Twins should not be dressed the same

[Mokel]

My friend has identical twin girls - aged 3, She has never put them in the same clothing. Sometimes when buying a multipack of babygrows, t-shirts - each one wears one of these from the same pack. She is often criticised by people that she should dress them the same. First its none of their business and secondly, they may be identical in appearance but not in personality. People need to treat twins individually.

I think parenting is hard for everyone for many different reasons and isn't a competition and I think it's disgusting to say raising singletons is a piece of piss. Secondly people are allowed to have opinions it's on you whether you want to take notice or not. I'm assuming this isn't your first day on mumsnet and in the past you have commented on posts that you have opinions on but not experienced. Mumsnet would be a very quiet and one sided site if people where only allowed to comment on things they have lived through.

My eldest was 18 months old, and as it turned out, autistic, when I had my twins. Not the same as triplets but still mind bogglingly hard.

No not the same try having 3 the same age twins and a singleton is nothing

It’s madness isn’t it? I remember meeting a girl in the park who was doing the “oh you’ve got twins” speech and then she said “but if you have twins, they give you a nanny, don’t they?” I was agog.
I did however get a bigger bin.

This exactly. I don't give a stuff if I am not a parent of twins. I am entitled to my views. It's utterly ludicrous for mums of twins to get all sniffy and irate because mums who DON'T have twins are having the audacity to comment. LMFAO! Precious much?! 😂

(Some) 'twin' mums are acting like they are part of some special society that no-one else is permitted to look at or comment on! As you said, all twins will be different anyway, and want different things, so there is no one size fits all, and no right or wrong...

As I said earlier, (and this is JMO) I think identical twins look cute dressed in similar outfits, or co-ordinating ones, (like on the pics I have posted here.) But dressing them 100% identical looks a bit daft IMO. I would have thought it would be best to dress them slightly differently. If nothing else, at least you can tell which is which! 😆

And also (as I said earlier,) dressing sisters in identical outfits when they are more than 2-3 years apart in age looks ridiculous!

Dear Lord – did you even read my response? I HAVE TWINS.

Of course you can have an opinion if you don't have twins. By @LePetitMaman's 'rules of the thread', you can't, but I have twins so I say you can .... (or whatever ridiculous logic she wants to apply, I guess). It doesn't take having twins to asses what is beneficial for an individual human being. I suppose she's just disgruntled because she's dressed her twins as one and she cannot stand any criticism of that. Oh well.

Mine are boy/girl.

They have some stuff the same. And some not. They don't dress identically except for jackets and and unisex type clothing.

So, no.

I've read lots of your responses. On many threads.

And see that this is what you do on every one.

Be well.

As an identical twin, with identical twins, I feel I’m sufficiently qualified to weigh in here, and I’m of the opinion that twins should not be dressed the same.

From the perspective of being an identical twin, I’m glad my parents insisted we were treated as two separate individuals growing up - no matchy matchy names, no matchy matchy outfits. My sister and I grew up understanding that whilst we definitely had very similar interests (and faces!) growing up, and it was great always having a friend to play with, we were each our own person which meant we didn’t always have to approach the world as a pair and be reliant on each other to thrive. Our Mum jokes she did too good a job at ensuring we were independent after my sister worked and travelled abroad for several years!

As a parent of twins, it’s up to me to ensure my daughters have the same strong sense of self, and part of that comes from ensuring others see and treat them as individuals as well. Dressing them differently goes a way to helping with this.
I hear other twin parents on this thread saying it makes their life easier to dress them the same, but to be honest I would rather my life were a little harder (though I can’t say this is my experience) if it meant people weren’t constantly muddling them up, or treating them as the same person, as they hate people calling them the wrong name and will correct them every time.

@LePetitMaman I don’t know where you got the idea that “you will see literally every twin parent telling you, it's the twins themselves that refuse to be different, up to a certain age”, or 95% of the twin Mums on this thread are of the same mindset as you. My girls have never been bothered about dressing the same, the only time they went out in the same outfit is when they happened to both want to wear the same thing that day, and similarly to not forcing them to dress identically, I’m also not going to force them to dress differently to each other because of my own view on the subject.
They’re 10 years old now and certainly have their own individual sense of style.

That I say I have twins? Sure.

Good luck parenting too sweetie, you know with the single children you have knowledge of

.. clear indication that you've read jack all.

Yes, essentially. Twins are in comparison.

(I think they're finally starting to get it...)

No, behave like this towards other posters. Condescending, superior, uninformed... to usually the OP very personally though. So there is that slight difference.

But you knew that was what I meant. We both know that. As would anyone who sees those posts.

I see that's your "thing" now. Take care.

Your conduct on this thread has been appalling to say the least. You will have to accept that you don't get a say in how many other think you should treat twins – whether you like it or not. That opinion exists and it's valid, and nothing you can rage at on this thread will remove it.

Hear, hear. Brilliantly put.

I don’t know where you got the idea that “you will see literally every twin parent telling you, it's the twins themselves that refuse to be different, up to a certain age”, or 95% of the twin Mums on this thread are of the same mindset as you

It's not an idea. Look through the thread. It's very literally how many are saying the exact same thing.

I mean, that's literally maths, so I don't know what to tell you other than you disagree with the huge majority of twin mums on the thread?

It's great your twins weren't averse to not having the same thing. Again, if you read the thread, it's not common. Certainly when small.

Given that having tiny children is hard-going, and having two tiny children at once especially hard-going, I've always thought that dressing them in cute little outfits so families and strangers go "awww" is one of the major perks.

On difficult days, when strangers used to smile at my babies and admire them, it was sort of a reminder to me through my sleep-deprived haze that they were actually lovely and I should take time to enjoy them, rather than just noisy demanding little goblins sent to drive me crazy.

Did you just tell me parenting is not a competition??!

Do you know what 'literally' means? There are several responses on this thread from twin Mums (and twins themselves, but apparently their opinion isn't valid) that say their twins weren't dressed the same and weren't bothered about matching with their sibling. But you seem to be conveniently ignoring them, just how you ignored the rest of my post. I'd have thought you'd be interested in the lived experience of twins, considering you're raising them? Or are you only concerned about proving you're right?

@Lynca I have so many questions to ask you I fear I’d derail this thread but I’m bursting!
For ref; I’m an identical twin with a DD17 and I knew I’d only ever want one - ENOUGH with the arguing. Never even crossed my mind I’d have twins myself so I’ve never imagined what this scenario would be like?!

How did your twin sister react when you told her you were having identicals? Was she supportive? A little jealous (natural), did she laugh uproariously? Worried or thrilled? From your posts it sounds like your experience of being an identical twin and raising them has been overwhelmingly sound and positive as the silent majority generally tend to be.

My daughter looks very similar to my twin and I but her daughter takes after her father’s side completely and it’s been a sticky issue I can’t begin to tell you. She would buy her daughter the same dresses and coats - sometimes purely by accident - and even though there was a two year age gap the fact that our girls didn't look the same or she didn’t look like her was terribly disappointing for her.

They aren't your children so why are you criticising? YABU.

I have ID twins. They are usually dressed the same. Sometimes they pick different things, sometimes I just grab them the same outfit. They are 7. They really aren't bothered.

As they get older I'm sure they'll start making their own choices and choosing their own outfits.

I couldn't care less what other twin or parents of multiples do, they are the parents and they will dress their children as they please.

@thecoffeeowl I must admit it never even crossed my mind I might have twins either - I was the one laughing uproariously during the twelve week scan when I found out!

My sister was shocked and thrilled when I told her. She doesn’t have kids of her own, but it does make her wonder, if she decides to have kids one day whether she will also be lucky enough to have twins!

It’s a shame your sister is disappointed there isn’t as much of a similarity between the kids, but I did chuckle at you both accidentally buying the same clothes for your kids - I expect this is exactly what would happen had my sister and I had kids at the same time!

unless you have twins mind your own business 😂 mine would start a war if i gave them different outfits when they were little, now they're teenagers and totally different styles and personality but look identical

I'm trying to make a point to someone who was saying having single children is a piece of piss. Not nice is it

But I specifically said it’s not ‘a piece of piss’.