To report my private school friend?

[Reeeeee]

I have a friend, we will call her Polly for the purpose of this thread. Polly and I both send our children to an esteemed private school. This term, we were given the option to pay fees up front, which we both did. Polly gets a sizeable discount for her DD as she is part of the bursary scheme at the school. This morning, Polly and I were discussing the Fees in Advance scheme, and she gleefully told me that she no longer needs to hide her income from the bursar as she won’t be assessed again. She admitted she has been hiding maintenance from her ex (over £1,000 a month) as well as self-employed income.

I do not want to see her DD disadvantaged or for any negative repercussions to befall her. However, I feel livid that my friend has scammed the school in this way. My husband and I work incredibly hard to send our DD to the school and it’s not always easy, we have to make sacrifices and go without. Suffice to say, I won’t be spending time with Polly again.

People only ever get caught because they cannot keep their mouths shut.

Never tell anyone anything about your finances, ever. Especially if you are committing fraud!

I'd report her to the Bursar OP, in a heartbeat. It's fraud.

OP I totally agree with this post. Just forget it and move on; this doesn’t affect your life one bit so just leave it be.

I don't understand how a bursary student could afford to pay in advance. Isn't the entire point that of them getting a discount that they don't have that type of disposable income...

Erm if she’s lying about her self employment income I think HMRC should be the first call!

The right thing to do would be to say to her that unless she tells the Bursar that she made a mistake and comes clean then you will.

That will test her mettle.

This is why I wouldn’t report it OP.

I get that it’s galling, but you’d be actually harming a child who you know personally. This isn’t an abstract concept- it’s a kid who is settled in the school with friends.

I’m sure there will be posters who will say the mum put her kid in this position, but you’d be actively doing something to upset this child’s education.

I would never tell. You don’t have the full facts and you never know when the wheel might turn on you. It’s ur call but if the daughters are friends and she is ur friend , what is there to be gained?

I hate to tell you this but she won’t be the only one. A lot of people hide or ‘forget’ to declare income.
I know it’s really unfair but I would just concentrate on your own DC.

Call the police.

Or mind your own business.

I hate to break everyone's rose tinted specs here. I also fondly believed that private schools are benevolent educational charities that exist to offer excellence and individual care and to offer a great education also to some deserving kids who otherwise couldn't come because there isn't enough income in the family for it. Maybe often for single parents etc.

Well, my eyes have sadly been pulled right open and pinned back like in Clockwork Orange on this one.

There is something else going on. What happens is, the school has to offer some bursaries as part of its requirement re: charitable status. But they don't actually want destitute charity cases in the school. Because they are mired in snobbery, and fiercely protective of their socio-economic parent profile, as the parents also want to feel their kids are in a school with a certain social exclusivity. So how they often work this is that they offer smallish amounts off, 15% or so, to parents who they want in the school, as a kind of sweetener. So if there are two kids or more, or if the parents are particularly desirable in other ways (status, fame, political power, etc.). I had my child at one school where something happened and I absolutely couldn't pay all the fees. I was eventually offered a 10% bursary. For which I was super grateful but then anyhow had to move my child as of course it was too little. So how did I feel when I found out that her friend's parents, a secure couple with a great business, property abroad, lots of holidays etc and no money problems, revealed they had a 25% bursary.

Second private school. Multiple child family, two parents, prominent local business, status in local politics. 45% bursary. Us, single mother and child having fled domestic violence, 25% after a struggle.

I'm not saying all schools are like this, but I have realised, to my abject disappointment in people, that some of these so-called means-tested bursaries are just dished out to curry favour and keep certain families sweet. It's a back-hander.

So as for your friend, the whole thing is corrupt anyhow, so who cares. Just leave her to it. For sure the school can afford it. Let her DD stay, get over your friend's competence at life in a competitive world. Bad people thrive, are wealthy, have cars and homes and holidays and are safe. Idiots like me are lost. So admire your friend.

That's how life seems to be. I'd been alive really quite a while before I found that out. But I can't pretend it isn't true. :(

Whistle blowers are often given axwide berth - people in the office will know for one thing. The staff will eye you with suspicion and word might get out. It's really not worth it. My daughter is autistic and acts like a police woman at work and it does not make her popular, I can tell you. For your own sake I wouldn't say anything. Schools are renowned for word getting out. You don't need to risk it.

This is very odd.

Surely it would have raised eyebrows in the bursar's department that someone in receipt of a means-tested award suddenly has a lump sum?

I think she will know it was you. It’s a nasty thing to do, taking a bursary from a child whose family really couldn’t afford the place.

This is the best comment.
Private schools benefit from completely laughable charity status - they're already gaming a system - so it's not exactly a deep miscarriage of justice that someone is being a bit scammy with them as well.

As you might’ve surmised I work in this area. Not a chance in hell a parent who had a lump sum would be able to have assistance.

Either the school’s financial management is very poor or this is a load of rubbish.

Having said that the utter nonsense I hear from some parents is mind boggling.

I agree with others who’ve said to leave it. What do you gain from grassing her up? Satisfaction? There are many bursary places still there for others too (whatever the reason) especially if it’s such a reputable establishment. I understand, it’s annoying. But really, not your business. You wouldn’t be left with anything but negative impact and suspicion. Even worse her child could be removed; I doubt that but would you feel better, if she was? Move on rise above etc.

The grandmother of Polly has paid. So surely that would get past the bursar as it’s not Polly paying and affording it, a family member has paid in effect.

God why do you know so much about this woman’s finances - I think she needs to stop talking!

REPORT REPORT REPORT - also out her on any social media platforms if it’s not too common for your ‘esteemed’ school to use them.
Peer Polly.

That would not wash.

The source of the money doesn't matter, what does is that Polly has funds available to her to pay the fees

The declaration of those funds would in itself trigger a review of the amount awarded.

That’s interesting, thanks. Perhaps she is already being investigated then.

We need to change this attitude on snitching. Bring it on as far as I’m concerned, be it wrong-doing or bullying etc. This is how people get away with stuff. Snitch, grass, whatever you call it away.

Not at my school. The parent has been assessed as being able to afford an amount. We’d expect them to pay that. If additional funds become available the bursary would be reduced accordingly.

Eg.

Parent can afford £3k a term, full fees are £7k

If a grandparent came along and said ‘I’d like to pay GD’s £18k fees for the next two years we’d say no.

Wed expect the full £3k from the parents plus shortfall made up from GP so £4k per term until exhausted.

A lump sum and financial assistance are incompatible.

The topic of the fees in advance scheme came up and she told me all of this… maybe she assumed I’m a fellow scammer or as immoral as her, I’ve no idea.

We had a bursary and my MIL paid the fees for us. That's not against the rules at all.