DH called me a pathetic b****

[Piouspenny]

Our neighbours sent some cupcakes with my son when he returned from a play date. . Unfortunately, they weren't particularly nice so I threw them away; DS and DH aren't particularly fond of cakes so wouldn't have eaten them.

I mentioned this to DS in passing when he asked where the cupcakes were. A few days later, when over their house, he told the neighbours that I threw them away.

It's caused some friction with the neighbours and they have made it clear DS is no longer welcome at their house, which has left him feeling very upset.

DH has placed the blame squarely on me, calling me a bitch, amongst other things.

I know I shouldn't have said anything but I think swearing and being abusive isn't acceptable.

Well of course they wouldn’t, she binned them. 🤔

Maybe she should fish them out of the bin for the DH.

Name-calling aside, I'm on your husband's side. He's not "wet" just because he doesn't go barrelling through life offending people and causing needless fall outs. Telling your son that the cupcakes were horrible was really unnecessary (and pretty silly - of course he's going to repeat that! The neighbour probably asked him point blank if he enjoyed them 😬).

Honestly, if I hosted/entertained/fed your kid, then he came back and told me you said my baking was shite, I'd think you were a bitch too.

How does she know?

If my OH presumptively binned stuff, I'd call it controlling....

Maybe if she had given him an opportunity to try them in the first place he may have liked them and wanted to eat them? He was clearly interested in trying them because he wouldn’t have asked where they were and got upset otherwise. Children’s tastes do change and often they like to copy others so if he’s seen his play date friend eat one or he had contributed to helping make them this may be why he was interested in these particular cakes if he doesn’t eat them normally.

I’m happy to admit that’s a complete overreach but this isn’t really about the cakes though. This is just a symptom of the problem as you are well aware but you are just refusing to engage in the obvious and are insistent in obtusely missing the point entirely whilst claiming the OP is the hero and her husband a villain when there is fault on both sides. Admittedly the OPs behaving is far more concerning if we are to take what’s been said at face value. Utterly bizarre.

Maybe he should start scoffing cakes from now so that OP can see he likes them.

It's not a possibility they were sat around for a couple of days though is it, because instead of saying 'they wouldn't have eaten them', op would have said 'they didn't eat them/hadn't ate them'.

Saying they wouldn't have eaten them implies that she had decided that on their behalf, which means they weren't given the chance to eat them.. except DS then came looking for them, which is when OP decided to tell him they were not nice so she binned them.. he came looking so chances are he wanted one and OP made a mistake by deciding that for them.

None of what OP says implies they had been sat around for days with opportunity for them to be eaten though, so you insisting that is a possibility makes no sense to be honest, besides, if that was the case, OP would have said "no one ate any so I had to chuck them away".

The facts are all there, you're just ignoring them.

Your DH was rude and should not have said what he did. However, you did a stupid thing by telling your son you had thrown them away. Everyone knows kids can't keep things to themselves, and have no tact. If I were the neighbour I wouldn't be talking to you either. All the people saying you should have told a white lie are absolutely right.

It's not a possibility they were sat around for a couple of days though is it, because instead of saying 'they wouldn't have eaten them', op would have said 'they didn't eat them/hadn't ate them'.

If course it’s a possibility. It’s possible to see the cakes sitting there after 2 days, see they’re uneaten, chuck them and tell us they wouldn’t have eaten them because they’re not fond of cakes and they were uneaten.

Why do you think this is impossible?

Saying they wouldn't have eaten them implies that she had decided that on their behalf, which means they weren't given the chance to eat them..

Because she knows from prior experience that they’re not fond of cakes.

None of what OP says implies they had been sat around for days with opportunity for them to be eaten though, so you insisting that is a possibility makes no sense to be honest, besides, if that was the case, OP would have said "no one ate any so I had to chuck them away".

I said we don’t know how long the cakes were there for. Which is true. You’re getting bogged down in irrelevancies.

The facts are all there, you're just ignoring them.

So where does it say how long the cakes were sat for?

Well he's right - you should have told a white lie!

You might want to rethink your honesty - it is not always the best policy

You need to use what they teach kids in school about when it is ok to say something. 'Is it true, is it kind, is it necessary?' Basically 2 of the 3 have to apply - or you don't say it. Your statement was true, but not kind or necessary

You need to contact the neighbour and say someone sneezed all over the cakes or something and that's why you had to throw them away

Living with someone who is constantly negative, critical and pessimistic is exhausting

He still shouldn't have called you a bitch though

You are both unreasonable and obviously clash - your poor ds (& you still have not said how old he is!)

No, the mother made them. I admit, I was silly to tell my DC that I'd thrown them away but they were not nice.

"Telling it like it is" says a lot to me.

You all sound terrible tbh. You were rude binning perfectly good food coming from people that were nice enough to have your kid over AND send some treats, then telling your son you threw the cupcakes away as if that's normal and kind. Then the neighbours go psycho on you and take it on your poor kid (it really is not his fault). Your husband, probably the worst of all calling you a bitch...do ANY of you have any self control? You all seem very thoughtless....

There is no evidence to suggest that they had been sat there for days and that was the reason why she threw them out. Why are you like a dog with a bone about a piece of information that you’ve fabricated that has no relevancy to the thread? If she’d have binned them because they were stale then that’s a perfectly good reason and she would have said. She did however say the reason actually was because they didn’t taste very nice and didn’t think they would have been eaten because DH and DC don’t normally eat cake. There is your fact for you. So all you are doing is pushing an imaginary point needlessly and derailing the thread which is unfair to everyone else who have to keep reading your flurry of nonsense - which is more than a little bit tedious. Politely, please stop.

I said it before.. you are totally missing the point, on purpose maybe?

She decided to throw them away before anyone had any, THAT is the fact, it would actually be irrelevant how long they sat there for, even though in her first post it's pretty clear they weren't there long:
Our neighbours sent some cupcakes with my son when he returned from a play date. . Unfortunately, they weren't particularly nice so I threw them away.

But regardless of that, her DH isn't mad at her for throwing them away, he's mad at her for being negative and critical and telling their son that they weren't very nice and telling their son that she had thrown them away.

If you knew you were silly to say that to DS, and admit you shouldn't have said that, why did you blow up at DH and call him ridiculous and wet when he said you should have just made up a white lie about it instead?

There is no evidence to suggest that they had been sat there for days and that was the reason why she threw them out. Why are you like a dog with a bone about a piece of information that you’ve fabricated that has no relevancy to the thread

Is there any evidence she threw them out as soon as she got them?

I don’t think anyone said she did?

he's mad at her for being negative and critical and telling their son that they weren't very nice and telling their son that she had thrown them away

Is that worth getting angry about? All people are negative and critical sometimes. Like some of the the people on this thread for example

The son blabbing to the neighbours that the cakes were thrown away is regrettable but the fact that the cakes were thrown away is not itself a big deal if no-one actually wanted to eat one.
If the son wanted them and they were thrown away that would be odd but if he wanted them why would OP throw them away.

so she threw them out after a few days?

The husband was not calling the wife a bitch for throwing away some cakes. He was upset that she told their child that she threw them away. He said she should have said a white lie. He is concerned that their child will learn her hypercritical ways. OP responded by calling her husband "wet" and "ridiculous".

In passing, at no point did OP even mention offering the cakes to her husband or child, or leave it out for a day or two to see if anyone would eat it. She just binned it based on her own opinion that they wouldn't "particularly" fancy them.

I can’t believe I need to write this, I really can’t. Do you understand there is a difference between immediately and a few days? Thay there is a wide space of time between the two?

the old sayings ring true …

Just as easy/same amount of energy to be positive as it is to be negative.

”just being honest” sounds a lot like “I don’t even try to be positive”

Maybe reflect or consider why you behave in a way that pushes people away, rather than in a way to draw people near?
What are you afraid of?

IMO … I’m just being honest …