Would you ever get over hearing someone call you a name?

[Gripeseed]

Sister in law was once on the bluetooth speaker in my brother’s car. She didn’t realise I was in the car when my brother picked up her call. Out of nowhere she randomly refers to me using a swear word. I was absolutely shocked! My brother hung up immediately and tried to style it - “oh she’s misheard what I said”.

But to be honest I have never felt the same towards her after that incident. We had always been perfectly nice to each other when we met up. I am polite to a fault and she has good manners also (in public). In fact I had always gone out of my way to be nice - e.g. home cooked meals when I was heavily pregnant, dropping off baked goods when I made too much etc.

After I heard this a couple of years ago I kind of just detached emotionally. Still perfectly civil.

Am I being harsh? Would you have got over it?

I never got an apology and we never addressed it.

You did the right thing.
Welldone for valuing yourself
We could all learn from you ❤️❤️

We have lived in our house for 18 years - it is semi-detached and for all that time had a lovely elderly neighbour so it was always quiet. The view at the back was something that really attracted us as we overlook a small park and the next door garden was beautiful with 5 mature trees and lots of shrubs. The chap next door died last year and recently a young family with 3 kids under 5 years moved in. We were nervous about this as obviously there would be bound to be much more noise. But the worst thing is they've completely decimated the garden - all the lovely trees and every shrub had gone and its now just wasteland. I'm heartbroken and feel a sense of bereavement. The neighbours had mentioned before that they wanted a low maintenance garden - but this is extreme. Also I feel security is compromised as there's a low fence now at the bottom of the garden which leaves them ( and probably us) open to burglaries as kids get over the Park fence at night.
Any suggestions at how I can handle this? I don't want to completely fall out with them but I feel so angry...

I wonder if she’s kept her distance because HE’S been telling stories to keep her at arm’s length. Who knows what he’s said that she’s maybe reacted to?

And you think I don't have that much of a life I'd wanna sit and read through 11 pages of a thread about someone being called a cunt 🤣🤣🤣

Wow! To go from no swearing to the ‘C’ word is really quite the leap!
She clearly REALLY doesn’t like you.
Don’t waste time or energy worrying about it. Just carry on as you have been and know you have her number.

Now you've mentioned it, I'm wondering too!

@Freud2 I think you need to start your own new thread. You have posted on a thread unrelated to your issue.

Wow - that would have been like an emotional switch going off for me too.

Obviously that's how she refers to you all the time, it's not something that comes out of the blue.

Such a vile word.

No no no if I'd of heard that and my brother defended it or tried to make it something that it wasn't I'd of lost it with him me and my brother are very close and if I thought his partner spoke about me like this and he said nothing I'd be devastated but I'd have words with both and ever speak to them again she's a cu#t for saying it

I think the thread focusing on the specific insult used is clouding the real issue. And the real issue is that you realised, by the way your SIL spoke about you, that she can't like you much, or actively dislikes you. That must have been horrible. Sorry you have experienced this, and how sad that she's part of your family, influencing your relationship with your brother too.

I once came into a room at my former workplace to see/hear a colleague doing a not complementary impression of me to a small group of people. The way it was done, and putting together other pieces of the puzzle, suddenly made me realise that she really didn't like me. I didn't fall out with her, but remained polite and distant. But prior to her cruel impression, I had no inkling she didn't like me. Horrible. Reminds me of this. But that was work, not my family.

It's horrible when you realise someone dislikes or hates you when you have tried so hard, genuinely, to be kind and friendly. Not sure if you can do anything really. Keep being polite. Try to somehow keep the relationship with your brother going, but of course that has been affected too by his tolerance/support of someone who dislikes you. I wish I could say something helpful but can't, but I do understand.

IMO it's not really that you haven't gotten over it, it's that you haven't forgiven it, and you don't have to. Not getting over it would mean you are still
as upset about it as you were at the time it happened. It sounds to me like you have just cooled towards her because you now know she secretly has a low opinion of you which she does not express when she knows you are in earshot. Cooling off towards her is an entirely natural and sensible reaction to that. I would feel the same way. Why should you be friendly with somebody who thinks you're a cunt.

😄

If I found out my brother accepted that his wife calls me a c* I'd go ballistic. He's bang out of order surely as well as her.

Exactly!

Think you need to let it go and grow up

That’s what you’d do is it? Are you usually a doormat?