To report my private school friend?

[Reeeeee]

I have a friend, we will call her Polly for the purpose of this thread. Polly and I both send our children to an esteemed private school. This term, we were given the option to pay fees up front, which we both did. Polly gets a sizeable discount for her DD as she is part of the bursary scheme at the school. This morning, Polly and I were discussing the Fees in Advance scheme, and she gleefully told me that she no longer needs to hide her income from the bursar as she won’t be assessed again. She admitted she has been hiding maintenance from her ex (over £1,000 a month) as well as self-employed income.

I do not want to see her DD disadvantaged or for any negative repercussions to befall her. However, I feel livid that my friend has scammed the school in this way. My husband and I work incredibly hard to send our DD to the school and it’s not always easy, we have to make sacrifices and go without. Suffice to say, I won’t be spending time with Polly again.

Eh?

She can’t really put through “high expenses” on the books though as everything has to be accounted to the taxman? If she owns a company, accounts have to be filed. You can’t just make stuff up! Obviously you can push boundaries but it has to be justifiable for the business.

I would agree that CM is likely to be excluded, it’s not guaranteed and not reliable. Just the same as a lot of mortgage companies don’t include it.

The cash hiding is wrong though but you’d think most businesses are electronic payment these days.

I’m sure most self employed people are guilty of trying to get their taxable profits as low as possible.

Why not have an off the record "hypothetical" conversation with the school, without mentioning names, to see how they would handle the situation and how it would impact on the offender's daughter? You could say you believe that someone may have... (so they can't accuse you of withholding information about fraud), and explain that you're concerned that revealing your suspicions would impact on the child.

@FreshStart2025 Yes, we hear on MN from parents (usually Mums) who strongly suspect that their self-employed exs are somehow hiding income in order to lower their CM payments.

No idea how it’s done (cash in hand perhaps?) Polly could be doing it in a similar way.

Some people do have a conscience, you know! What Polly has done is no better than stealing a place from a child who genuinely couldn't otherwise afford it. The OP is right to think it's way out of line.

This is fraud. Those funds could have gone to a family in need, whose child is now missing out. Honestly I’m disgusted.

She told you as she trusts you and thinks you're a friend.

Polly’s nonfriend seems to have left the thread.
Hopefully Polly’s child (who has done nothing wrong) won’t be turfed out.

She has now made her ‘friend’ a co conspirator in obtaining money by deception. As a friend I would give her a week to talk to the bursar herself or I would be making an appointment with them, to protect myself. No school is going to make a child leave for parental bad behaviour, most likely mum will be given an opportunity to repay the money she has stolen and future funding withdrawn.

Where was she saying it so loudly that others could be suspected of reporting it other than you?

By taking cash payment only.

What will the school be able to prove now? You need to wait until an assessment would show her true earnings, if she ever stops hiding them. I suspect she won't change wants she's doing to continue to avoid tax, she'll just relax that she won't get caught out by the bursar.

So she carries on taking. Cash in hand, you snitch to the a school and end up looking a bit silly. She may or may not figure out it was you - and then you'd need to be very careful about every little thing you do or she could well go running to someone to point it out.

Personally I'd just tell Polly what I thought of her dishonesty and distance myself. Otherwise there will be yet another thread on MN where the poster is wondering why their good friend suddenly ghosted them.

No what's the point?
Just mind your own business
Just tell her not to tell you anything about this again as it's wrong

But you would have no problem for a child getting a free education whose family snuck into the country. Perhaps has money back home. And a house. But gets taxpayer support for housing as well. And goes home to visit family and stays a month or so which would make them ineligible for such accommodation. But someone with irregular income angers you so? When I was 5 my father told me 2 things that apply here. First, life isn’t fair. Second, not everyone is going to like you. I think you have a problem with this woman’s sexual morals. Maybe you don’t want your daughter to see this person that might have stemmed from an illicit relationship. And to calm your own nerves about not having said you disapprove of that or of the finances tattled. Someone else got a break on tuition. Life isn’t fair. You work hard. Good. Be proud you work hard and get things all on your own. The reverse of not everyone is going to like you also true. You are not going to like everyone all the time. All you did was make complicated a potential friend of your child, between the two of them. Were you just wanting to cut this woman from your life already? This is in the mind your own business category. If no one is possibly in immediate danger of injury or death, butt out. I hope this student finishes school. If you just want to hear it is wrong to hide money for the application. Okay, it’s wrong to hide money for the application. You are correct.

I'm very sceptical of the bursary system and how it works. Good friends of mine live in a palatial flat costing an absolute arm and her leg (being paid for by savings they had accumulated when hubby was full time employed - rent is around £30K a year). She's a film director (but not one who actually makes any money now - almost nothing at all -- but getting a job is out of the question it seems) and he has a company that makes barely any money (literally about £10K a year - again getting a job seems to be out of the question as important to be able to call himself an company director). Despite home visit to said, amazing flat, they got a full bursary for their child. I thought bursaries were supposed to be based on you first making every effort to pay for your children's fees yourself. It seems that no one from the bursary department asked them why they didn't get paying jobs or live in cheaper accommodation. The film director also managed to keep hidden almost £100K in her business account (from the past when she did make some money) - she genuinely thought that was completely irrelevant.

Some people over share.

Maybe? Maybe not? Maybe all students at that school applying got one. And the few who didn’t, did not realize they made too much to do so. People who get ‘charity’ may have more than people who don’t. But maybe those other people never applied to it or are content with their lot in life and don’t want to bother. They just met the qualifications according to the information given. It’s okay to give charity but it is harder to take it for many.

The bad friend is also saving the state money by not putting her kid in a state supported school.

This is the best post so far. I gasped when reading it. To be fair I think it’s more about keeping the ‘easy’ kids in the school and less the kids with issues. Cause the parents who pay a full ride might have kids that are handfuls and the school can only manage a few students like that. The fancy schools have their test results to think of. The parents with money are a different type of problem than a family on the breadline. Both can be problems. The reason people are willing to pay for school is to keep their kids away from “high maintenance” kids. To be in classes where the teacher is teaching most the time and classroom disruptions are kept to a minimum. It’s not so much their mom is in healthcare. But the kids are quiet, low maintenance and while not the top kids they perform academically in the upper half of students. And the parents don’t get pulled into drama and call a lot to complain. Let’s keep that family in.

Some grandparents pay for a trip. Others provide free child care by watching the child themselves. Why would a grandparents income be drawn into it? The school does not need the money to come from the parents. They just need to see how much income the parents have. The parents are simply required to get the money for what is not covered. What if a third party charity paid the initial fees? Some religious org for instance. Or perhaps a Polish organization? Would you drop the child cause their initial fees paid by just stop oil cause dad is part of the org and it’s some perk? Cause the org has enough money that the bill could be higher? How is that different from a relative pitching in?

Of course, every self employed person tries to make their taxable income as low as possible. Why wouldn’t they?

As far as I know, maintenance is often excluded as income.

just roll your eyes and keep Schtum op. It’s really not any of your business.

@BitOutOfPractice I think the majority are agree that it’s not really any of the OP’s business, which is why I can’t understand why Polly told her?!

If I was taking other people’s donated money that I wasn’t really eligible for, I wouldn’t tell anyone, as I’d know that it was wrong!

That's why I advised the OP upthread to distance herself from Polly as she obviously doesn’t consider lying a big deal.

But education is available to all despite financial circumstances. That is precisely why some pay for it and don’t put their kid in the gov system. Cause everyone gets it in the government system. I entered the tuition paying school around age 7. Since there were two of us they needed to send me a few years to the state supported school. It was so the school’s time was spent on moral education, academics and less kids with visible issues needing teacher and administrative attention. It’s for the kids that can walk in a room and put their hands folded on the desk and sit still and walk in a single file line that the military would appreciate. The taxpayer funded school I have noticed kids can not walk in a single file straight line. The taxpayer funded school has all the supports, social workers, therapists for speech, etc.. Tuition schools get minimal of that. My son has autism. Even before diagnosis I knew we would not be paying tuition. He needs a team of supports and a school used to managing such things. I have a whole new appreciation for the school system. And they seem to do others things for kids going to work or going to university. In my school everyone went to university.

Would you envy the school having the solve the problem of kids not getting winter coats or kids with entitled parents? Which problem is easier to solve. It’s the coats. You ask for new or used coats in good condition, wash the used ones and have them for students. The entitled parents and it trickling down to the entitled kid? You need massive skills in psychology. You need endurance. A lot of record keeping for things that come up. Another source of income if their status gets you dismissed.

You know somehow morals got thrown out the window as religious affiliation declined. Maybe people don’t know right from wrong?

In China and northeast Asia it’s entirely possible an aunt or great uncle did pay for the trip. Finances are intertwined outside the nuclear family into the extended family. Some don’t have kids themselves just to help raise nieces and nephews. Someone owning real estate abroad I’d tell on. Very different from a noncustodial parent giving support. They are no longer together for a reason. Could be her or him. But it can’t be counted on so butt out. It might not even be considered as income on the form since uncertain.