To think adults don’t throw parties anymore?

[Lemonadeand]

A lot of our friends are turning 40 this year, or had their fortieth birthday in the last couple of years. Some of them, including very sociable/outgoing people, when I asked if they were going to have a party just laughed and ended up having very small dinner parties if anything.

I remember for my parents’ 40th birthdays back in the ‘90s they threw massive house parties. Similarly many of their friends. And for big anniversaries there were big, more formal parties such as a whole pub rented out etc.

Then on Mumsnet, posters are often very dismissive of adult birthdays. Someone posted about their planned anniversary party and most responses were telling them not to bother, it’s too much expense and hassle, just have a nice holiday instead.

So have parties for adults just gone out of fashion? Is it cost of living/ smaller houses?

YABU: Parties for adult birthdays were never a thing/ they are still a thing.

YANBU: There are fewer big parties for adults than there used to be.

Yes! I was saying this to DH the other day. We throw parties - maybe 2 or 3 a year - and lots of people come. But no one else does. I don't know why.

I do find it a bit of a hassle sometimes hosting but it's so nice getting everyone together and watching the kids hoon around while the adults chat around the brazier.

It's really expensive and loads of people will just message last minute and not show up.

Particularly for a 40th.

I think they wait until they are older. All the adult parties I have been to over recent years have been 60th, 65th and 70th parties.

Mind you, it may be because I am in that age bracket. I recall only going to one 40th back in the day though.

I'm of this age or soon to be. I know of one person who has had a party but I don't know of anyone else planning to. I won't be; I'd rather spend the money on a holiday.

Agree. People are way too flaky now. I wouldn't go to the trouble or expense for guests to cancel on the day for self-care reasons or whatever.

Definitely a change of parenthood age has changed things.

Our parents had parties at 40 as they'd spent their 20s/30s dealing with nappies and sleepless nights.

Our generation are partying in our 20s, having babies in our 30s& 40s and resuming the partying at 50 - I've had at least one 50th party every month for a while now.

Also a consideration - with more people moving for jobs, love, affordability etc., my good friends are spread all over the place. In fact a number of mine live abroad. I have a couple of good friends where I live now, but not really enough to make a party. DH has even fewer local friends as he works in a city over an hour away by train. Our closest family members are a couple of hours away, and PILs are on the other side of the Atlantic. Whilst people will make an effort to travel for weddings, birthday parties are not in the same bracket and anyway, we do not have room to put everyone up. It is a shame.

I would love a party for my big birthday. I just don't know enough people to invite to fill any space though. I think social media has eroded real connection.

Is it to do with people having kids later? 50th parties seem more of a thing. Though I missed my 40th due to covid. Was going to have a party.

My friend had a 40th and loads of people cancelled last minute. She had a room, free booze and buffet and it was only a third full.

Or come on MN to realise all your guests are bitching about being invited to a party they don't want to go to. Or realise half your guests have pulled out because of social anxiety, which has now become some people's entire personality.
Who can be arsed? I only meet small groups in restaurants these days.

I had a big party for my 40th and recently attended a 50th party. I also know of two big 60th parties in my circle recently.

I think it depends who you know really, or maybe where you live?

YANBU- I too remember big parties as a kid held by adults for their birthdays etc

Now, noone has them. Bear in mind though- I remember people's houses back then being much bigger as housing costs weren't as high so they had loads of space for them. Now, lots of people live in flats or smaller properties which make it much harder. I also agree that people are much flakier now. I would not book a hall costing £££ only to have people flake out at the last minute, its just a pointless waste of time and money.

Far rather go out for a meal and then you arent out of pocket or hugely disappointed not to have a massive group attend.

I went to a big 40th birthday party this year and it was brilliant. The birthday person hired a bar and invited loads of friends and family. Mind you this is someone who is single and child free, and who makes a real effort to prioritise her friendships.

Other mum friends I have who have turned 40 have organised nights out or maybe weekends away, with fewer people but still very good fun and people do make an effort.

However, I can't remember the last time I went to a house party for an adult's birthday. I've been to tea parties for young children at their houses but not a party for the adults, even child free adults. I don't think I've been invited to something like that since before Covid.

My parents had a massive garden party for their 25th wedding anniversary when I was a teenager, and I can't imagine anyone I know of my generation doing anything like that now. A combination of factors (smaller houses, having children later, Covid and social media changing how we socialise) have just shifted expectations.

100% this. Talking to friends from other cultures and the UK (southeast) is definitely a lonelier society.

That, too.

I’m sociable and generally celebrate with DH and friends, usually a meal and/or some drinks out, maybe a wider family thing too.

I wouldn’t dream of throwing a party. Whilst I can rely on my core 5-6 friends, beyond that most people are total flakes - yeah I’ll come and then cancelling on the day. Not worth the time, money, or effort. I’d rather do something smaller with the people who give a shit.

For us it’d be cost but also we both have huge friendship groups and families. It would turn really difficult trying to think who to invite. We have a lot of siblings and are also close to our cousins. They all have kids (some in their 20s and 30s) then we have school friends, uni friends, work friends, parents from school good friends! So it just gets too much!

I had a big house party for my 40th. It was amazing. I've been to lots of big 40ths/50ths. My parents had a big house party (albeit daytime) for their golden wedding anniversary as well.

I like to host and so does DH. We have a family-oriented daytime house party every year anchored around a big sporting event and it's always a success.

We used to host a good 8 big parties/bbq’s a year. Fortunate we have a lovely big place and also hosted a few friends birthdays and an engagement party too.

TBH cost has a lot to do with it, and the actual work of setting up, and tidying up, the dishwasher being on for hours on end. I ousted a lot of extra crockery to make my cupboards easier to navigate last year. AND no one ever invites us to theirs for even drinks so I put my foot down a bit. A couple of CF’s suggested we threw a party and I said it was their turn, and of course it didn’t happen.

I miss it a bit because I always gave the house a big clean, I was wondering why I have cobwebs where I’ve never had cobwebs before and it’s because oooooooo I haven’t hoovered those places for a long while. Oops.

I'm not in the UK & things must be very different here as we go to parties & throw parties! We're in our early 50s.

In the past couple of weeks we travelled to another city to attend a house party. It was a LOT of fun!

We are regularly invited to birthday parties for occasion birthdays - lots of 50ths at the moment.

But also Christmas parties, summer parties & random 'get together' parties - always a chance to get dressed up in a lovely dress etc

They're a mix of in people's houses & in venues. Most at home though.

They range from 15 or 20 people right up to high numbers. The one we were at recently had about 50 or so people

We love a good party!!

We have a legendary Christmas party every year and have done for the past 15 years. We have a big open plan downstairs that suits it well. We have about 70 people and these days I get everyone to bring a plate of cold canapés so the work is shared. It’s all finger food so no cutlery or crockery and the only washing up is glasses.

I think the reason many people I know don’t host parties themselves is confidence. Lots of people I know say things like they’d be scared or would be stressed. My parents always had big parties so I’m used to them and love them.

re cost - doesn’t cost us much as everyone is very generous and brings food, lots of alcohol and gifts. Always end up with more wine than we started with!

This. My family and friends are all round the country - it's easier to go and do smaller things with different groups of people.

I think people are just generally lazier with greetings ,gifts ,time and flakey.
I had a 40th in 00s ,regular NYE parties back in 90s,people were reliable and loved a party .Definitely think having SM and mobile phones is the main problem. People are more insular and just don’t make as much effort. It’s not just about having room/ money ,it’s time and inclination as well.

I agree. We’re under 40 and usually end up throwing 1 big party a year (for a birthday, christening, Christmas..). We have one family of friends who host a lot more often (great family friendly parties). Space can be an issue for people but our houses are not on the small side.

We consider ourselves very good hosts - it gets very expensive and takes a lot of planning. It makes things a bit easier if we hire a venue (nice pub or even a museum this summer!) - but adds up of course!

We feel very old fashioned for still driving the regular big parties, but clearly enjoy it!