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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask millionaire partner to agree to this term in ‘prenup’

257 replies

junohername · 01/10/2024 15:01

Plan is we will be cohabiting and planning this move in the next 12 months after my dd finishes secondary school.
I won’t uproot myself or my (older) DH without some kind of security I want no claim on any of his assets -I’m a broke single mum with a small home in my own name (which I plan to rent out) I’ve had years of making ends meet and that’s fine by me.
I will pay all expenses towards my dc food/car etc and dp will pay mortgage and bills -
in case the relationship should break down I want written into an agreement that I have 6 months to relocate - I may have to sell my house if we settle in the new place (Dd will be at college etc) and an assurance we will not be kicked out
He thinks this is too long and wants me to revise the terms
Long term he would like for me to work for his company - I want to remain independent and work outside of the business again to cover myself in case our relationship goes south
I love him- he’s a good man- 3 years in no red flags but my divorce was hideous and I think ironing out everything before is sensible moving forwards
I don’t want to worry my family by asking them (they’d be my go to usually)
any advice would be great received
We would be moving to a beautiful area for a fresh start (lots of trauma here) and it will be a beautiful big home so in that respect it will be better than where we are.
I do NOT want to ever marry again so I’m guessing rather than prenuptial this would be a pre cohabitation agreement drawn up legally

OP posts:
SummerInSun · 01/10/2024 15:04

I think if you had broken up, staying in the same house with him for six months would be pretty unbearable for everyone involved, including your DC. I'd drop it to three months.

Overwhelmedandunsure · 01/10/2024 15:06

6 months isn’t all that long if you need to remove tenants from your home, should you proceed with your plan to rent it out.
I can see that it might seem like an eternity if you’re not getting on though.
Could a compromise be that he pays 6 months rent for a suitable property for you and DC?

TillyKister · 01/10/2024 15:08

I guess it would depend on the reason the relationship breaks down. If he turns out to be a wolf in sheep's clothing, and vile to live with, would you want to remain under the same roof as him for 6 months? That's awful long time if you're unhappy.

You say you don't want to uproot your DH? Is he moving with you to live with this millionaire?

Are you sure he's a millionaire?

DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 01/10/2024 15:12

Agree it’s in nobody’s interests that you stay in his home for 6 months if you split. Is there a way to put a sum of money away in your name to use if you need to leave?

Original poster
junohername · 01/10/2024 15:13

Uproot DC sorry autocorrect

yes I am sure - I am privy to accounts and have helped him with business transactions he’s very open and honest in that respect

I hear what you are saying - I do not want to find myself in a position where we can be kicked out and given a week

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 01/10/2024 15:14

Have a relationship without living together, move so you are closer to him but don't live with him.

Original poster
junohername · 01/10/2024 15:14

DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 01/10/2024 15:12

Agree it’s in nobody’s interests that you stay in his home for 6 months if you split. Is there a way to put a sum of money away in your name to use if you need to leave?

This is something I had not thought of

Relocation fund?

OP posts:
Original poster
junohername · 01/10/2024 15:15

Bananalanacake · 01/10/2024 15:14

Have a relationship without living together, move so you are closer to him but don't live with him.

I cannot afford to move into the area

Not even a 2 bed flat.

OP posts:
Reugny · 01/10/2024 15:16

junohername · 01/10/2024 15:14

This is something I had not thought of

Relocation fund?

Show quote history

It would only be fair while you have a dependent, so a child under 19 in full time education, or are retirement age.

If you are single woman of working age then you can sofa surf.

While it isn't nice it means you aren't taking the piss.

DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 01/10/2024 15:16

junohername · 01/10/2024 15:13

Uproot DC sorry autocorrect

yes I am sure - I am privy to accounts and have helped him with business transactions he’s very open and honest in that respect

I hear what you are saying - I do not want to find myself in a position where we can be kicked out and given a week

If it’s his house in his name, that’s just the reality I’m afraid. Think about it the other way round - would you want him to stay for 6 months after you’ve asked him to leave.

If he is much wealthier than you, and you are the one uprooting, I’d ask him if he would consider gifting you say 10k to keep in the event of relationship breaking down, or agree that you don’t pay any contribution to household expenses until you’ve been able to save it yourself.

RaspberryBeretxx · 01/10/2024 15:16

I think it could be tough to cohabit if you're split up for 6 months but I do get your point that you need some housing security while you're moving with DC (even older ones). Would it be doable to sell your house and buy to let in your new area so you wouldn't have to deal with selling/buying again if you split? Although it would still take a while to move the tenants out if you were in that situation. Maybe save like mad (maybe he initially pays more bills etc) when you first move in to have a pot of escape money that would cover a years rent say?

Original poster
junohername · 01/10/2024 15:16

Overwhelmedandunsure · 01/10/2024 15:06

6 months isn’t all that long if you need to remove tenants from your home, should you proceed with your plan to rent it out.
I can see that it might seem like an eternity if you’re not getting on though.
Could a compromise be that he pays 6 months rent for a suitable property for you and DC?

I like this suggestion also
Thank you and I agree with PP it can be hard to get tenants out!

OP posts:
Ethylred · 01/10/2024 15:18

Consult a lawyer.

Original poster
junohername · 01/10/2024 15:18

DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 01/10/2024 15:16

If it’s his house in his name, that’s just the reality I’m afraid. Think about it the other way round - would you want him to stay for 6 months after you’ve asked him to leave.

If he is much wealthier than you, and you are the one uprooting, I’d ask him if he would consider gifting you say 10k to keep in the event of relationship breaking down, or agree that you don’t pay any contribution to household expenses until you’ve been able to save it yourself.

Show quote history

Thank you for the input

these are really useful ideas moving forwards

OP posts:
Original poster
junohername · 01/10/2024 15:20

Reugny · 01/10/2024 15:16

It would only be fair while you have a dependent, so a child under 19 in full time education, or are retirement age.

If you are single woman of working age then you can sofa surf.

While it isn't nice it means you aren't taking the piss.

Show quote history

Yes I have dependents and all of the admin and extra stuff that involves

I could up sticks and have all of my stuff in storage in a week no problem/new job in a month

OP posts:
Notonthestairs · 01/10/2024 15:21

Do you have an independent solicitor advising you?

Absolutely critical to ensure it is reasonable/enforceable.

Original poster
junohername · 01/10/2024 15:22

Ethylred · 01/10/2024 15:18

Consult a lawyer.

We will to draw up agreement

OP posts:
80smonster · 01/10/2024 15:22

Yep agree with other poster. Maybe offer to revise the terms so that you would leave before 6 months, but he would meet your and the children’s accommodation costs? That way you can give your tenants notice and also wouldn’t have to see you out your notice in the house, if things turn sour this may benefit you and the children.

Ozanj · 01/10/2024 15:22

junohername · 01/10/2024 15:01

Plan is we will be cohabiting and planning this move in the next 12 months after my dd finishes secondary school.
I won’t uproot myself or my (older) DH without some kind of security I want no claim on any of his assets -I’m a broke single mum with a small home in my own name (which I plan to rent out) I’ve had years of making ends meet and that’s fine by me.
I will pay all expenses towards my dc food/car etc and dp will pay mortgage and bills -
in case the relationship should break down I want written into an agreement that I have 6 months to relocate - I may have to sell my house if we settle in the new place (Dd will be at college etc) and an assurance we will not be kicked out
He thinks this is too long and wants me to revise the terms
Long term he would like for me to work for his company - I want to remain independent and work outside of the business again to cover myself in case our relationship goes south
I love him- he’s a good man- 3 years in no red flags but my divorce was hideous and I think ironing out everything before is sensible moving forwards
I don’t want to worry my family by asking them (they’d be my go to usually)
any advice would be great received
We would be moving to a beautiful area for a fresh start (lots of trauma here) and it will be a beautiful big home so in that respect it will be better than where we are.
I do NOT want to ever marry again so I’m guessing rather than prenuptial this would be a pre cohabitation agreement drawn up legally

  1. don’t sell your house. Rent it out. Save that income.
  2. Remove the 6 mth clause and replace it with 2. The rental income you save + other savings can help you find an airbnb / storage while you find a new place.
  3. Ensure you have a proper work contract at his company that details your salary and benefits.
Janedoe82 · 01/10/2024 15:23

If you are in the UK pre nups aren't legally binding so I wouldn't worry.

Winederlust · 01/10/2024 15:23

Are you sure that any agreement of this nature, if you're not married, would be enforceable?

I'd consult a lawyer.

fruitbrewhaha · 01/10/2024 15:32

An agreement of this kind would not be enforceable, you can’t insist on living with him if you’ve split. Plus any agreement is only as good as your appetite to fight it in court. So the best thing would be to save a pot of cash yourself to have as an escape fund. Then you can independently leave him.

MounjaroUser · 01/10/2024 15:33

I wouldn't both work for his business and live in his house. If the relationship ends badly you're going to be homeless and either jobless or very unhappy at work.

If it didn't work out, would you move back to your old place or would you want to move elsewhere?

I think your best bet is to save some money (at least when you're living with him) so that you have enough money for a deposit and a couple of months' rent on somewhere new.

Are you finding this stressful? It sounds it, tbh. You're giving up an awful lot but he's just staying in his own place and wants you to leave it asap if the relationship breaks down. His life wouldn't change at all.

ATastingMenuButItsAllCrisps · 01/10/2024 15:36

@Ozanj OP wrote that she is going to rent her house, and she doesn't want to work for the boyfriends company.
@BananaSplitSandwich they aren't getting married
😵‍💫

BananaSplitSandwich · 01/10/2024 15:36

Want my advice…Don’t marry him. People getting married shouldn’t be talking about what happens if they split up, hardly makes you sound committed to the relationship 🙄

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