To think adults don’t throw parties anymore?

[Lemonadeand]

A lot of our friends are turning 40 this year, or had their fortieth birthday in the last couple of years. Some of them, including very sociable/outgoing people, when I asked if they were going to have a party just laughed and ended up having very small dinner parties if anything.

I remember for my parents’ 40th birthdays back in the ‘90s they threw massive house parties. Similarly many of their friends. And for big anniversaries there were big, more formal parties such as a whole pub rented out etc.

Then on Mumsnet, posters are often very dismissive of adult birthdays. Someone posted about their planned anniversary party and most responses were telling them not to bother, it’s too much expense and hassle, just have a nice holiday instead.

So have parties for adults just gone out of fashion? Is it cost of living/ smaller houses?

YABU: Parties for adult birthdays were never a thing/ they are still a thing.

YANBU: There are fewer big parties for adults than there used to be.

So we’ve just been talking about that as my other half is turning 40 at the end of the year. In the end we had to pay for various boring expenses like a new tumble dryer and getting our wills sorted. So for us very much cost of living.

We might consider a house party but I think friendship groups are more dispersed so can’t really invite our far away friends for ‘just’ a house party?

I do think people have less fun now than my parents did when I was a kid.

Depends on the number of people and the space available.

At our party there are a stalwart small group that boogie every year. 2021 as a smaller group nearly everyone danced.

The problem with parties is your mixing so many different groups together it really doesn't work. I prefer to do separate things then shove work colleagues, friends and family into one room together

Must depend on your circle. We throw and attend parties fairly regularly. Less regular recently because everyone's neighbours complain about even the tamest early evening noise.

I'm not interested in family parties, i don't have anything in common with any of my cousins, my parents are split up so would be awkward etc.

But i have a large friendship group and we still party!!

I'm hosting Halloween this year and dress up is mandatory 😄🎃

Re different groups. That’s one of the BEST things about our party - lots of our friends love fresh meat! So mixing it up and inviting a new group can be really fun.

We also invite neighbours so don’t get complaints about noise!

from my experience, yes people did have parties and was the thing when I was growing up in the 70's/80's. I do find now that its the same people who have the parties and it gets a bit galling that you are forking out lots to entertain your friends and no one else seems to reciprocate, you don't get invited to theirs for parties as it costs so much for food/drinks these days. Or you end up going out for a meal and sharing costs, so you pay for their birthday and your own!! I am not tight by any means but it does make me think twice about it now.

I can only remember going to one 40th. Our kids were 3/4 at the time (it was a baby group friend). I went away with dh for a weekend - much more of a treat with a 3/4yr old! If I'd had a party I'd have had nobody to look after ds.

I've got a 50th party coming up in November and another in January. My dh who is five years older and all his friends more often went away with their wives for a weekend abroad (or were during covid like my DH). I am not sure what I'll do but a weekend away is more appealing than a big party.

My friends are quite spread around the country and I would feel a bit entitled asking them to travel hundreds of miles for my birthday. Maybe in previous generations people lived closer to their oldest friends?

It’s because everything’s so chuffing expensive these days! Food, booze, buying a decent size house you can host in…

We've literally just held a 40th birthday party for DH. We hired a venue, had it catered, put some money behind the bar, got a DJ. It was excellent, lots of people there, all had a great time.

But... we throw probably two parties a year at home, so we have a tried and tested guest list. DH has a massive family, so that really does bulk up the numbers so we're never worried about sitting around in an empty venue. Our DC are older now (our youngest is 8), but we made sure the venue was child friendly and started at 6.30 so people with younger kids could come down then head home when they got crotchety.

I probably won't have one for my 40th - I'm thinking about booking a group holiday instead. DH is much more extroverted than me so it suits him better!

I think it’s cost and hassle. I used to have one every summer, about 50,people, stopped a couple of years ago, I can’t be arsed. A friend always has, big full on catered events, but she’s also stopped. We get together in our friendship groups, six of us or so, but we don’t really do the big thing any more.

I think this is a post Covid thing. Me and DH often throw summer BBQ’s etc but notice nobody else seems to.

I would say though they are SO expensive. We can easily spend £500 or so on a bit of booze and burgers and sausages for 30 people + kids.

Also Sunday roasts - neither of our parents have done a Sunday roast for the family post Covid and they used to be a regular thing. We do them but it’s not the same as going to your Mum and Dads!

Hahaha you made me spit my tea out! But I can´t say I disagree!

I think this nails it. Also the post about more divorces meaning smaller houses - but also fracturing of social circles.

The housing crisis has led to a lot of quite natural housing envy too - people get understandably upset at seeing other people's large houses when they are living in a smaller house than they grew up in.

We worry about young people's mental health but what about us 50+ people: we are going to be fucked in our old age with years of very little socialising and tiny friendship groups.

We’re a bit the same! We used to have parties but the cost of everything has shot up! And I guess now we are older, we find it more tiring doing all of the organising. Same with dinner parties. Also, it got to the point where we realised we were doing all of the hosting, which was fine, but no one, save for one couple, ever reciprocated. So now we just swap dinners with them.

I think women working ft has a lot to do with it, as there is no spare capacity in the weekly schedule.

Also, the weather hasn’t helped recently. We sometimes announce a spontaneous barbecue if we know the weather is going to be good and those gatherings are sometimes the best as they just evolve naturally and everyone contributes.

Edited to say: I think some people are afraid of entertaining unless their home is absolutely perfect which is a great shame. Ours is ramshackle and if people except hospitality and then judge they don’t get another invitation. People spend so much more time and money on decor nowadays and then don’t invite anyone in except “their own little family” It’s strange really!

My family used to have a lot of family house parties when I was growing up. My dad was quite a sociable person and all my family lived within about half hour or so of eachother so it was easy for them to walk over, catch a bus (we were in London) or lift share. My parents celebrated all their big birthdays with friends and family.

I moved away from London and so everyone would have to travel a couple hours to get here. Aunts and uncles are aging, cousins have their own children and extended families, grandparents have passed away so we don't seem to do these big get together now.

I'm hoping perhaps in the future the family will increase again as my children get partners, have children and so on but right now it's just me and the kids, my brother and my dad when he is able to get here. Mum passed away last year. We don't really see their dad's side of the family but they are fairly reserved anyway.

Parties are huge here. We've been invited to a Halloween party and a party for someone's (mid 40s) birthday. We will also get a Christmas party invite in the next week. We're not central to the party circuit in the village, so don't go to that many, but there are certainly parties happening all the time here.

This might, however, feed into the argument about cost of living and house size. We live in an affluent commuter village and most of the people who host the parties have quite large houses/ gardens and seem unaffected by COL.

I wouldn't know enough people to invite! We just about scraped 60 together for our wedding.

I always think birthday parties are an odd choice for adults, I think it says 'look at me' in a way which would make me uncomfortable.

accept hospitality not except, sorry! Too late to edit!

Am I the only one who considers a dinner party or dinner & drinks out as a 'party'?!

The latter has been my birthday celebration for the last few years (I'm in my 30s).

Not among my friends they haven't. Any excuse for a party is good enough. At people's houses, in halls, golf clubs, bars. We probably average one every month or so and it's always been this way. We partied when we were young and single, then as parents with little kids running round and we are still doing it as we reach retirement.

This year we have upped the ante a bit - we have been on two week long holidays with different sets of friends /relations which were effectively week long parties.

"I do think people have less fun now than my parents did when I was a kid".

Ahh... that was another era... when people had large homes, no internet so socialised IRL, big social circles, there was a wife willing to cook, hang wall decor and clean the mess after, families were big (because we could afford them), food was cheap, covid did not existed, life was safer and everyone and their mother was invited to our living room. I remember my parents parties, they were massive, all the neighbours dancing, eating and drinking while the kids watched TV and played in another room.

Life as we knew it has changed.

Used to love a good party! I think Covid, cost of living and a general malaise about the state of the world has changed the dynamic and people do these things less now.

We have one for our wedding anniversary every year. Put in the garden. Usually friends and neighbours (we only have nextdoor as rural). Great fun and people can stay over at the campsite over the road for mates rates £10pp. People bring food and drinks and we supply the usual bbq food, salads, snacks, drinks and puds so there's always plenty to eat. We have a fab time.
Nextdoor do similar for their family- kids, grand kids, in-laws, exes and partners. We go to theirs and they come to ours. We're very lucky to have lovely neighbours. We're off out for dinner with them on Saturday for my birthday.
We love a party here 🎶🥳

Oh and my house is a 2 bed semidetached cottage as is Nextdoor. Never been an issue for space