To think adults don’t throw parties anymore?

[Lemonadeand]

A lot of our friends are turning 40 this year, or had their fortieth birthday in the last couple of years. Some of them, including very sociable/outgoing people, when I asked if they were going to have a party just laughed and ended up having very small dinner parties if anything.

I remember for my parents’ 40th birthdays back in the ‘90s they threw massive house parties. Similarly many of their friends. And for big anniversaries there were big, more formal parties such as a whole pub rented out etc.

Then on Mumsnet, posters are often very dismissive of adult birthdays. Someone posted about their planned anniversary party and most responses were telling them not to bother, it’s too much expense and hassle, just have a nice holiday instead.

So have parties for adults just gone out of fashion? Is it cost of living/ smaller houses?

YABU: Parties for adult birthdays were never a thing/ they are still a thing.

YANBU: There are fewer big parties for adults than there used to be.

People in the 1980s/early 1990s were extremely busy too so thats a silly excuse.

We managed to organise parties without the Internet to help book things, work full time, look after the kids (including the large male child!). We didn't just sit on our arse doing nothing.

The last big party I had was for my 50th which was pre covid. I had about 25 people round and had a mixture of food delivered by caterers and some we had done at home. The last big party at our house was DS hosting a NYE party in 2019. He was 18 and they wanted to go out but it’s so expensive and they were all in sixth form or college. So they had it here, we were making ourselves scarce but at about 10pm he popped his head round the door and declared it wasn’t right us two sat alone so in we went and what a great party.

I went to a party a couple of weeks ago. A thank you party it was never going to be a riotous messy one up but there was about 30 of us. Lovely food and plenty of Pimms. Held in the house and garden.

@GingerBeverage What a lot of truth in your post, it’s really sad.

I had a sort of party for my 50th in a cocktail bar. Our friends are quite varied so some would have balked at the cost and some have little kids we just invited everyone and put money behind the bar so all the drinks were free and that really changed the atmosphere as everyone was equal. I think everyone turned up and had a great time. Did cheap pizza that we picked up from the local takeout. I don't regret it

We have big parties! And go to big parties.
One thing we didn't do though was big, hired hall, kids parties. We had a couple of whole class parties but we just had them at home (we have a big house). We just had party food, a couple of party games, and let them play. What more could a five year old want? We did a some of smaller groups as an activity centre as well.
Our adult house/garden parties are just a bit of food, drink and some music. We've even decided to have them very last minute, organised on the day.

I'm 60 next year and definitely no party. I had one for my 40th at home which was lovely, had lots of trips abroad for my 50th. Used to always have a Christmas party plus hosted a couple of NYE parties, dunno why I don't now? It's odd, I've definitely withdrawn a lot as I've got older
Still have lots of friends but far more likely to go out with small groups for a meal than have a big party.

My parents never had any sort of birthday party, nor any other adult I knew growing up. To be fair, I’m not sure they would have had loads of friends to invite to them as they weren’t very social.

I have been to 50th birthday party recently and it was a big do, but god, I would want to crawl under a rock if Dh threw something like that for me. I don’t drink. I don’t like to stay up late. Don’t particularly like crowds. And afternoon tea or something would be nice, or maybe a BBQ in the afternoon at ours, but I’d hate a ‘party’. The 50th birthday was the first one I’ve been to in years. My 40th was during COVID, so we just stayed home and ate nice food. But I’d say definitely my friends are still more social that my parents generation.

In the 1990’s most 40yr olds would have older teenagers/grown up kids.
Now a 40yr old is quite likely to have a baby/toddler…maybe there will be a load of excessive 60th parties instead!

I’ve not had a big birthday party as an adult. I’m an introvert and quite shy and the thought of hosting one gives me the willies.

I miss those big parties. My parents threw big ones (hired hall, band, cailidh for a couple of them) for certain anniversaries and my dad's 60th with lots of guests, with some travelling from abroad to be there. They also did an open house on boxing day and put on a buffet for all the guests that'd turn up over the course of the day.
A friend's parents threw a big new year house party every year that I went to as a teenager.
So many big housewarming parties I went to with my family as a child.

I've been to a couple of big parties in the last 10 years - one was a big May Day party, loads of people, and another was a housewarming party that was also pretty crowded

I think this is the core issue.

Our lives are less centralised and more compartmentalised than before.

I am an unsociable cow so I am grateful for fewer big parties!

Any excuse for a party here. Birthdays, Christmas, Halloween, sun is shining etc.

It depends on your view of a party though. I love having people in my home, enjoy cooking/feeding people, cranking up the music, throwing up a few decorations for special occasions etc. Luckily we have fab neighbours who are always invited and we socialise with regularly. It’s relaxed, fun, no one needs to find a babysitter as kids are welcome.

Would I hire a hall and throw money behind a bar though? Probably not.

Same, 40’s with primary DC, it’s enough of a hassle planning kids birthdays. On my own I want to sit quietly clutching a bottle of wine. Am shattered.

My DGP had parties like this - my parents never my IL tend to go to others though did one when pfb was young to show her off - think MIL found it too much hard work with extended family.

We did BBQ with work mates and friends when first two were young - then moved to place hard to get to know people though we really tried and house also needed a lot of work.

Did in those years ask older friend to visits one memorable occasion some old friends were supposed to come on Halloween weekend - we spent most of Saturday with kids getting excited rang late in day ask how much longer - they weren't coming went somewhere else.

Moved here tried to throw a house warming mainly DH colleagues and old friends as hadn't met people yet on day I took kids out in morning with IL so not hung around waiting - got back no-one came dropped out very last minute. Only done kids parties since and one of those in summer only one child turned up though all the other were well attended.

We do have significant birthday this year - we're following IL example and going away for the weekend.

They are not for me and haven't been since I was a student. I'm grateful none of my friends or family ever threw me a hen party, baby shower or surprise party. IMO the more 'organised' they are, the worse. When we got married we eloped. I'll host dinner or a garden barbeque, and am quite capable of 'event planning' - like a major conference for 200+ with social events and wine receptions in the evenings. (Sounds a barrel of laughs, right?, but it's actually fun and these colleagues know how to have a great time). But parties: no.

I love the idea of 'going dancing' as my granny used to when she was young. You had a card to fill with dance partners and everyone knew the moves from foxtrot to tango to waltz.

I think I was born in the wrong era.

You have to really push yourself to throw a big party, I had to make myself throw a big 40th and 50th (second was better because my kids were older and I wasn't knackered) - it was expensive and stressful but both were so worth it. I'll push the boat out again for my 60th, because it's so fantastic to get everyone you know togethr and the guests love the excuse to dress up and go out and meet up ... it doesn't happen much any more. I'd encourage anyone thinking about a party to just do it ... they're so worth it.

I think people are more flaky and can’t be relied upon anymore. He amount of stories I hear of lots of money being spent on food and drink and for only five people to turn up.

I had a big party for my 30th joint with a friend and it was fab. Nothing for 40th due to Covid.

Tbh I don't enjoy parties much though. My friends now are all over the place, would struggle for childcare, and mostly don't know each other. I fear feeling stupid if no one wants to come. My 30th was different as it was all friends from the same local hobby group I'm no longer a part of who all knew each other.

I did go to a 60th recently which was extended family.

I had a big party for my 40th, nine years ago, hired a bar, about 80 people. Am hoping to do similar next year although hoping for fewer people as it was hard to get round and talk to everyone.

My friends are all turning 50 now and I have been to one big party earlier this year, glam venue, canapes etc, and have been invited to a smaller house party later this year.

YABU, I'm not a party person. I'm turning 40 next year and instead have been booked onto a cruise holiday in the summer. This is what I wanted to do, so for my actual birthday, we'll just have a meal out somewhere.

With house parties, might be because more people in their 40s rent these days and are worried about jeopardising their tenancy due to complaints or damage in their home.

Then, it used to be more affordable to book a venue but lots of places (e.g. pubs with upstairs rooms, community halls etc) have closed down in past 20-30 years. Or they’re shockingly expensive to hire.

Plus, I think everything’s got more commercial. When we used to throw parties back in the day, we borrowed and rigged up speaker stacks, mates DJed, we made our own food and decorated the place ourselves. These days, there’s less DIY spirit and people would rather pay for all that, but then can’t afford it.

To all the posters saying its too much hassle. It's only as much hassle as you want to make it. All you really need it guests. People almost always bring more than they can drink with them. Providing food is optional. I usually do a half arsed buffet. And the dishwasher (or the bin) does the cleaning up.
Maybe I throw shit parties though

I'd far rather do this. DH and I went through a phase of cruises before we had DC, and in those days we did used to have a longer stretch in port giving time to explore. For my birthday, which usually falls around Easter, I'd prefer a day at the coast or walking in the woods followed by a nice tapas.

Hope you have a wonderful time celebrating your way!

It's an interesting question, we used to have quite a few big gatherings when we were younger (not sure I'd call them proper parties) but rarely do it now even though we have the space.

For us it's that everyone is so spread out over the country. Family live a couple of hours away (we both moved away for university and never went 'home'), old friends are all across the UK and since we work hybrid/remotely we don't have a pool of local work colleagues that we'd want to spend time with. With our local friends we're more likely to meet for dinner and drinks or have them round for a meal than have a big party. It also tends to be more spontaneous.

So getting everyone else together is like organising a wedding with dates needed months on advance, people needing to travel, and the cost of accommodation if we can't put them all up.

Add to that the huge cost of hosting, the cleaning before and after, juggling weekends with DCs' activities and the fact that people are so much more flaky about invitations.

I'm planning a big 55th birthday party for next year.

Why a 55th party, you say?

Because I didn't get to throw a 50th in 2020 because of covid, and I love a party!

That sounds perfect.