only.

Whatever negative reactions you have received OP, you are doing nothing wrong. You shouldn't have to keep this information to yourself, but unfortunately many people are too ignorant to hear it without being negative and further airing their own ignorance.

That isn't what makes it fraud or not.
Fraud would be if she had lied about her condition in order to claim it.