DH called me a pathetic b****

[Piouspenny]

Our neighbours sent some cupcakes with my son when he returned from a play date. . Unfortunately, they weren't particularly nice so I threw them away; DS and DH aren't particularly fond of cakes so wouldn't have eaten them.

I mentioned this to DS in passing when he asked where the cupcakes were. A few days later, when over their house, he told the neighbours that I threw them away.

It's caused some friction with the neighbours and they have made it clear DS is no longer welcome at their house, which has left him feeling very upset.

DH has placed the blame squarely on me, calling me a bitch, amongst other things.

I know I shouldn't have said anything but I think swearing and being abusive isn't acceptable.

Surely you can see it's not nice to say something someone else has made "is not nice".
You'd never say that to a child either and certainly not tell them you'd binned them.
Of course this is going to get back to the neighbours and of course they are going to feel hurt.

OP did tell the son they weren't nice:

His anger was about me telling DS the cupcakes weren't nice.

I think if the son went over there and relayed any of the information passed on to him by his mum, (cakes weren't nice so she binned them), it's too late to style it out with the neighbours.

Chances are he let slip the whole thing she said, and that's why the husband is angry about it. If he only said they got binned I think it is an overeaction of the neighbours to ban him from the house, unless this isn't the first incident of rudeness/spitefulness that he is parroting from his mum of course.

Eitherway OP has admitted she was in the wrong to put him in that position, I hope she does try to make amends with them for his sake as it sound like he may have lost a friend over it now.

@Hyperbowl, thanks I don't need to do anything nor listen to your judgement of my response.
But thank you so much for providing me with a summary of what happened, it's very good of you.
If only it was accurate.
I think "you need" to read the post more carefully - as do I, but I will accept that advice gracefully. It's nice to be nice. "You need" to try it perhaps.....

I said ‘No where does OP say that her child told the neighbour that the cakes tasted horrible.’

There’s no evidence that the child told the neighbour that the cakes were horrible. Children are unlikely to say these things to adults they don’t know well.

I'm thinking that given how the neighbour no longer wants him over that the OPs son may have said something that sounded very rude. Most people don't stop their children seeing a friend lightly.

This is obviously my speculation. OP can always fill us in.

The only evidence is that the neighbours have now banned him from the house.

He may not have told them that in fairness, but it seems a bit extreme to ban him if he just told them they had been thrown away, they could have been thrown away for any amount of genuine reasons.

I feel for the poor lad, he's either too young to know better or he probably thinks 'telling it like it is' is the only way to be as that's what his mum does, he'll learn the hard way about diplomacy though.

If the child is at an unaccompanied play date but still too young to realise you don't always repeat what your parents say in private then it is reasonable to assume he does know the neighbours well and feels comfortable with them.

Him calling her a pathetic bitch was in response to her calling him wet. Given that the OP has said she wishes he would argue in front of the children not bottle things up and how she has caused arguments with other people because of her 'honesty' coupled with her being responsible for escalating the argument it would seem more likely that the name calling was the result of snapping after being pushed rather than him being an abusive partner. I think under the circumstances I would have called her similar probably substituting pathetic for nasty.

Unless the child told the neighbors that the cakes weren't nice the thread makes no sense. Why would DH have been annoyed at OP for not making up a white lie instead of saying that they weren't nice?

My take on it filling in the blanks is that OP tells it how it is and doesn't care if people think she's negative.

DH doesn't like the negativity but now that OP's behaviour is having an effect on their DC they are getting more frustrated with it.

Going by the neighbours banning this more than likely isn't the only rude incident from either OP or the DC. DH didn't handle his frustration as well as he could have.

Or rude - that she hides behind the fact that it is the truth and therefore she has every right to say it

even if it is actually just her truth - the cupcakes were not very nice in her opinion doesn’t mean they weren’t nice full stop

and now others are being affected by this

Okay, no problem. 👍

I don't think your DH was right to call you that, but I do think your actions were really not OK. You should not have thrown away the cupcakes and most defitely should not have told your DS that they were not nice and you had thrown them away.

Yes, exactly this. I agree that the possibility is that he’s told them the whole truth as mum has said it because that’s what children do. I can’t imagine he would think he was doing anything wrong except for repeating what his mum has told him which in fairness he wasn’t. It seems extremely unlike that the cake being thrown away and him being banned from the house aren’t related as you’ve quite rightly pointed out it’s much too big a reaction to ban him otherwise. I feel for him too. It’s not fair that he’s been penalised for the actions of someone else.

I think the OP’s words were in fact ‘not nice’ instead of horrible but they were definitely bad enough for the OP to throw them out. It’s also clear from the OP that he’s not welcome in their house since that point but people will bend over backwards to defend others poor actions and will pick apart and argue the toss over people’s wording when it means exactly the same thing. I cannot imagine why.

This really tickled me I’m not sure why.
Jesus Christ your neighbour is overreacting. Some people can’t bake, so what. I’m one of them and my cakes taste shit. Your allowed to say you don’t like something your neighbour needs to stop being a drip.

i wouldn’t sweat this at all op. Leave her to her tantrum.

your husband just sounds sick of your shit 😂

Sorry, bit off topic here. But your husband calling you a bitch is bad right?

What if he regularly calls you a pathetic bitch?

certainly not telling DS anything again. it's like telling your DM exotic travel stories!! she'll act impressed but then blow it up in your face!! ps- he could have called you worse. don't think "pathetic" matches in this circumstance, OP x