DH called me a pathetic b****

[Piouspenny]

Our neighbours sent some cupcakes with my son when he returned from a play date. . Unfortunately, they weren't particularly nice so I threw them away; DS and DH aren't particularly fond of cakes so wouldn't have eaten them.

I mentioned this to DS in passing when he asked where the cupcakes were. A few days later, when over their house, he told the neighbours that I threw them away.

It's caused some friction with the neighbours and they have made it clear DS is no longer welcome at their house, which has left him feeling very upset.

DH has placed the blame squarely on me, calling me a bitch, amongst other things.

I know I shouldn't have said anything but I think swearing and being abusive isn't acceptable.

People - even children - should be given the opportunity to make their own minds if something is good or band.

If it's nasty, let him spit it out.

Once you start thinking for your ds he will never be independent.

I also think there's more to the story than OP has let on. She binned the cupcakes (assuming home made by the neighbours during playdate) without asking her husband and son first because it is "not nice" to her standards. That is kind of messed up to throw away food that's just "not nice". A normal person will ask the family to try it for themselves first before deciding what to do with them? Assuming if it was that bad the neighbours won't be that proud in giving it to them. If it's healthy and sugarless you can just add some buttercream yourself.

I think the act of judging the cupcakes are not up to her standards and binning it without asking might give more weight to what the husband is saying OP is a critical person.

Well it was a bit bitchy to tell dc the cupcakes were nasty and bin them. Why on earth didn't you just keep them and throw them in a couple of days when they weren't eaten.

I get a lot of food gifts at work. Some from people you could not pay me to eat anything they made. I'm also diabetic. I say thank you so much it was wonderful. Irs ot hard to be nice.

And I was told no made up scenarios allowed…

Great idea.

Why are you making up these fantasies?

Well obviously but that’s not what I was saying 😂 my point was the reason OP threw them out and didn’t give them to her child ie because she didn’t like them and the PP needn’t start making up random scenarios.

H (starts out confused because his son is sad): why didn't you just say all the cupcakes got eaten?
OP: don't be so wet. They were inedible. Why do I need to lie to DS?
H: come on, he's a child, you should have been able to work out he would probably tell them and they might be hurt.
OP: oh for goodness sake, stop being so ridiculous. Not everybody is as sensitive as you.
H (now starting to get angry): why are you always such a bitch to me? It's pathetic. You do this every time I try to suggest that there are times when discretion might be more helpful

And is this a random made up scenario or a factual account?

@Wheredidileavemycarkeys try reading my whole post.

It feels like there is a lot missing in this tale as well as backstory. Sometimes you want to fill in the gaps but you can't really tell if you're being accurate.

That doesn’t really make any difference you’re is still speculating which I got a right bollocking for. I’m just using your post as an example.

@Wheredidileavemycarkeys I very specifically stated it was a scenario I could equally imagine in direct response to someone imagining the tone OP spoke in. Don't use me to defend yourself.

@Wheredidileavemycarkeys the difference between you and posters like this is that they have offered an alternative perspective but stated it is just that and haven’t tried to keep arguing their opinion like it is fact and actually happened as you and that one other poster did. You’re now being inflammatory by quoting individual posters and telling them that they’re not allowed to give their opinion just because many posters told you that the way you were behaving was rightly out of order.

Still speculation.

And defend myself from what? 😂

Well that’s all nonsense.

I haven’t said my opinions are facts

I haven’t said posters aren’t allowed to give their opinions

Me posting on this thread is not “out of order”.

He’s right, you should’ve. Weird that you didn’t, and still don’t, understand that really. Clearly you have history for being tactless and overly blunt, and it sounds very much as though you started the name calling, and say it ‘escalated’ from there, suggesting you’re not whiter than white here.

Why do you think so many people “gave you a bollocking” if you were just respectfully offering a difference of opinion just as many others have? You are quoting multiple posters who are politely giving their opinion and have literally said upthread “speculation is not allowed and still speculation” but yeah, I’m the one talking nonsense. 🙄 All you have done is make yourself look silly by repeatedly contradicting yourself and trying to cause friction with multiple people. All of which is completely unnecessary. Just accept you were wrong and move on and stop trying to derail the thread because it’s actually against the rules because it takes away from the posters who want to give actual advice and support. That is out of order because derailing threads is against the rules on here. I won’t be replying to you again as I’m not going to enable you further.

Total over reaction on all sides.

Advice and support? Give over.

It was only the one person and I’ve no idea why she thought me speculating that the OP told her son the cakes were not nice as a result of him asking for one and her having to admit she threw them away generated such ire. Literally no idea at all. But if you think I’m breaking the rules feel free to report me.

Well I wouldn't have binned the cakes, I would have kept them then binned if not eaten and said they were nice to the neighbours even if not. Your husband shouldn't have disclosed you binned them, he shouldn't have called you a bitch either. I would take some chocolates and wine to the neighbours and a card to apologise. It seems a shame on your child if they were friends with the neighbours children/child to fall out.

Two things here:

1. Go and see your neighbour and take some chocolates/flowers. Apologise and say that you can understand their reaction as communicated by your son but the message has got a little twisted as you threw the cakes out because the cat/dog licked them, they fell on the floor, you accidently spilled washing up liquid/bleach/hand soap over them and they were ruined - which you hadn't explained to him, he just saw they'd been thrown out. And make sure your son is updated with this.
2. Such judgement from your husband - what did he do to sort it out? Will leave you to deal with that one by having a convo about throwing your partner under the bus. Nice one, why isn't he on your side? Revenge is a dish best served cold, he's better remember that!

I think you need to go back and read the full OP because you seem to have got your accuracies a bit skewed.

The OP can’t go back and lie now and claim that she dropped them or whatever because not only did she herself tell her child that she binned them, she told the child the reason that she binned them was because they tasted horrible. The child then went and repeated what his mother had told him back to the neighbour and the neighbour has banned him from the house. The husband told the OP that she shouldn’t have told the child that she had binned them because they were horrible but should have offered a white lie at the time using something along the lines of what you suggested to save the neighbours feelings and the sons upset.

The OP in response to her husband suggesting that he shouldn’t have told their DC the truth for obvious reasons said he was ridiculous and called him wet. He then said she was being pathetic and a bitch in response.

Why should her DH support her when he doesn’t agree with her actions and why should her DH be the one to sort the mess that she created?

Do you really believe the neighbour will believe that?

And why should the husband be fixing this?

The Op chose to throw them out, then chose to tell the child exactly why. Then chose to call her husband ridiculous and wet when he voiced his own opinion that she, again, has caused issues with bluntness.

This situation is of her making, why should he be the one to fix it? If my dp was rude to the neighbours, not a chance would I be taking on the task of lying and trying to smooth it over.

You seem seriously over invested in this thread and angry for some reason. It’s not that deep, it’s not a hospital and no one has died.

not only did she herself tell her child that she binned them, she told the child the reason that she binned them was because they tasted horrible. The child then went and repeated what his mother had told him back to the neighbour and the neighbour has banned him from the house.

No where does OP say that her child told the neighbour that the cakes tasted horrible. You are making things up to sell suit your agenda and to give OP a good kicking.

OP only said ‘A few days later, when over their house, he told the neighbours that I threw them away.’

No mention of them tasting horrible so OP absolutely can go back and make up an excuse about the cakes.

He then said she was being pathetic and a bitch in response.

No he called her a ‘pathetic bitch’. Again, you’re making things up.