Would you ever get over hearing someone call you a name?

[Gripeseed]

Sister in law was once on the bluetooth speaker in my brother’s car. She didn’t realise I was in the car when my brother picked up her call. Out of nowhere she randomly refers to me using a swear word. I was absolutely shocked! My brother hung up immediately and tried to style it - “oh she’s misheard what I said”.

But to be honest I have never felt the same towards her after that incident. We had always been perfectly nice to each other when we met up. I am polite to a fault and she has good manners also (in public). In fact I had always gone out of my way to be nice - e.g. home cooked meals when I was heavily pregnant, dropping off baked goods when I made too much etc.

After I heard this a couple of years ago I kind of just detached emotionally. Still perfectly civil.

Am I being harsh? Would you have got over it?

I never got an apology and we never addressed it.

It’s possible SIL calls everyone a cunt. I have a relative who does this. You get very quickly inured to it and I don’t think she actually means it.

But you dismissed the most obvious possibility of ‘finding a way to get over it’ when you refused the obvious route of discussing it and letting her apologise. I mean, the key thing for me would not be whether or not my SIL liked me, but that the brother you feel ‘emotionally close to’ was presumably ok with having you referred to in such disparaging terms by his wife. Surely that’s the important damage here, to your sibling relationship ? And yet you decided it was too ‘awkward’ to address it. It’s certainly ‘awkward’ this is is still causing you pain years on.

Oh yes! I misread the whole original post obviously hahaha

I can totally understand why it's bothered you, I had the same with my in-laws, in the end my partner said how I had gone above and beyond to help them and they started to calm down, I was always civil but again no apology or explanation as to why they were like it, the best thing you can do is have a talk to her, explain you heard her and its bothered you ever since ad you don't know why she would have a problem with you, or speak to your partner and ask him, he must know if it was a one off or if it's something else goi g on

I'm a Glaswegian, my son assures me that being called the c word in Glasgow is a term of endearment. I don't agree personally but is she from Glasgow? 😂

Cunt was all she called you lol...

God we use that as part of a greeting lol 🤣🤣

Awryt cunt what you upto. 😘

Aww don't be a cunt 🤣 when joking around

See that cunt over there (random person who you don't know)

Cunt gets used in our everyday language not always bad...

But depends where on the world you are I suppose lol

We’re 11 pages into the thread and it’s abundantly clear that this casual use isn’t the case for OP or her family.

That sounds like addressing it at the time! You threw away the opportunity for a discussion or apology by dismissing it as resolved.

It’s not that you are hanging on to one comment, it’s that you have heard how she really thinks about you. You would be mad to ignore it!

You are lovely and how you’ve handled it is very civilised.

how does she act about it now ?

if its in the moment and swearing at me directly then id challenge on their points as to why, if its in passing yes id want to understand why, but overall it can be a mix and even then you may not get the truth etc

Fucking hell.

I’d have taken great delight in making a sarcastic comment to let her know I was there and heard her, relished her total humiliation and then never spoken to her again. I’d have had it out with my brother too to find out what the actual fuck that was about.

Absolutely my thoughts.

No, there would be no coming back from that. It is a disgusting word.

Well when I was around 20 years old my father and i got into an argument about something innocuous and he lost his temper and said "you know what you're just a cunt" and it has never ever left me.

I take it you’ve never interacted with proper Irish then going off that comment, It’s part of the Irish vocabulary it’s used that much on a daily basis, infact it’s used way way way more in jokey way by majority of Irish than in a nasty way 😂 Of course, you will get the odd Irish snob who isn’t on the same level as the rest of us 🤣

In this instance though, SIL saying “can that cunt not go by herself to B&Q” was definitely said in a nasty bitter type way and I’m thinking, considering OP said her and brother are close, that SIL is weirdly jealous of their sibling relationship for whatever reason!!

You’re Irish are you? People in this thread be horrified visiting Ireland, probably hear it at the airport on landing 😂
Although as I just said SIL did say it in a bitchy way. In saying that now dragging it out years was OTT, should’ve addressed it at the time, had it out asked her what her problem was and got the fuck over it by now.

I'm the type to hold a grudge so I would neither forgive nor forget.

However - I also wouldn't expect my brother to say anything. A comment like "why can't the cunt do it herself" while shocking, isn't (to me) quite the same as actually saying why can't Gripe do it herself, she's such a lazy cunt" or whatever.

Having said that, I would have said to my brother if she thinks I'm a cunt she can just fuck off then, I'm not making one iota of effort on her behalf. He can address it with her and see if she wants to try and make amends.

I'm with you on this one OP.
I'd be distant too...I mean why would someone that thinks I'm one of those even want me to try and make small talk with them.

By openly calling you that in a conversation with your DB I'd wonder if it was the normal everyday way in which she refers to you when talking to him.

Awful word...you can't stop her referring to you by that name but you can definitely not want anything to do with her.

You don't call a person you like that name so I'd assume there's no love lost on her side.

YADNBU. You saying let’s draw a line under it did not absolve her from making a full apology and explaining her comment in a way that made you feel better. A decent person would feel compelled to do that. I would completely freeze her out from now on.

"Am I being harsh? Would you have got over it?"

No you are not being harsh - I think you are being very decent about it! Perhaps too decent. You have allowed them to sweet it all under the carpet - I wouldn't have!

Actually, I think you have got over it. Yes, you have a distant relationship with her, but that is due to you having a clearer picture of who she actually is than you had before you heard her call you cunt. Why on earth would anyone want a close relationship with her after that?

Plus, from her end, distant seems to be her preference anyway. All that "back to square one" and "quiet as a mouse to your face" - she deliberately holds you and your sister (and parents?) at arms length.

I think you should be pretty proud of yourself. You have ensured family harmony on the surface - are your parents aware of any of this? - whilst you and your sister have the measure of the two-faced little weasel your brother married. Not harsh, very adult!

No. She sounds horrible. Don't bother with her any more than necessary.

Then I would struggle to get over it if that were the case.

OMG yanbu! But how have you let her away with that for so long? That’s one of the worst things to call anyone! I’m not sure what you can do about it years later though. How you’ve managed to remain civil since then is beyond me.

My brother would never let anyone talk about me like that. Also if I had heard someone talk about me like that, especially my sil would have lost my shit! There would have been absolute murder in my family that day 🤣🤣 I laugh but im being deadly serious! I would have caused murder!