To think adults don’t throw parties anymore?

[Lemonadeand]

A lot of our friends are turning 40 this year, or had their fortieth birthday in the last couple of years. Some of them, including very sociable/outgoing people, when I asked if they were going to have a party just laughed and ended up having very small dinner parties if anything.

I remember for my parents’ 40th birthdays back in the ‘90s they threw massive house parties. Similarly many of their friends. And for big anniversaries there were big, more formal parties such as a whole pub rented out etc.

Then on Mumsnet, posters are often very dismissive of adult birthdays. Someone posted about their planned anniversary party and most responses were telling them not to bother, it’s too much expense and hassle, just have a nice holiday instead.

So have parties for adults just gone out of fashion? Is it cost of living/ smaller houses?

YABU: Parties for adult birthdays were never a thing/ they are still a thing.

YANBU: There are fewer big parties for adults than there used to be.

I grew up with parents having many parties at home with various social circles. Think personal friend, golf club, neighbours, etc.. they were sociable until health dictated otherwise. In my early 20s and 30's I was a social butterfly, but looking back I think I was just performing as it was what my parents had done. Now I'm in my 5th decade, I hate going out at night and for more than a couple of hours. I also hate inclement weather. Deep down Im a real homebody and am never happy when Im elsewhere for long, and away from my cat and dogs. I have a small window I like for socialising lunchtime, or 5-8pm later on. After that I have FOBI 🤣🫣

Not sure if i've seen it mentioned but when I was growing up everyone drank and drove home.

FOBI ! Had to look it up , but I defo have this in spades at times.

Not when I was young in the seventies

I agree with this - growing up in the 80s. Maybe not drinking loads and driving but certainly having 3 beers or 2 to 3 glasses of wine at a house party and then driving home seemed the norm for my parents' friends

My parents were very careful. No car, no job, for both of them.

We used to see police stopping cars most weekends in north Wales. They'd park near the night clubs and stop people who were leaving back in the seventies. They'd even have purges on public houses in the countryside.

Guess it may have varied from force to force though.

1. Houses are smaller
2. Food & booze are expensive & people have fancier tastes, gone are the days of inexpensive plonk & a box of cheap beer. It costs a lot to host a party properly & people are skint.
3. Women probably did a lot of the preparation & clear up for parties & now more women work & simply don't have time.
4. People are busier and flakey, getting a decent volume of people to actually show up could be hard

We have parties! New Years Eve, garden parties, dinner parties, any excuse or reason and we throw a party 🤩 outdoors we invite around 35 people, indoors due to less space 20 tops. We love it 🥰

I’d worry that people wouldn’t turn up and that feeling of humiliation. I have a couple of friends who are super flakey about meeting up and will cancel at the last minute. I worry this anxiety will rub off on my eldest who also has flakey friends. Maybe it’s just us, I don’t know. I have so many memories growing up of my parents having elaborate dinner parties every month inviting lots of friends over and having lots of laughs. Just so different to my life really.

People live too far away from each other now, and houses are too small to put people up overnight.

I remember by Dad’s 30th! He had is birthday in the same week as a friend. We lived in a small village community and him and his friend hired out the cricket pavilion. We had a hog roast and I think the entire village came.

Not so long ago he had his 60th and that was a huge party with loads of friends and family.

I’ve never done anything like it but then I’ve not had that many friends.

I'm 40 next month, I'm having a party & then my friend is having one 2 weeks later. Went to quite a few 40ths last year too.

It was illegal for me to have a 40th birthday party. I went for a walk.

DH's last big birthday was after the lockdowns, but things were still shaky and very precarious at the point we would have needed to plan.

We used to have parties until we had DCs which made it harder. I was already wearing thin of offering one-way hospitality to some friends that never requited over the years.

Maybe it will be logistically easier by the time we get to 50th birthdays when the DCs are adults...

I've just had a party for my birthday and our wedding anniversary (both big numbers) and we had a fantastic time. We had a ceilidh and invited a good number. We got replies from most and most people who said they were coming turned up! Quite a lot left earlier than the end but it was a fabulous night and the die-hards who stayed to the end had more space to dance!!

As it was in our church hall, we just let people know to bring their own drinks and provided some soft drinks and a glass of fizz for a couple of toasts. My adult kids did all the organising and enjoyed it too. I would definitely do it again! A friend did the catering and quite a lot of people mucked in with the washing up.

I think it's nice to get together and I love seeing people in real life. But then I love going to weddings, which a lot of people on here seem to dislike.

No, not just you.

Thank God! I am about to have a "milestone" birthday and I would rather chop off my own leg than throw a party. It's bad enough having the embarrassment of a birthday anyway - who wants a fuss for no apparent reason other than living another 365 days? - but the narcissism involved in thinking people would want to celebrate All About Me is off the scale!
If people like me, I am sure they can manage to send a message, unprompted - why does anyone need more than that?

People are busy months in advance now. Just planned my sister’s hen and oh my God people were booked up to four months in advance and couldn’t make a Saturday night out in their home city London.

I think it's too much hassle these days. People have become flakier & seem to bale out at the last minute. You even hear of them baling out at weddings. It's costs a lot of wasted money & food for those no shows. This was never heard of back in the day. Even childrens parties seem to be more hassle as parents have to keep chasing other parents for a reply, then they don't show up. It's sad, society as a whole seems to have become insular, lazy, unsociable & flakey. Well, that's the impression I've got from all the threads on mumsnet!

Same. Glad for people who enjoy throwing parties for themselves, but the concept of asking people to pay for babysitters and taxis to come and celebrate me being another year older feels very strange and oddly indulgent! However, I don’t mind throwing the odd Christmas party or BBQ.