To report my private school friend?

[Reeeeee]

I have a friend, we will call her Polly for the purpose of this thread. Polly and I both send our children to an esteemed private school. This term, we were given the option to pay fees up front, which we both did. Polly gets a sizeable discount for her DD as she is part of the bursary scheme at the school. This morning, Polly and I were discussing the Fees in Advance scheme, and she gleefully told me that she no longer needs to hide her income from the bursar as she won’t be assessed again. She admitted she has been hiding maintenance from her ex (over £1,000 a month) as well as self-employed income.

I do not want to see her DD disadvantaged or for any negative repercussions to befall her. However, I feel livid that my friend has scammed the school in this way. My husband and I work incredibly hard to send our DD to the school and it’s not always easy, we have to make sacrifices and go without. Suffice to say, I won’t be spending time with Polly again.

It’s not really donated money when tuition paying parents must pay a fee that goes to it.

Just like it’s not really volunteering when you are required to do 15 hours a year.

Just like it is not really charity when it comes out of taxes you are required to pay.

@HVfan What about endowments and charitable grants though? Those are also used for bursaries.

Also, don’t private schools have Annual Funds that they ask parents/alumni to contribute to every year? My universities certainly ask me for money regularly!

It is not ‘wrong’ it is a criminal offence. And now if she doesn’t report it she will be implicated. You have to like someone a LOT to risk a criminal record

She didn’t take charity. She stole it.

You are being petty for absolutely no reason. The world is unfair. While you're at it, why not go and tell on the world governments for their narcissist abusive behaviour to their citizens with billions in misappropriated funds. That is why I can never tell my friends anything about my life. They stab you in the back.

Absolutely no reason? Her "friend" is stealing. It's fraud.

How would this make you more honest than her then ?
if you strong enough admit it was you or leave her alone.

Absolutely agree with you .
Thanks for this comment and glad to know is some decent people still out there

Absolutely agree with you .
Thanks for this comment and glad to know is some decent people still out there

I’m saying that the person has skin in the game cause she has to pay a fee to contribute in some part to these awards. I think it’s ridiculous they make people pay tuition and then a fee to go towards funding others. There is far too much forced fund raising, mandatory volunteering in this world. And to put the word volunteering or donation to them is just wrong when it’s required.

You need to leave well alone. It's not really any of your business what she does and it's not directly affecting you either. Her child will be the one to suffer, and telling tales about what someone is doing is extremely petty and vindictive in my opinion. She obviously sees you as a friend who she can speak to freely. Your definitely not the sort of friend I would want that goes behind her back to tell on her. You need to mind your own business, be happy that your child is at a good school and I assume happy there and get on with your own life!

I find this thread really depressing. I think people should do the right thing. The OP’s friend is stealing, is fraudulent and defrauding the school and hmrc. All this “be a good friend” stuff glides over that and the moral duty one has to say if something illegal is being done. What if she had disclosed she had stabbed someone? Still fine? Defrauded a pensioner? Still fine? It baffles me.

I think she should leave it. But I don’t think she should be a good friend.

The things you mentioned are what you report to law enforcement. Not a school.

OP would be reporting fraud whilst her friend is committing fraud. That’s the definition of more honest.

The school would have to contact the police as they are the ones being defrauded. Alerting the bursar is all the OP can do.

Right there is your answer. ‘No one grumbled’ would if be fine if she stabbed someone? If the response to the transgression is to call police you call the police. If the response it to leave a message for an officer worker, you see there is a clear difference.

Our daughter started at a girls boarding school aged 15, two months in we lost everything. School gave her a bursary for the next 4 years. If we ever win the lottery they will get it all back but in the mean time so grateful they had money in the kitty for her.

Typical private school parents don't need to lie, cheat or steal:

Bursaries are usually funded by alumni donations

Maintenance isn’t included in much means testing . It isn’t deemed reliable and it’s lots of cases it isn’t .

She’s showing the kind of skills one needs to maintain a status quo that benefits the wealthy over the deserving.

It’s literally the purpose of these schools.

How many children does she have? £1000 a month in maintenance is a lot so I'm guessing multiple children so not like all that money is for one child. Id keep my nose out.

It’s none of your business. Keep your beak out.