DH called me a pathetic b****

[Piouspenny]

Our neighbours sent some cupcakes with my son when he returned from a play date. . Unfortunately, they weren't particularly nice so I threw them away; DS and DH aren't particularly fond of cakes so wouldn't have eaten them.

I mentioned this to DS in passing when he asked where the cupcakes were. A few days later, when over their house, he told the neighbours that I threw them away.

It's caused some friction with the neighbours and they have made it clear DS is no longer welcome at their house, which has left him feeling very upset.

DH has placed the blame squarely on me, calling me a bitch, amongst other things.

I know I shouldn't have said anything but I think swearing and being abusive isn't acceptable.

Yes, good idea. I would hotfoot it over there with some excuse about accidentally contaminating the cupcakes, to smooth things over.

I think what you said was bitchy and to mention it to your DS that you'd thrown the cakes away. Your DH is understandably upset with you as you've now caused a problem for your DS as he is no longer welcome to visit his friends.

I don't think DH sounds especially moronic - I think you both sound pretty unpleasant with you being very critical of others and DH calling you names. I hope your DS does not pick up on this. It all sounds very messed up to me.

oh god I give up.

It’s a cupcake, can’t imagine they were that bad. To throw them out and tell your child was mean and seems like you might have form in this.

But your husband shouldn’t call you a bitch.

Quite a few MN said “Thanks!”

you are also welcome

What a tricky conundrum!!! You absolutely were being a bitch but it’s bad form for your husband to call you one. Maybe just draw a line under it. Oh and for the gazillionth time, how old is you son and why did you tell him that you’d thrown the cupcakes of doom away??? Perhaps we’ll never know…

Well, you both sound nasty. You’re daft as well, the kid was bound to repeat what you told him.

So your son went looking for the cupcakes that he was gifted by a friend, only to be told you'd chucked them. And now he can't go to that friend's house again to top it off. Poor child.

Well that is not unreasonable of your husband and an impossible request on his part and he was doing exactly what he doesn't want you to do but in this context, i.e you hadn't bought them yourself or made them and it was a kind gesture from the neighbour, I'm struggling to understand why you feel anything about the cup cakes other than, "that was nice of them". Weird display of ingratitude in front of your son over nothing at all really!

Yup.

That 'is' unreasonable not 'not unreasonable'.

He shouldn't be name-calling over some cakes he's in the wrong for that but your equally in the wrong for telling your DS that you threw the cakes away that was rude and wrong and you should've known that if it got back to the neighbours they would be upset. YANBU about the name calling but YABU about throwing the cakes away and telling your son about it and acting surprised that the neighbours have got upset about it you knew that would happen if they found out.

This is one of those threads were everyone seems to be on the “wrong”. Your neighbours shouldn’t have given you some shitty cupcakes but I’m sure they did it with the best of intentions, you shouldn’t have thrown them away, just leave them in a box and hopefully someone would have had a go at them, have them figure out for themselves the cupcakes were shit. Your husband is very wrong for calling you a pathetic biatch, just that I’m itself has more red flags than a commie parade (name calling is abuse). Your son should have never told your neighbours you threw them away (unless he’s 12 yo or under, then yeah.. he’s a kid… whateva). Your neighbours are insane for not letting your kid (who is not at fault here) go and visit them.

Everyone seems to hate each other 🤣

What a nasty bunch!

You are in the wrong for throwing the cakes away without letting your son at least try one. Very controlling of you to decide to throw his gift away.

Your husband is a disgusting and abusive man.

Your son is old enough to understand that the neighbours feelings would be hurt if he told them the cakes were thrown away.

The neighbours are spiteful for saying the boy is no longer welcome at theirs.

Sounds like some dreadful sink estate where you all give each other 'evils' when you see each other!

Wow. You should, maybe think of changing your username!

I too don’t understand either why you didn’t just let them try the cupcakes and you told your child you threw them out. Your dh doesn’t sound nice at all, but I can see his concern if your mum is nasty and critical about lots of things and he worries you will be like that. I kind of think you both need counselling.

The neighbours are spiteful for saying the boy is no longer welcome at theirs

Maybe they just don't want to deal with his rude mother. That's their right. The OP ruined it for him, not the neighbours.

Calling you a bitch would be crossing a line for me - has he apologised? Has he called you this before? He seems to apply different standards to himself than to you which sounds misogynistic. You must always be nice but he can be as derogatory as he likes to you to keep you in line? Urgh, sounds gross. How do you feel about being called a bitch? Just because he says it in private doesn't mean your son is not being affected by the dynamic in the house.

I'd love to hear the DH's side of this. Already it's gone from "DH has placed the blame squarely on me, calling me a bitch, amongst other things. " to "I said he was being ridiculous and the argument just escalated from there."

Always two sides to a story, but OP definitely trying to paint herself in the best light and keeping something back.

It was kind of the neighbours to send some cakes and you could at least have let your DS try them, even if you didn't like them. Maybe he would have enjoyed them. Obviously your DH shouldn't call you a bitch, but I can imagine he would be angry on DS's behalf, who is now excluded from a friend's family, especially if you regularly treat family friends and neighbours with so little consideration.

Well none of you sound nice to be honest. You’ve been ungrateful and nasty about the cakes and you’ve modelled that behaviour to your DS. Your DH’s language is unacceptable though it sounds like he might have a point about you being too critical. DS needs to learn not to repeat everything he hears, though it would be helpful to know how old he is. Neighbours may have overreacted however perhaps there’s a back story here and it was the proverbial straw for them. Have you given them any feedback about other aspects of their life OP?

You do sound quite critical. He’s probably embarrassed that the neighbours found out that you binned the cakes.

I want to know more about the cakes. I can't imagine cupcakes so noxious that I would bin them all without letting anyone else try them!

You were ungrateful throwing good food away that had been given to you and the family in kindness.

You were tactless and daft telling your son (and what kind of lesson are you teaching him?)

Your neighbour was OTT and petty taking out their hurt on a young boy.

Your DH is a verbally abusive OTT cunt.

What a bananas soap opera this all sounds.