To report my private school friend?

[Reeeeee]

I have a friend, we will call her Polly for the purpose of this thread. Polly and I both send our children to an esteemed private school. This term, we were given the option to pay fees up front, which we both did. Polly gets a sizeable discount for her DD as she is part of the bursary scheme at the school. This morning, Polly and I were discussing the Fees in Advance scheme, and she gleefully told me that she no longer needs to hide her income from the bursar as she won’t be assessed again. She admitted she has been hiding maintenance from her ex (over £1,000 a month) as well as self-employed income.

I do not want to see her DD disadvantaged or for any negative repercussions to befall her. However, I feel livid that my friend has scammed the school in this way. My husband and I work incredibly hard to send our DD to the school and it’s not always easy, we have to make sacrifices and go without. Suffice to say, I won’t be spending time with Polly again.

That doesn’t make any sense. I can understand not including a new partner who doesn’t have parental responsibility but why would your ex be any more likely than anyone else to lose his job? By that logic no one’s income can be relied on because anyone could lose their job.

If you feel that strongly about it you should have the balls to speak to her about it in person, especially as you called her a friend.

Report her or don’t report her but to do so anonymously is a cowardly thing to do and I have little more respect for a coward than a cheat.

This. What will reporting do? Loads of self employed people fiddle their books. If she was paid cash and it was undeclared then the only ‘evidence’ they have is your say so. And you say she’s not even doing it anymore so there’s no way to catch her out now. Also I’m pretty sure child maintenance isn’t considered

It hardly impacts you.

I wish people would not confide such things to their dear 'friends'. They only cause resentment and some friends might talk to others, or even post about it on social media!

Never let your right hand know what your left is doing.

Op, If Polly is your friend, don't cut her off for this. Nobody has died for goodness sake.

But if you stop being friends with her she might work it out from that.

Seems a bit pathetic to me. But not dissimilar to private school parents’ behaviour.

Thank god I only went to a v minor private school for a few years whereas most of the other parents were Catholic unlike mine (divorced twice, working DM) and yes, they did bitch and talk about each other/staff/pupils.

Yep, pull up your big girl knickers and speak to your “friend” yourself, don’t snitch/report on her.

Realistically if she is getting payments in cash and not declaring them, what can the school prove? The maintenance income from the ex at least there is a paper trail.

I agree. Bursaries are all a bit of a con. Only those 'in the know' apply.,

This 👆 don't be a sneaky coward OP.

And don't pretend you care about her kid, you clearly don't.

Polly has behaved poorly, but that doesn’t mean you need to risk hurting a child to make things right (in your eyes). If you do, I’ll wager one day someone will return the favour and you’ll remember your own cold approach towards your collateral damage (Polly’s daughter).

Sorry, can you clarify @Reeeeee - she used the FIA scheme but her child receives a bursary?

Any chance this is an ill advised stealth boast ( lie) by Polly?

maybe she doesn’t like the fact she’s skint and she is bizarrely trying to show you she actually has lots of cash?

I find it odd that someone would openly admit this.

You sound determined to do it anyway, so why ask.

Leave it alone. If you and your husband are so much "wealthier than most", this has no bearing on you or your lives. Let the girl get a good education.

Well a huge number of private school parents will be well used to hiding their income from the taxman, so she's just playing to type.

I think it would be impossible to prove that she's been cheating tbh so why bother? I get your outrage because I feel the same. I've got a friend who I'm withdrawing from because she does scam the tax payers with her getting benefits from being a single mum w children and declaring pt job whereas she works ft and her DP (declared at another adress) works ft while getting benefits. It makes me sick to my stomach because I know there are people who really are in need.

It's disgusting behaviour and I have thought about this over and over and I can't bring myself to report them so I am slowly and cowardly ghosting instead..

Ffs. Shall I report my friend? Think about that sentence for a minute. Awful

you are NOT her friend - a friend wouldn't do what you want to do.

You'd make a fab Stasi style snitch though.

Not only private school parents as you can see above. But I do have less sympathy for them because they are already priviligied and just want more...

What about state school parents who suddenly discover their Catholic faith and baptise their child in the hope of getting into a 'better' school? Or cheat about where they live? People cheat all the time in all kinds of ways.

OP - if you're so concerned about injustice what exactly are you doing about it in terms of the wider world?

Did you intend to show exactly what full fees parents think of those on bursaries or those whom say they can't afford VAT on top?

I agree it is very dishonest. But if it will in anyway cause disruption or even the removal of her child from the school. Then i would keep the information to myself .

FFS do you let people jump the queue ahead of you at theme parks because some families are limited to going to the playground for free?

I would write in an anonymous note, likely they will casually ask for proof of finances and all her withdrawals for the last few years and find out for themselves.

I'd be more worried about HMRC finding out about the undeclared income. If you want to dob her in tell them. The bursar is the least of her potential problems.