DH called me a pathetic b****

[Piouspenny]

Our neighbours sent some cupcakes with my son when he returned from a play date. . Unfortunately, they weren't particularly nice so I threw them away; DS and DH aren't particularly fond of cakes so wouldn't have eaten them.

I mentioned this to DS in passing when he asked where the cupcakes were. A few days later, when over their house, he told the neighbours that I threw them away.

It's caused some friction with the neighbours and they have made it clear DS is no longer welcome at their house, which has left him feeling very upset.

DH has placed the blame squarely on me, calling me a bitch, amongst other things.

I know I shouldn't have said anything but I think swearing and being abusive isn't acceptable.

He is generally ok. He gets angry whenever I voice a critical opinion about someone. He thinks, I have learnt this behaviour from my mother and he is concerned the children will pick it up from me.

Surely you just tell the neighbours ds sneezed on them or the cat licked them or dh scoffed them all and you were trying to cover but obviously it’s made them upset in the process which you absolutely didn’t intend.

the dh thing is rather more problematic.

You were wrong to tell your son you threw them away. Your son was put in a position if asked by the neighbours of having to lie or be honest. Not fair on him.

Your husband should not speak to you like that. He sounds vile.

The neighbours are ridiculous to be so offended. I might have judged you but I wouldn't have fell out over it. I wouldn't have sent cupcakes again either.

I would apologise to neighbours and make up an excuse- you dropped them, the dog licked them etc.

I would think about how your dh treats you and if this is something you want long term

wny did your kid ask where they were. Did he want one? I’ve no idea why you told him. Were you enjoying being cruel?

He doesn't argue in front of the kids, I wish he would because he just bottles it up.

Your son has learnt a harsh lesson.
Your husband is a nasty abusive twat.
Your neighbour is petty.
Perhaps your son will learn from this.
I would be rethinking your marriage.
I hope you have family support.

How often do you do things like that? You must’ve realised it would upset the neighbours so why do anything to risk them finding out.

And what about her?

op, did he call you a bitch as you threw rhe cakes out and then told your kid when he wanted one, is that the truth of it?

Your husband is a pathetic moron and so are your neighbours.

What was you supposed to do if dickhead DH wouldn't eat them and you dc wasn't fond of them.

Put them on the mantle piece for eternity.

I would have retrieved them from the bin and shoved them in dh face if he ever spoke to me like that.

From what you’ve said your DH sounds like a prick but I don’t know what sort of behaviour he is referring to when he says he doesn’t want the kids picking up on it.
How old is your DS? Why did you say you chucked them because they weren’t nice? Seriously just lie and say you ate them or that you accidentally dropped them or sneezed on them so had to throw them away.
If you’re one of those “my honest opinion” people who go around insulting others for no reason other than that you feel it’s your truth then I can see what your DH meant. And he’s obviously not happy that your DS felt the need to be brutally honest with the neighbours. But he doesn’t sound nice either.

As for the neighbours, tell them it was a miscommunication and apologise.

Oh be quiet - the neighbours haven’t done anything wrong in this scenario. They’re allowed to be offended.

Yeah everyone knows how great it is for parents to argue in front of their children.

I'd send a text to the neighbours and explain that the cat got at the lovely cupcakes and licked them all so you had to bin them. Typical kids telling half a story and getting you into trouble 🙄

Then I'd tell dh that if he ever spoke to me like that again that's it, you are done.

I'd apologise to the neighbours. And tell your DH to fuck right off.

Apologise to the neighbours. Teach your son to tell white lies. Ask the husband wtf his problem is.

Husband behaved badly.
You've been unkind towards neighbours- send an apology note, and maybe flowers?

Your husband is awful

Your neighbours are weird

You need a divorce and to move house

What does your DH mean about you being critical of other people? Do you have a pattern of this behavior in front of the kids?

I think it's good he doesn't fight in front of the kids.

Still not ok to call you a bitch. None of that makes this ok.

I’m thinking there is more nuance to this story than OP is letting on. DH “pathetic bitch” comment doesn’t make sense in context, and neither does the neighbours extreme reaction.

Nobody's required to eat cupcakes they don't want. It makes no material difference to the neighbours what you did with the cupcakes; they were a gift and yours to do as you like with (provided they were intended for you/son gave them to you).

If your husband is that upset, what did he propose you should do with the cakes no one would eat, let them sit and get moldy? HE didn't return them to the neighbours with a huge apology and false claims of family-wide diabetes and he didn't take the initiative to eat them or give them away, so his criticism is of limited utility even if he had managed to phrase it civilly. You may have to tell him in Reddit-speak so he understands: HE is the "asshole".

What behaviour does your Mum have ?