To ask millionaire partner to agree to this term in ‘prenup’

[junohername]

Plan is we will be cohabiting and planning this move in the next 12 months after my dd finishes secondary school.
I won’t uproot myself or my (older) DH without some kind of security I want no claim on any of his assets -I’m a broke single mum with a small home in my own name (which I plan to rent out) I’ve had years of making ends meet and that’s fine by me.
I will pay all expenses towards my dc food/car etc and dp will pay mortgage and bills -
in case the relationship should break down I want written into an agreement that I have 6 months to relocate - I may have to sell my house if we settle in the new place (Dd will be at college etc) and an assurance we will not be kicked out
He thinks this is too long and wants me to revise the terms
Long term he would like for me to work for his company - I want to remain independent and work outside of the business again to cover myself in case our relationship goes south
I love him- he’s a good man- 3 years in no red flags but my divorce was hideous and I think ironing out everything before is sensible moving forwards
I don’t want to worry my family by asking them (they’d be my go to usually)
any advice would be great received
We would be moving to a beautiful area for a fresh start (lots of trauma here) and it will be a beautiful big home so in that respect it will be better than where we are.
I do NOT want to ever marry again so I’m guessing rather than prenuptial this would be a pre cohabitation agreement drawn up legally

Thanks for this.

If you carry on crazy with him then all he has to do is call the police and have you removed. Whatever you are putting together is not worth the paper it's written on. Go and get see someone about your past trauma. Keep your house in case anything happens.

I don't know what the right answer is but I just wanted to say I think you're being very sensible to plan for the worst while hoping for the best. When relationships break down traumatically, no one can really know how a stbx will behave.

Six months is too long.
3 months and a relocation fund.

Depending on the nature of the breakup, even a day can be an eternity.

how about a fund set aside that you can access in the event he asks you to move out. It should be enough money to cover storage of your personal belongings, short-term housing for 3 months in the area (corporate housing, Airbnb, whatever tends to be actually available quickly near you), and a deposit and moving expenses for a new place.

if you never break up, the money just sits there earning interest and does no harm. If you do break up, it eases your quick exit.

Carry on crazy?

I dont plan on selling my house
I do see a counsellor thank you

I think you are being perfectly reasonable in trying to protect both yourself and your child from future fall out.
Assuming the rental income after tax [and bearing in mind a new budget and CGT in the offing] is sufficient to save adequately for a future buffer then I would do that.
Alternatively, funds permitting [as he's not an oligarch] joint savings to be put aside in your name until you reach a comfortable sum that you can then invest solely in your name for the longer term.

Might be worth considering if you should sell your home and invest the proceeds for a faster return. But getting off the housing ladder is pretty scary. Depends how long you have owned it, if relatively short term the CGT on any equity gains is pretty punitive the longer you rent it out for. But if you have an older child and wanted to move it to Joint tenants in common when you re mortgage that might also be a way of protecting the asset.

Re the job. It's always tempting [for him] to work together. He's the boss and can therefore grant you extra days off and flexibility to suit his own schedule but leaves you very vulnerable in the event of a break up and in a really tricky position with co-workers so I wouldn't and it sounds as though you've already decided on that. It also reduces everything you talk about as life will become centred around his business even more that it would naturally. Longer term you can always revisit and put things in like guaranteed severance and notice periods for example. It also makes you both vulnerable if his business goes bust but he may not have even considered this ;)

Interesting, at the end of the day, you just want money from him. That will make you happy.

You have a job, assets, kids. But he somehow has to pay you something if the relationship breaks down despite the fact that moving in together as a family is a mutually desired outcome. It that because he is richer and a man. You seem to treat your ex-dh as a similar gravy train and lamented you did not plan your exit.

You make it sound as if the guy made you an indecent proposal. Do men owe women something? Is everything so transactional with you?

Fundamentally this is how I see it, but you have dressed it up as protecting yourself and dcs. Agree to move in or not agree to move in. That is what any independent self-supporting woman does. They don't ask to be paid.

There's a weird vibe to this thread. He's not your Daddy.
Create your own relocation fund from your rental income/house sale and don't look to be rescued.

If he were not so well off, had the same money as you, would you still move in with him with all the disruption this will cause, knowing that you'd be having to find somewhere to live at your own expense should it not work out?

Sorry I didn't mean for it to come across in that way. If you're not married to him then you can't claim anything. Even if you had a child out of wedlock all he has to legally give you is CM.

The thing is OP that it’s one thing to have an agreement asking to stay put in his house or having him pay your rental costs, it’s quite another to enforce it. If you split up, it would be on you to prove enforceability if he chooses not to go along with it. You’d have to pay the legal costs of going to Court etc and show that the agreement is reasonable and enforceable, whatever is decided between you two, and that will take a lot of time and expense that you don’t seem to have. Your lawyer will advise you of this - the risk of unenforceability will be on you if this is the route you choose to go down.

My ex a gravy train? You know nothing about my previous marriage. one which I walked away from with nothing (DV situation)

I have supported myself and my kids alone ever since I left .

thanks for your input.

Good point.

I would either marry or leave the chap alone, millions or not

Single broke mum asks for advice re money and a millionaire. Sure. A match in heaven. What could possibly go wrong?

Don't get married. That's my advice. You're clearly after his money (even though you say you're not) and quite rightly he would clearly want to keep it. Such an imbalance of power from the start. If he was actually into you, you'd have been having the perks of his money for the last 3 years.

Who talks about divorce before you've even got married! Marriage is a partnership you share things. That's how it should be anyway. The fact you're 3 years in and you haven't been sharing says this is not going to work in a million years.

Lots of trauma, hideious divorce. Christ. Just stay single until you find a man who you can actually partner with entirely.

Life's too short to be with someone who does not want you, the whole you, warts and all.

Just stay single until you find a man who you can actually partner with entirely.

best advice. Just because he's got millions. So what? Are you not capable of buying a loaf of bread and few others supplies but having the guts to meet the man who has real heart for you

I do think you need to do something to protect yourself OP. You are taking get all the risks here by relocating and moving in with him. You also need to consider what might happen if your partner died (I’m really sorry to bring this up). Who is his next of kin? They could kick you out and you might not be able to move back into your place immediately if you’re renting it out.

The 6ths of rent for suitable accomodation that PP suggested is a good idea. I absolutely wouldn’t work for his company unless it was a very large company where you would be fully protected by HR.

@junohername Agree, "carry on crazy” what on earth does that mean!! What a strange thing to say, to someone, who’s just thinking about the future, not taking anything for granted.

This is all very tricky.

There are legal ways of dividing assets in a divorce.
There are legal ways of ring fencing assets in a Tenants in Common agreement.

There aren't many ways to protect yourself if you move into a house owned by another person when you aren't a tenant paying rent.

My advice is you look at other ways of covering yourself.

For a start, you should be able to ask enough rent to cover your mortgage and be in pocket (so you can save.)

You ought to be able to save out of your income (from work.)

BUT- rethink your idea of renting out your home.
One thing to consider is that the Labour government is going to make it far far harder to get tenants out with the end to no fault evictions. They could be there for up to 2 years if it went to court.

You will also be liable for capital gains tax on the house when you sell as it's been run as a business.

Unless your property is going to increase greatly in value, I'd suggest that- take financial advice- you consider selling your house and putting the equity into the house he's buying- in BOTH names.
That will increase in value more than yours and so will your equity.

He can buy you ought if he wants to stay there.

You can then be tenants in common and your money will be ringfenced.

I'd also query the 50-50 split on bills.
If he's the high earner, why are you paying the same amount?
I think it should be proportionate to your earnings otherwise you're always at a disadvantage of him earning and saving more than you.

Thanks everyone

It’s hard because obviously you’re all going on such limited information. I get I may have come across as a grabby person but I’m not. I’m all about both of us feeling secure and knowing that should the worse happen both of us can move on amicably and happily - this was not my experience previously following a very traumatic and abusive marriage with a controlling exh.

I won’t want any claim to DPs business, houses etc I’d just need reassurances we couldn’t be kicked out with no time to make arrangements

DP loves us to bits and is very keen to start the next chapter. I just need to have everything in place so I can relax

I really value your opinions. It’s given me a lot to think about.

I am sorry for your trauma. I think this is skewing your perspective to a degree that is unfair to your partner and does not speak well of yourself. It is up to you whether you wish to confront the implications of what you are projecting onto him.

Your dcs are almost grown. What protection do you need? You are over-egging the pudding to try and scramble a rationale for asking for monetary compensation if the relationship breaks down. If you are so afraid of that scenario, just don't move in. An adult person would weigh it up and decide.

This seems like a good compromise.

Given that you will have the benefit of living in his house rent and bills free (you say you will pay only bills for your DC) and you will be renting your home out, which presumably will cover your mortgage on it, it seems reasonable that YOU save up the emergency 6/12 months housing fund for it the relationship breaks down and you move out. Why should he when you'll already be massively financially benefiting?