DH called me a pathetic b****

[Piouspenny]

Our neighbours sent some cupcakes with my son when he returned from a play date. . Unfortunately, they weren't particularly nice so I threw them away; DS and DH aren't particularly fond of cakes so wouldn't have eaten them.

I mentioned this to DS in passing when he asked where the cupcakes were. A few days later, when over their house, he told the neighbours that I threw them away.

It's caused some friction with the neighbours and they have made it clear DS is no longer welcome at their house, which has left him feeling very upset.

DH has placed the blame squarely on me, calling me a bitch, amongst other things.

I know I shouldn't have said anything but I think swearing and being abusive isn't acceptable.

How young is dc. You need to save face on this one with the neighbour. Can you say you threw them away begrudgingly because they'd dropped in a pile of ( insert dosguisting thing) as you were putting them away etc and you said to dc they weren't nice now so had to throw them away..? Not ideal lying but they've cut contact ymsk you've really hurt rhein feelings! Also bake something back and say want to make sure u didn't think it was for any other reason as you'd never throw away cakes!!

Im sorry but the only person responsible for that is OP. Very telling her husband has said she has form for unkind behaviour he doesn’t want the kids picking up on. Sounds like she’s not so nice if you ask me. But soz, forgot this is mumsnet where the OP is always innocent and there’s no other sides to any of the stories 🙄

So your husband found this out and just turned round and said ‘you are a pathetic bitch’. There was an escalating argument or anything? That’s a massive over reaction and he is out of order.

However, does he have a point that comment negatively on people? This is exactly what he worried would happen, isn’t it?

You (not thinking), say something in front of ds and ds repeats it and it has a negative impact on ds? Is this an ongoing issue?

You say dh ‘laid the blame squarely on my shoulders’, where else would the blame, for the cupcake situation, go. You threw them out then told ds. Or are you hoping you can in also get ds to shoulder some of the blame?

How unfortunate all around!

I was trying to think what little white lie would help mend things with the neighbours but there are some good ideas by @Ohthatsabitshit .

Or you could say you ate them all but didn’t want to admit to it. Then they will just think you are greedy but DS might have the ban lifted 😉

How bad were the cupcakes?

Are you not embarrassed that your kid has told your neighbour that you threw away the cakes ?

I don't think I'd have your kid over to my house again after that

I’m finding it difficult to believe that you’d openly tell a young child you threw cakes away and you’d hope your husband argued in from of the children….

Very telling her husband has said she has form for unkind behaviour he doesn’t want the kids picking up on.

This would be the husband who calls his wife a pathetic bitch?

We've butted heads about this before: he thinks I am too critical about everything, and should just keep my mouth shut. Just not say anything negative about anyone.

I said he was being ridiculous and the argument just escalated from there.

Just not say anything negative about anyone.

Well he’s not applying that rule to himself is he?

This is perfect on both counts. Claim misunderstanding on the cakes. Don’t be with a man who calls you a bitch. Or any other horrible names.

Not nice.

Why on earth would you tell your son!?! You could have been diplomatic and just said you’d eaten them. Or you could have been grateful and not immediately thrown them away.

I do agree you were a bit of a bitch but he shouldn’t have spoken to you like that.

Was your son at the neighbour's house playing with their child? I'm wondering if the neighbour's child helped make the cupcakes and that's why the announcement that they were thrown away has upset them so much. Perhaps DS, even if he's not usually particularly fond of cake, might have liked to eat one in these circumstances.

Your DH is completely out of order, but I’m not understanding why you’d throw them out without giving your family the opportunity to try them and then tell your son (whose age you appear reluctant to disclose).

It’s odd, no?

Lie to your neighbour. Tell them you and DH ate the cakes but didn't want to confess to DS. So you told him you'd thrown them away so he wouldn't kick off at not getting one. You never thought he'd repeat your fib back to the neighbour and you're so sorry.

Is anyone in this story supposed to be over the age of 8?

No excuse for name calling. Decide if DH is worth staying with or not.

I'd consider if he has a point about being negative and rude. Did you tell your son you threw the cupcakes out or you threw them out because they weren't nice? MIL recently bought some biscuits from a bakery and sent us home with them. I quietly told my husband they were quite bad (and they were selling them for money!) but didn't let the kids hear.

I'd lie to the neighbours about the cupcakes. Something like you ate most of them and threw out the last couple because they were "not nice" after a fly landed on them or the cat licked them. DS misunderstood what you told him.

To be fair, my kids aren’t huge on cake. Once in a blue moon, birthday or such but it wouldn’t be a first or second choice of treat. But there’s definitely something odd here, I’m not getting what was so bad about these cakes that they were not only thrown away after the op had a bite, but she had to openly tell her child what she did. Did they have dog shit icing instead of chocolate? Topped with cat litter rather than sugar sprinkles? What was so awful?

they didn't even get a chance to see them before they were binned!

You started the whole thing, and if this is the level of rudeness you normally aspire to I'm not surprised they're at the end of their tethers with you.

If this was a kid gifted cupcakes and didn't like them the responses would all be, "teach your kid to be polite and grateful even if they aren't keen."

You should have said to your DH and your kid that there were cupcakes available with no other comment. If they didn't like them, you should have chucked them out for the birds or stuck them on a food sharing app. Not loudly complained about them and set off a whole load of other bullshit.

You're rude and ungrateful and you're attracting that energy back and then somehow think you're the nice one.

Your husband shouldn't have called you that. But I think your throwing away the cupcakes is odd, especially as your son was asking where there were, clearly the cupcakes were wanted or he wouldn't have asked. As a neighbour I'd be offended too if my kind gesture was thrown in the bin and I was informed of it.

Sorry, but your husband sounds moronic. Why would he tell the neighbours what you did with the cakes , other than ate them, which you didn’t ?