DH called me a pathetic b****

[Piouspenny]

Our neighbours sent some cupcakes with my son when he returned from a play date. . Unfortunately, they weren't particularly nice so I threw them away; DS and DH aren't particularly fond of cakes so wouldn't have eaten them.

I mentioned this to DS in passing when he asked where the cupcakes were. A few days later, when over their house, he told the neighbours that I threw them away.

It's caused some friction with the neighbours and they have made it clear DS is no longer welcome at their house, which has left him feeling very upset.

DH has placed the blame squarely on me, calling me a bitch, amongst other things.

I know I shouldn't have said anything but I think swearing and being abusive isn't acceptable.

Okey doke.

How on earth is pretending to your son that your just ate all the cakes "letting people walk all over you". If DH is used to you just tramping all over everything and everyone in your size 9s with a "I tell it like it is" attitude then he's probably fed up to the back teeth with you being nasty and this is probably the straw the broke the camels back. So he's flipped and told you what he thinks of you.

I think that perhaps you're that friend that everyone cringes about how offensive you are without caring about others feelings. Choosing to not upset people with your opinion is poles apart from letting them walk all over you. Maybe consider whether your directness has gradually evolved into nastiness.

Sorry. Yes of course, STALE!!! 🤣

That would certainly be one hell of a drip feed. 😁

I wasn’t talking about you, I was talking about the other poster who I replied to that you’d quoted from if that makes sense.

Whilst I entirely agree with your last sentence, I am not convinced by the tone you put on the argument.
I can also picture an alternative, bearing in mind this discussion must have occured after the son got banned from next door for being as honest blunt as OP.

H (starts out confused because his son is sad): why didn't you just say all the cupcakes got eaten?
OP: don't be so wet. They were inedible. Why do I need to lie to DS?
H: come on, he's a child, you should have been able to work out he would probably tell them and they might be hurt.
OP: oh for goodness sake, stop being so ridiculous. Not everybody is as sensitive as you.
H (now starting to get angry): why are you always such a bitch to me? It's pathetic. You do this every time I try to suggest that there are times when discretion might be more helpful.

Probably with several other steps in between, given that OP describes it escalating from her calling him wet. But, because she despises him for being soft(er than her), she hears it 'he called me a pathetic bitch' and comes to MN to bitch about him. She does not come across to me as an entirely reliable narrator.

Without actually being in the room, it is impossible to know what tone of voice he said it in. My version might be correct, so might yours. Either way, I can't see this relationship lasting.

How, exactly, did this escalate into a shouting match between you and DH?

Of course calling someone wet has the same level of disrespect. It implies that they have no backbone or integrity and that as an individual they are mentally weak or inferior. It’s something a person says to undermine a persons personality or self confidence and assert dominance. It’s frankly a disgusting thing to say to someone you’re meant to love. He is equally wrong for calling her a pathetic bitch but if someone had insulted me in such a manner for saying they shouldn’t have done something that has my son upset I’d probably in retaliation call them a bitch because her actions were nasty or ‘bitchy’ and the fact she called him pathetic for having an opinion that most people in this thread have agreed with is a pathetic attempt at trying to undermine him. I also agree with your last sentence.

There is also another bit missing, the ops kid has been banned from the neighbours house, that doesn’t happen because he said the cakes weren’t nice so mum binned them. So something else was said.

The neighbours reaction is what makes me think there's more going on here.

@Sodthebloodymealplan To me, “you pathetic bitch” hits just as hard whether whispered, sighed, hissed or screamed. As to whether she is a reliable narrator, I tend to give the OP of any thread the benefit of the doubt. Life is too short to spend time picking holes through a stranger’s story.

I’m a bit gobsmacked at the amount of people clutching their pearls at spouses swearing at each other and saying it ‘should never happen’. Methinks all those people have either not been married long,or are telling little white lies themselves,or they live in Stepford….😂

My partner and I have been together for 30 years and have not shouted or sworn at each other. We both like a quiet life.

Oh no!!
As you live you learn and parents all have to do it fast for the sake of their children. Never ever say anything bad about anyone except if you would be ok defending it in front of the person…coz it will happen!

Honestly you need to take the blame here and explain to your child that it was indeed your fault and that you should never have done that and apologize to him.

Your hubby was out of order the way he spoke but then if you can’t understand that…I would have been pretty miffed too so maybe calling abuse when he was mad you put his child and you both in that situation is a bit mehhh…
By all means if he does that all year round…but if it is linked to these kind of situations…He should work on his language but I understand the why…

Sorry op. It happens to all of us. Just hang in there 🌺

It's not a nice way to speak to your spouse. I do get that he might be worried about your behaviour and the behaviour your child could be picking up from you making your child more isolated. Ideally you have a constructive discussion about that sort of thing.

Absolutely

Why didn’t you just let your son and husband decide for themselves if they weren’t nice before just chucking them away? And then telling you son that? Not the smartest thing to do.
your DH overreacted though, sounds like not a great relationship anyway.

I also agree with others there’s more to this. They wouldn’t ban the son because the mum doesn’t like the cakes.

To be honest being with someone who is constantly critical of everything would wear anyone down. You didn’t even let them decide the cakes weren’t nice you just took it upon yourself to make that decision and then told your son.

Why on earth did you say you threw them away?

Were they home made? That could be seen as very insulting if so.

Your husband shouldn't have called you that though.

Well, I’ve been married for 10 years, i’m not telling white lies and I live in Herts 😂. We just have difference expectations about how we communicate with each other.

We determined that the husband shags the neighbours wife and his son is half brother to her - op - son

no possible point in anyone's behaviour otherwise. A whole shitstorm due to few cupcakes. Also a woman in her right mind do not just throws them in the bin and jolly informs her son

bollocks galore or if true all parties are mad and in a weird set up

Not sure about that but people claiming they never row, never have issues in the marriage, all is bliss all the time. Simply not realistic

Now you’re moving the goal posts. There is a big difference between swearing at each other and never rowing or living in bliss all the time. Some couples can have arguments and disagreements without swearing at each other or calling each other names. Based on my own experience and social circle, that’s the norm and swearing/name calling isn’t.

This is a good response if you want to repair the relationship with the neighbours (though personally I wouldn't bother).

Don't bother with DH. He is vile and a waste of space.