To report my private school friend?

[Reeeeee]

I have a friend, we will call her Polly for the purpose of this thread. Polly and I both send our children to an esteemed private school. This term, we were given the option to pay fees up front, which we both did. Polly gets a sizeable discount for her DD as she is part of the bursary scheme at the school. This morning, Polly and I were discussing the Fees in Advance scheme, and she gleefully told me that she no longer needs to hide her income from the bursar as she won’t be assessed again. She admitted she has been hiding maintenance from her ex (over £1,000 a month) as well as self-employed income.

I do not want to see her DD disadvantaged or for any negative repercussions to befall her. However, I feel livid that my friend has scammed the school in this way. My husband and I work incredibly hard to send our DD to the school and it’s not always easy, we have to make sacrifices and go without. Suffice to say, I won’t be spending time with Polly again.

What a biased and stupid generalisation.

Report it in a month or so, they’ll probably just run a ‘random’ check of earnings at a time Polly thinks she can be less cautious and she’ll be caught out that way.

Good news is that VAT will be charged on those advance paid fees as well!

I expect that is rather the point of this thread.
Still, typical Private school parents behaviour beats typical State school parent behaviour - which I imagine involves a lot of swearing and fighting

Sarcasm in case anyone missed it

Getting her jailed for tax evasion would be the icing on the friendship cake!

So everyone should just accept shit behaviour? Because there's "a lot" of it? Shouldn't we all aspire to something better rather than racing to the bottom?

Tell the school.

I’m not really bothered what happens to her, I can’t abide cheats and scammers. My husband and I have more wealth than most, but we’re not rolling in it, we haven’t been on holiday for years and have the same cars we had when we met, we’ve sacrificed to afford to send our DD. Then there is Polly, who believes she’s entitled to fraud the school and other tax payers.

That’s my point. It’s an unfair system because only some kids have access to it, even with a discount.

Child maintenance doesn't get factored in for a range of income assessments (presumably because 1. It's for the child and 2. It is pretty unreliable). Does the school include Child support as household income anyway?

she gleefully told me that she no longer needs to hide her income from the bursar as she won’t be assessed again.

Why won’t she be assessed again?

Moral of this story….keep your mouth shut and don’t tell people your personal business
In the words of Bob Marley in one of his songs
’Only your friend will know your secret and only they can reveal it’’

Yep

I'm part of an ex-parents bursary scheme where a group of us pay a bit of money each month to fund a 100% bursary for a child who could not otherwise afford a place. DH and I are not well off - we had family help with fees. I'd be pissed off if someone was manipulating the system like this. She should go onto a partial bursary.

"Only two people can keep a secret and that's only if one of them is dead"

why would she tell you all that? weird.

thats quite a bit of sensitive financial information that she's giving out willy nilly, to a school mum friend.

I agree @Reeeeee
she has taken money from someone who needs it more.
Thats absolutely terrible!

Great, so you have answered your own question - you won’t be spending any more time with ‘Polly’. You may want to tell her though. End of.

Assuming any of this is true, of course.

This isn’t hmrc or benefits private schools can include whatever.

Ours included every penny coming into the house by whatever means plus declaration of assets.

child maintenance shouldn't be classed as a income par say as it isn't really a income as hmrc don't class it as a income any more but her self employed job yes she should be declaring to them as she is being dishonest on that part.

If she's keeping cash payments off the books and inflating her expenses, that's a matter for hmrc, not the school, which won't have the resources or willingness to investigate. Tell hmrc if you must.

Child maintenance unlikely to be factored in, as others have said.

I would drop her as a friend and I would tell her why. It’s appalling behaviour.

1. ’work incredibly hard’. That’s true of many people. Please don’t use that old trope of making out like you have worked harder than others to get to this privileged position. Talk to any nurse, Amazon warehouse operative etc and they will tell you just how hard they work. My guess it will be just as hard, if not harder, than you.
2. I don’t think you really need to worry about her DD being ‘disadvantaged’.

Honestly. Check your privilege. I say this as someone who grew up poor, works with disadvantaged communities but has a comfortable life and did use private Ed for a few years.

Paying up front to avoid a fair tax isn’t ok. Hiding income to get a bursary isn’t ok.
Private education (arguably) isn’t ok (I had huge cognitive dissonance about using it).
This massively unfair system we have in the U.K. and the huge inequality isn’t ok.

Report if you like, but don’t go thinking you hold the moral high ground here.

I understand them not asking about your new partner but don't understand them not asking about your ex - surely it's the same for married people and your own job, if you lose your jobs you can't pay fees. I must be missing something.

It sounds as if the maintenance wouldn't be counted anyway and to be honest, there's only so much extra you can claim in expenses (all will have to be invoiced and evidenced for HMRC, so I'd take what your friend said with a pinch of salt.

She probably means she was claiming all she could and hoping the maintenance wouldn't be requested.

I doubt she's someone who's in a secure position in life or, if she is cheating, does it lightly.