To think nosey mums at the school gates shouldn't be asking me about my family planning?

[peppermintteacup]

I'm third trimester pregnant so it's fairly obvious I'm having another child, but a nosey mum at school drop off asked me "is this your last or are you planning more after this?" and it pissed me off no end.

AIBU to think other parents shouldn't be asking me this question? Outside of pick up and drop off, I don't see her, don't speak to her, don't have her number, don't even remember her name. I don't know if she remembers mine. I just think of her as so and so's mum, who my very young child sort of acknowledges but never talks about. Our kids aren't best mates or even old enough to have friends really.

Where do people get off asking these questions?

I said oh I haven't even thought about that! But what I wanted to say was @?$;&: off.

It’s a little forward but I don’t think I’d get too annoyed. She was just making small talk.

I get where you’re coming from and why you’d find it a bit personal, but I personally wouldn’t have an issue with it. I’m diagnosed autistic and sometimes I say things like this without realising it’s not an okay topic of conversation, so it could be similar with her maybe. I’d probably just change the subject if uncomfortable

I would have said" Yes I'm planning on having at least 6 more, just to see her face..

YRNBU, that's is quite a rude question. Not sure I would ask these type of questions of a friend never mind someone I don't really know, as you have no idea what that person has been through or going through.

I could chat the hind leg off a donkey. I always make conversation; Mums, Dads, Grannies & Grandads doing pick up ....

I don't ask people if this pregnancy will be their last or if they're planning more, because that would be fucking weird, and intrusive.

Oh dear buckle in buttercup you definitely have a lot of years of people just making pleasantries with you at the school gates

That's not a pleasantry.

A pleasantry would be "x must be very excited about their new little bro or sis arriving soon" or something along those lines.

YANBU - I find this annoying (we have a nearly two year old and often are asked whether we’ll have another). I just think, mind your own bloody business. Knowing friends who have either struggled to conceive or have had miscarriages, it’s just not something I ask about unless that information is offered.

But for all you know "x" might have issues and be really apprehensive about the arrival, so this might be a sensitive comment too.

My point being that it's hard to make any conversation without potentially hitting a nerve. Most small talk is easily deflected though as nobody really cares about the answer. You're not obliged to speak nothing but the truth and give a full rundown of your fertility history and future family plans.

You and your type are the reason why I hated school pick up. The mums were so rude and full of their own self importance and snubbed you when you try and be friendly by making conversation

I wouldn’t say that is nosy.
Its just an interested question.
You either say “Probably” or “Who knows”.

You're not going to get a straight answer about whether people like it or not, because everyone is different. Some people would enjoy this kind of personal level of chit-chat (so would think nothing if asking a relative stranger this) and some (like you) hate it. Most people are somewhere in between. Just smile and give the briefest or vaguest answer you can.

It’s not friendly or polite. Ask about the weather, whether they have any pets. Family planning can be deeply personally and it’s none of your business.

And you.

Sure we should endure personal questions about our fertility just so YOU have something to talk about because your frame of reference cannot simply stretch beyond thinking of a different topic.

PMSL personal questions about her fertilty…

I think you’re being so dramatic!!

🤣🤣🤣

And how dare someone ask me if I have an XL bully! So don’t ask about pets!

I’ve never laughed so much in ages. You’re hilarious! You don’t even know yourself how funny you are!

It is also quite a lazy boring subject for conversation that treats women as if they're only interested in having kids. Ask about anything. Politics. Fashion. Science.

The amount of times someone asked me if my 3rd child was planned, really annoyed me. It’s just like asking someone if they used contraception. People don’t realise they are being inappropriate

Yes, bravo! I totally agree! People used to ask me that question all the time - often complete strangers at school or the shops. I have five kids and with each pregnancy, it seemed like people got ruder with their questions, as if they had the right to say whatever they wanted.

Honestly, I don’t think these comments come from a good place. As my husband put it, it’s like asking someone who’s overweight and eating a burger, “What, are you going to have another burger?” It’s a personal choice and quite frankly, none of your concern what decisions I make now or in the future.

If you don’t have anything positive to ask, then keep your questions to yourself. Just mind your own business. I truly believe a lot of these comments come from jealousy. Having children is a blessing and for those who feel the need to question how many we have or want to have - maybe focus on raising your own kids so they don’t grow up being rude like you.