To report my private school friend?

[Reeeeee]

I have a friend, we will call her Polly for the purpose of this thread. Polly and I both send our children to an esteemed private school. This term, we were given the option to pay fees up front, which we both did. Polly gets a sizeable discount for her DD as she is part of the bursary scheme at the school. This morning, Polly and I were discussing the Fees in Advance scheme, and she gleefully told me that she no longer needs to hide her income from the bursar as she won’t be assessed again. She admitted she has been hiding maintenance from her ex (over £1,000 a month) as well as self-employed income.

I do not want to see her DD disadvantaged or for any negative repercussions to befall her. However, I feel livid that my friend has scammed the school in this way. My husband and I work incredibly hard to send our DD to the school and it’s not always easy, we have to make sacrifices and go without. Suffice to say, I won’t be spending time with Polly again.

how old are you?

Leave her alone. She is a single mother and life is hard enough

How would she have the money to pay the fees up front if she’s eligible for a bursary?

(I doubt this is real…)

OP will be known as a snitch? 😂 They aren’t children, it’s not an episode of The Bill.

You are funny DadJoke. Joke’s on you

Wow. Lots of posters determined to tell the OP that this doesn't make any difference, no one is losing out, everyone 'games ' the system, she's as bad as them and so on. So many people keen to defend private school (mis)use come what may. Bullshit. Report it OP. Plus if none of this does really represent 'cheating' then there won't be a problem, will there?

Absolutely agree.

Sadly, this happens a lot. I know of at least 3 families doing the same. I won’t report them though. They are gaming the system to their advantage. The whole bursary system is a bit of a farce anyway.

Well quite. If a bursary pupil’s parents could afford to pay fees in advance no chance would they be eligible for financial assistance

It’s very easy. You fail to declare it.

I would think maintenance is disregarded. Self employed income would be hard to prove either way, as you can only go in what’s declared. Unless for example she declares £100 a week whilst living a lavish lifestyle. Unless it’s on a huge, criminal scale it is very hard to prove. A good accountant will hide money very well.

You could report it but I don’t think you’d get that far. She’s a cheat.

Yeah OP, really hit the nuclear button on her. Maybe when the bailiffs come calling you could get her house for cheap? It would be a win win, especially if they have to flog off all their personal possessions cheap to pay the bills. That'll learn them!

I’m pretty sure the maintenance from the father would be taken into account as he is the father of the DD at the private school…

The self-employed income hiding I’ve no idea how they would prove.

From your description I'm not sure the school can do much, it sounds like she's actually reporting the income fraudulently to HMRC, so an investigation by the school would only reveal the numbers she's reported to them. I'd probably distance myself from Polly but not report it unless it were clear that the school would be able to act on the info. This kind of stuff is so common sadly, no one is stingier and better at gaming the systems than the wealthy!

This is the first post I agree with. She’s stupid for gobbing off about it. Loads of other parents will be working the system somehow. Polly needs to realise that even people she regards as friends will be jealous that she’s got a better deal.

I’m not jealous she got a better deal… it’s hilarious you even call it a ‘better deal’ how about, scammed and manipulated the school in order to fraudulently gain a discount at the expense of other parents?

I’m disgusted that she’s gamed the system and that part of our fees, which are meant to help genuine, charitable cases, are being used by someone who just fancies themselves a personal discount.

Can you clarify if she’s paid fees in advance? If so for how long?

Did she disclose whether she would be able to afford the fees without the discount, or is she just trying to save some money for extra things like holiday and nice stuff? I think that's the missing bit of information here to know whether she's a scammer or just doing what she believes it takes to keep her child in private education.

She’s paid fees in advance for 2 years, she borrowed the funds from her grandmother. I can only assume this is in order to not elicit suspicion from the school, or she doesn’t have the money pay up front. I’m not entirely sure.

If you feel that strongly about other children being disadvantaged then have some self respect and the courage of your convictions and be open about reporting her. If you genuinely think she’s made a really awful moral decision then surely you’re doing the right thing and have nothing to be ashamed of?

Or is it that you’re more annoyed that you’ve had to struggle while she’s been able to hide cash and you want to punish her for it? Slightly less of an honourable reason for telling on her. Not surprised you’d want to hide that from everyone.

Its fraud, plain and simple - do the right thing.

Then the school are idiotic and deserve to be scammed.

Why not?

It involves her DD and that’s why I am reluctant to tell the school. Her DD may be made to leave or they may be forced to back pay the fees from previous years. I don’t want to harm a child just because their mum is an arse. But it doesn’t sit well that Polly just feels she can breeze through life scamming and stealing from others.

Because the school finances would have to be run by an idiot if they gave assistance to someone who could avail themselves of enough money to pay fees in advance.

Plus if the father has PR he should be included in the assessment.

Walk this through:

you tell the school

• you’ll have to say she’s hidden x income
• they will investigate and question about x income
• she will realise it’s you that has provided this info
• They may or may not find evidence. It would be difficult for them to prove a partners payment or self employed income. These payments could be made in cash. So they will probably have to take her on her word. Unless you can provide any evidence.
• If they find she has been dishonest, they may ask her and the child to leave school.
• Would you be happy for the child to leave the school?

What you want to happen, won’t happen

• you tell the school, they ask if she lied, she says shucks sorry, pays full fees and everyone lives happily ever after. Not going to happen

So what’s the point?

• she will know it’s you
• The school will either do nothing
• or she could be asked to leave

Accept the reason why it upsets you is because you feel like a schmuck paying full fees, while she gets off. It’s nothing to do with having another less fortunate child miss out! If that was the case, you wouldn’t send your kids to private school at all.

Sometimes life is unfair. Just like some kids go to private and others don’t. Some get a free ride at private school, some don’t.

Move on and don’t let it take up anymore of your time

What outcome do you want here?

Set aside your situation as that is entirely your choice to spend this money on your childs education and compromise on other areas you could spend on. This would be the case whether Polly existed or not, whether Polly was scamming the system or not.

Do you want revenge?

It sounds like you do - so yes, reporting her may result in that.

Will that make you feel good, it may well affect her childs education, which you say you don't want but I don't think you can seek revenge and also not risk the child being negatively affected. Pick which is most important to you.

If revenge is what you want, go ahead and I don't really see any point in waiting.

The outcomes are likely to be that Pollys child loses her bursary and school place or the school think 'fuck it, it's a done deal and its too late and too much hassle' and nothing happens.

Will you definitely feel appeased either way?

Only you know the answers here. The one absolute guarantee is, its not going to lighten your financial burden in choosing to send your child to this school.