To ask millionaire partner to agree to this term in ‘prenup’

[junohername]

Plan is we will be cohabiting and planning this move in the next 12 months after my dd finishes secondary school.
I won’t uproot myself or my (older) DH without some kind of security I want no claim on any of his assets -I’m a broke single mum with a small home in my own name (which I plan to rent out) I’ve had years of making ends meet and that’s fine by me.
I will pay all expenses towards my dc food/car etc and dp will pay mortgage and bills -
in case the relationship should break down I want written into an agreement that I have 6 months to relocate - I may have to sell my house if we settle in the new place (Dd will be at college etc) and an assurance we will not be kicked out
He thinks this is too long and wants me to revise the terms
Long term he would like for me to work for his company - I want to remain independent and work outside of the business again to cover myself in case our relationship goes south
I love him- he’s a good man- 3 years in no red flags but my divorce was hideous and I think ironing out everything before is sensible moving forwards
I don’t want to worry my family by asking them (they’d be my go to usually)
any advice would be great received
We would be moving to a beautiful area for a fresh start (lots of trauma here) and it will be a beautiful big home so in that respect it will be better than where we are.
I do NOT want to ever marry again so I’m guessing rather than prenuptial this would be a pre cohabitation agreement drawn up legally

It is confusing because OP, you are asking him to sign a cohabitation agreement. A cohabitation agreement implies you have some asset to protect. But cohabitation gives neither party rights to each other's assets unlike marriage. Many people still don't realise that.

That is why it makes no sense why you want him to sign a cohabitation agreement. You seem to be getting all the benefit (yes, you will move but so will he since your last post said he has to relocate).

If I were him, I would say great! Lawyer, please include a clause in the cohabitation to confirm that she has no rights to my assets and I have no rights to hers. Set that all down in black and white. I think this cohabitation agreement will come back to bite you in the arse.

You can protect any deposit you put into a house, ditto percentage of ownership. You could own 10%, this stops you creating a home, someone else benefitting and you having to fight for the roof over your head.
I personally wouldn't like to live in someone else's house. Rent free or no! I would feel like I was on borrowed time. It's also odd he's having a mortgage, most millionaires don't. Coutts sometimes give cheap rates to HNWI and they borrow to fund businesses.

I wouldn't sell your own home under any circumstances if you are not re marrying.
Personally I don't like rich people with controlling behaviour. He doesn't own you and I would want my name on those deeds (not a will because that can be changed without your knowledge).
Fwiw I'm a millionaire, my will leaves everything to my DH and DC. However I'm married. You and your DC are lodgers in these circumstances you are proposing. Not good for security.

it feels like such a huge power imbalance in the relationship and he is nitpicking already. Not sure I could live with it. Could you sell your house and jointly invest in the new house so ring fence your deposit and agree on the percentage of any appreciation in value you get if you leave. If he is well off the. He shouldn’t have an issue buying you out. That just feels more like a joint thing rather then yeah move in but if I’m done with you you can sling your hook!

OP said she is not going to work for his company already. Sensible.

I think very differently then and that’s fine

I ABSOLUTELY want an escape plan and want to have measures in place in case things don’t work out

I only wish I had planned better when my 16 year marriage hit the skids

I do NOT plan on marrying him or anyone else or being employed by his company

I wanted this drawn up legally or at least to be aware of other things that could be tricky hence my posting. I don’t plan on doing anything concrete without see an independent solicitor myself

My DP is a property developer that’s how I met him (through work) and he’s worked on 3 projects since we’ve been together (the last one he had wanted to ear mark for us to live in but it wasn’t the right time)

It's also odd he's having a mortgage, most millionaires don't. Coutts sometimes give cheap rates to HNWI and they borrow to fund businesses.

The millions could be tied up in his business, rather than free cash to buy property. Some people use leverage to take out a loan anyway if they have better uses for that money, like his business.

I don't know how many million we are talking about but 1-2 million is not a big deal. Doubt Coutts will work up much of a sweat there. There are many property millionaires due to the price of property going up in the last few decades.

Without looking 😀
I didn’t know for a year!

Sell your house......bank the money and keep adding to it paying what you would if you were paying a mortgage. That way if things go tits up you can just buy somewhere without the hassle of dealing with tenants.

In the "old days", You made plans to be together to share and devote your life to each other. Definite red flag for me, planning for a split before the party has even started.

And how far do you actually take it. Custody of the children? Who gets the family dog/cat ?

A few questions:
will you easily find work when you relocate?
is your current home mortgaged? If so - would the rent easily cover it?

I don’t think this is unreasonable. Or he could just give you cash in a savings account up front, over the years when you have saved up a large savings, use that cash for a vacation or or just transfer it back to him. I agree with you keeping your own career separate. I have seen women work for a man and his business for many years and then those years are wasted because she didn’t build her own.I have seen women in divorces where the spouse said the wife never had a job, but she worked for her husbands company! They built it together. I take care of you and you work for me? No he owns you then. He doesn’t sound like that type of guy but don’t make it a possibility where he could be or he might feel that way. Protect him and you.

I ABSOLUTELY want an escape plan and want to have measures in place in case things don’t work out.

You can ask. But you might not get. Then you just have to decide whether you want to take the 'risk' of moving in with him considering your relationship and your measure of him as a person.

I only wish I had planned better when my 16 year marriage hit the skids

How could you plan better? A pre-nup or post-nup is not guaranteed to be legally enforceable. Marriage has its own rules on division of assets. You don't need to plan much. Marriage generally protects the weaker party.

I’d be paying the mortgage my small house that’s being rented there won’t be much afterwards as my mortgage rate has gone up and I’ll have to pay tax on the ‘income’ but I appreciate your comment
thanks

With this in mind, maybe it would be better for op to own a tiny proportion of the property. 1%. Then you can't be thrown out. But he can buy you out if necessary.

If you move in together, and your children go to university it will impact the student finance they are entitled to.

Worth knowing about if you are not a high earner yourself but don’t plan to pool income otherwise. Student finance is calculated by household income. Many students end up on low loans with step parents unwilling to make up the shortfall.

They don't have joint children so that issue is solved.

The dog/cat/other animal ownership can cause long and bitter arguments even after the animal is long dead. Saying that if they get a parrot or a tortoise then it could outlive them both.

A prenup/co-habitation agreement is not planning for the failure of a relationship any more than a life plan (drawing up a will or planning what happens when you die) is planning to commit suicide. It's sensible and even responsible in several situations rather than going in heart first and eyes closed.

OP is making a sensible choice to plan but I'd not sell your house if I were you. I'm thinking about you not removing that safety from your child. It would be best to go back there if you break up.

I thought 6 months was okay but if not, three months should be fine or he could pay for an accommodation till you find a place/are able to move back to your house.

6m would be a long time to be stuck living together. Why not reduce it to a lesser period of time and/or provide for him to pay your rent up to [whatever is a reasonable amount for whatever type of property you'd need in the area] for the 6 months?

If he is very wealthy then maybe ask him, in the event of you breaking up, to find and pay for some accommodation for a year to enable you to move out easily.

There are good men out there and I think you won't need this, and if he's a good one and understands your past trauma he'll agree because he knows it won't be happening. It's just for your peace of mind.

Incorrect. Pre nups have been legally binding in England for years, assuming that each party had independent advice before signing and the agreement has regard to the needs of any children born to the relationship.

However, this lady is not planning to marry and so this will be a co-habitation agreement.

I didn’t say he was a multimillionaire
He’s solvent
not an oligarch

Hes desperate for us to be together and be a family -me less so without security

We’ve been together long enough for him to know Im not with him for his money and I am not grabby
ive paid 50/50 for everything since ive met him even when times were incredibly tough-he had no idea what I kept from him.

If me wanting to get legal advice and know that we have some protection in the event our relationship goes skew makes me grabby then ok

I haven't rtft, and can see you have had suggestions, but in case this hasn't yet been suggested, I'll share what we have done. My partner has sent me a sum of money, which I have ring fenced, for this eventuality. In the event we live happily ever after, it goes into our pension, and in the event of a split, I wouldn't be left homeless. He is happy with that, as we have moved in together in good faith, and with him as a significantly higher earner.

I ABSOLUTELY want an escape plan and want to have measures in place in case things don’t work out

The problem here is that you want this man to also be your escape plan and that doesn’t make sense.

You need to aim be independently able to leave without any input from him.

Could your name also be in the deed or so and you contribute something to the cost of buying/deposit (if you sell your home), that way you're co-owners and he can 'buy you out' if things go bad?

Being a co-owner even at a significantly lower percentage will give you more stability.

He has offered many times and offered to take me and my dc on holiday - I’ve declined. I pay for my dc and 50/50 when I’m it’s him and when I’m out with anyone.

i want to move in with him because i love him and i want us to be a family together he wants the same. I don’t want to rush, i want to protect myself and my kids should the relationship fail.