To think adults don’t throw parties anymore?

[Lemonadeand]

A lot of our friends are turning 40 this year, or had their fortieth birthday in the last couple of years. Some of them, including very sociable/outgoing people, when I asked if they were going to have a party just laughed and ended up having very small dinner parties if anything.

I remember for my parents’ 40th birthdays back in the ‘90s they threw massive house parties. Similarly many of their friends. And for big anniversaries there were big, more formal parties such as a whole pub rented out etc.

Then on Mumsnet, posters are often very dismissive of adult birthdays. Someone posted about their planned anniversary party and most responses were telling them not to bother, it’s too much expense and hassle, just have a nice holiday instead.

So have parties for adults just gone out of fashion? Is it cost of living/ smaller houses?

YABU: Parties for adult birthdays were never a thing/ they are still a thing.

YANBU: There are fewer big parties for adults than there used to be.

I have a friend who used to organise great new year parties with good food and dancing and games — really memorable and still talked about by many. She doesn't do it now. People are getting older and don't want to leave the comfort of their own homes in the cold and dark. If it rains, people drop out. Half the population seems to have allergies and intolerances meaning that catering for a crowd is more complicated. Worst of all, a lot of people can't keep their eyes off their phones and just aren't present any more. I have a photo of her last party, where there was some great dancing. In the background, slumped on sofas, are half a dozen people gazing at their phones. Tech kills social events.

YANBU, though we still throw house parties, but it is very crowded, I wish we had more space... But we don't... Real friends will just crowd in and get on with it.

It's rubbish tho, I wish other people would reciprocate! "Oh it's so nice to see everyone together" yeah it is, why don't you host one too 😂😂😂

Love a party

I love parties and give them all the time (early forties). All my friends think I'm bonkers for entertaining so much, but they all come and they all have a brilliant time. They all bring a bottle and quite often some sort of food, so actually it is so much less hassle and cost than you think. Once you're in the habit of it, it's easy. You don't have to go wild and silly about it - chuck crisps and hummus at people if that's all you feel like doing (just make sure there is some sort of food!). I've noticed that people have started having more parties around me. Once they realise the bar can be cheerfully low, they are less worried about it. My mother always said, "you never regret a party" and it's 100% true.

I do think people have less fun now than my parents did when I was a kid

Totally disagree but I think we just socialise differently.

My parents rarely went out to socialise but had friends round regularly and also went to friends houses. They very very rarely went to a bar and restaurants were special occasions only.

Whereas we tend to go out far far more. I go out socially every couple of weekends but it’s to a bar, a music event, a festival etc with friends. We rarely if ever go to each others homes to socialise as a group.

Yes we do. But all the parties I've been to recently have been birthday parties, not anniversary parties.

I love a good party. We always have a summer one and then a pre-Christmas one at end of November before everyone gets tied up with their festive plans.

Yes! We used to be big party throwers but everyone is all over the place now and we’ve moved around so although we have loads of friends, many aren’t local.

I have to say that it does feel easier to meet a group down the pub where people fund themselves and if they drop out, it’s fine.

I don’t think people do dinner parties any more either. Easier to meet in a restaurant. And then you get a chance to actually chat.

We have a big party in the garden every summer (it coincides with a birthday). Everyone loves it, we have a large garden but it costs a fortune and is a lot of hard work before and after. Partner loves it as do I, but we very rarely get invited back to anything, even a small gathering. (My sister is the only one who does something similar to us). I turn 60 next year and although I like the thought of a party I’m also thinking with the cost and work involved should we just bugger off on holiday, which is what most people do!

We have people round for dinner but never more than two or three at a time. We also make sure to serve something that can be prepared in advance and served without any last minute faffing about so we do have time to chat.

I had quite a big party in a bar for my 40th. Had a smaller party at home this weekend for my 50th. I am not giving up celebrating milestone birthdays, no way!

Or depending on your age and how you were brought up, it was seen as acceptable to be steaming drunk and leave children to their own devices and also to drink and drive so you’d not have a taxi issue.

I’ve only been to about 10 house parties since covid…..just not really a thing anymore 🤷‍♀️

I love throwing parties at our house, im not a fan of a venue party. I'd say a big factor influencing people is the cost. We did a BBQ and drinks for 30 people, we do the same most years as our family all have summer birthdays. Usually i don't look too closely at the cost but this year i sat down and worked out how much we had spent on food and drinks it was upwards of £500. Next year it will be a much smaller affair!!

People are so flaky and unreliable nowadays. I wouldn't want to risk organising one and then for the people who have said they were coming to not bother.

That said I do love a good party.

Last one I went to, everyone took a dish…,and their own alcohol ….my friends and family couldn’t afford 500 quid on a party

@GiRaFfeNeSs do more people work full time now though? When I think of my neighbours growing up in the 80s and 90s, the woman opposite had never worked, even after her kids were grown up. Another neighbour across the road worked as a dinner lady a couple of hours a day. My mum worked full time but only after my younger sister started school.

I've been invited to two 40th parties recently (one in bar one in a home) and I'm so exited for this phase to start again! I loved the 21st and 30th eras!

I had a big party for my 40th and having one for 50. We have a big house though!

We held a big Christmas party last year - took a huge amount of effort and expense. Won’t be doing the same this year as our hoped for impact - invitations to other social events and gatherings - haven’t been forthcoming.

We occasionally have dinner parties but I’m getting bored now of constantly hosting and never being invited back! Its also expensive.

Many people are living in smaller homes than their parents did in the 80s/90s/00s despite similar circumstances - because homes are less affordable.

They are more likely to be busy with young children at age 40 whereas their parents had children in their 20s - because children are less affordable.

They are saving their money and their time. Parents in the 80s/90s/00s were more likely to have a mother working part time or not at all. Even though those differences aren't true for all households - fewer people hosting parties in general, reduces the willingness of the few to continue to host less-reciprocated parties.

People are working more to have less so extravagant parties are going to be rarer.

Then there are social/ cultural reasons. People I think are more focused on their children now, more likely to throw an ostentatious children's party than an adult party. And if they want to show off, they don't have to invite people round - they can use social media. Friends may be further away and keep in touch via social media. People are more likely to go out for drinks or a meal as the whole homemaker / chef / hostess with the mostest isn't as fashionable or high status as in the past, and it's a lot of work.

Yes I know what you mean. I am the person to invite others to dinner parties, never asked back! We had a barbecue in the summer which was a lovely get together but nobody will reciprocate, but I enjoy hosting and I cook an amazing lemon cheesecake 😊

People are so flaky and I think having a big party or an event with multiple friend groups adds to the problem.

If it's a single, small group, there might be a few flakes but you'll usually find most people come. I assume because they know the event can't go ahead if they don't.

But if people know there will be a few different groups, they seem to think "I'm not the main friend group here, I can skip it if I can't be bothered". So you get the majority of people dropping out.

Don't think they're as popular as they used to be, or maybe not as raucous so they don't stand out in the brain so much as a 'party'? Just thinking we have a get together at the end of November every year...pretty sure it would have been labelled a party in previous decades but because the music is low, it's more about chat and good food and that sort of thing we call it a 'celebration' or a 'get together' rather than a party.

I know one couple planning a party (renting a place, dj, bar etc) for their 40th, but the majority are either doing something like 'book a big house and have a weekend of walking and playing games, a small dinner, a holiday or just letting it slide by like any other year.

I drove a three-hour 150-mile round trip recently to celebrate a friend's milestone birthday in the bar of a smart city hotel. I stood around trying to make smalltalk with a couple of his colleagues who didn't seem to know him very well and then got trapped in a corner for a long time by his sister, who is a loud woman with strong racist opinions. I managed to escape her, only to be stuck on a banquette with a silent shy couple who just held hands and kept checking their phones. On the other side was a woman who turned her back to me and talked the person on her other side, very loudly. 18 of us had been invited and the agreement was that we'd all pay a share of the birthday boy's drinks. He was on champagne and expensive scotch all night and got very drunk very quickly because there was no food. I was driving and was on soft drinks. Half the guests melted away before I could escape the banquette, leaving those of us left to settle our host's bill. My three soft drinks and a 9th share of his bill came to £67. What with the petrol and parking costs, a card and gift, it was probably the worst £100 I've ever spent.

I think I've been to three in the last two years, and invited to two others I couldn't make. Three 60th, two 50th.
My sister had a 60th four years ago. And I also went abroad this year for a mate's 65th party.

My ex had a 40th years ago. Both my niece and nephew had 30ths.

I'll probably host something for my 60th. I didn't do anything for my 50th but I host an annual Christmas drinks each year, though one year it was in Sept with a different theme.

So, among my friends and family, parties are still pretty common.