Twins should not be dressed the same

[Mokel]

My friend has identical twin girls - aged 3, She has never put them in the same clothing. Sometimes when buying a multipack of babygrows, t-shirts - each one wears one of these from the same pack. She is often criticised by people that she should dress them the same. First its none of their business and secondly, they may be identical in appearance but not in personality. People need to treat twins individually.

I couldn’t care less what people dress their children in, as long as they’re clean, warm and comfy.

To add, the experience of raising twins is very likely a one off. You just get the one shot so aside from it being a difficult task in itself to carry, deliver and raise two babies at once it really isn’t made any easier by the twin fantasists.
If my twins are real and yours are in your imagination I’d rather you just keep your opinions to yourself please.

I think it's OK for twins, but would be better if the outfits were just similar. Like same outfit, different colour for example. Just sometimes, not always!

I know a woman right now who is around 27, and she has 2 daughters 4 years apart, and she dresses them exactly the same all the time. It's SO ODD!

The 6 year old has the same outfit as her 2 year old sister. On every photo she posts on Facebook. They must have at least 20 outfits the same! The mum (and nan) think it's endearing, but it just looks daft! (IMO.) A bit like THIS! (Pics are from online, and are not the people I know!)

Sorry I haven’t read the whole thread and I don’t have twins myself (but sorry I do have thoughts on this). My SIL has identical twins and she has always dressed them identically, when they were babies if one threw up on his baby grow she would change them both.

I get the whole thing about it being easier and less fighting with toddlers. However, DH and I and our kids still find it extremely difficult to tell them apart. I’ve found it hard to build a relationship with them as individuals because for example, if one of them came over to play and was playing with X toy, the next time I wasn’t able to be like “oh I remember you liked this toy and you did this”. I can only tell them apart face on because one them has a very small scar. We often have to ask them which one they are. They also have a speech delay which I suppose doesn’t help.

I will look through the thread as also interested to know what those of you who are twins yourselves think!

Do they even make babygrows for 3 year olds?
I don't think you can make people the same by dressing them the same. Surely at 3 they are choosing what to wear themselves ( stinky spiderman outfit and wellies was a favourite here)

Identical twins aren't identical at all to those that know them well. This just says to me that you don't know them, which is why you can't tell them apart, not because they are wearing the same top.

My twins are non identical, I dress them the same because it's easier for me and they like it. When they don't like it, we will stop. There are a lot of people on this thread with seemingly very strong opinions about how other parents bring up their twins. I get pretty sick of hearing peoples opinions about twins, but now and again you meet some absolutely wonderful people who say something so perfect it really lifts you up and reminds you how special it is to have twins. It's easy to lose sight of that sometimes in amongst the pure work involved with having 2 children at the same age at the same time!

Nancy Segal actually did some research into this. Twins who were dressed the same were no more similar to each other, as adults, than twins who were dressed differently. I don’t think I’d do the identical clothes thing because it would be a complete pain for everyone, but it probably doesn’t do any harm, unless it is causing social issues.

Segal also researched the question of separate classrooms for twins, and concluded that schools should respect parents’ and kids’ wishes on this matter, if possible, rather than have blanket policies.

The funny thing is, people are often convinced that “Twins should be in separate classrooms no matter what, to help them develop into individuals.” I am not sure exactly what they mean by this, and I am not sure that they themselves are sure what they mean by such vague ideas. Do they mean that “We want twins to be more different from each other, and putting them in different classrooms will achieve this”?

Because the thing is, a) there is no clear evidence that making people more different from each other is inherently valuable, and b) there is no evidence that putting twins in separate classrooms causes their personalities to diverge. If anything, there is some intriguing evidence that the opposite may be the case. When twins spend time together, they often diverge slightly in an semi-deliberate way, as they don’t want to feel like competitors in everything and therefore choose to adopt slightly different roles in their social groups. If placed in separate environments, they may actually behave more similarly to each other; it’s a version of the “couple effect.”

I think a lot of people have this kind of vague feeling that twinned-ness is somehow pathological, and that we should make twins be as much like singletons as possible, but again, there is evidence that being a twin is protective in many ways. Twins live longer than singletons, for example, and the effect is stronger for men and stronger for identical twins, suggesting that the sheer emotional strength of the bond is actually good for people (women tend to get more emotional support from friends, so the relative effect of having a twin is most likely stronger for men than for women). In particular, the fact that having an identical twin is particularly powerful in terms of longevity is really striking, considering that identical twins in particular are more likely to have slight health problems before and around birth. Perhaps human society would be better, in some ways, if we were like goats (or whatever animal it is) and were all born with a twin as standard…

I really recommend reading Segal’s book Twin Mythconceptions, by the way; it is very evidence based, and quite fascinating.

ncmedsoc.org/do-twins-live-longer/#:~:text=While%20both%20fraternal%20and%20identical,to%20predict%20their%20sibling's%20needs.

My twins are non-identical girls, so not the same issue as such; however, whilst I've never dressed them 'identically', I often used to pick out similar clothes, but in different colours for each. Out of sheer laziness.

The twins I know wear the same clothes because 1) they love it and 2) it’s easier for their mum!

Kids love matching. My daughter would wear matching clothes with me if she could!

I don't put much thought into what other people's children wear, singles or multiples....

If parents want to dress twins the same, fine. Different, also fine.

I can also imagine there'd be phases of twins wanting to be dressed the same and wanting to be dressed differently.
I can fully imagine that if my 3yo had a twin, my god he'd want to match because whatever top the other had on would absolutely be the one he wanted too - far easier to have 2 of the same and match than fight that pointless battle every morning - but then I'm a "don't fight the battles that don't matter" kind of mum.

I have B/G twins so didn't dress them alike. They've just headed off to (different) universities now so I'm well past the stage of dressing them

Although the number of times I'm asked if they are identical twins is off the scale..🙄

I'm a non-identical twin with identical twins, I very rarely dressed them the same and largely let them chose as soon as they were old enough to have an opinion. I was always dressed the same as my twin, and personally would have preferred to the opportunity to forge my own identity in a small way from a younger age. Peers tend to group twins as 1 person, or assign innocent but hurtful labels - fat one/thin one, smart one/dumb one etc. Quite easy to disrupt those patterns by allowing each child to develop a clearer identity early on via the very simple self expression of picking their own outfits.

Yes I think that’s true, although I see them every week. The only people who can tell them apart are their parents and grandparents. They do have different characters and one has a slightly narrower face. But it’s hard to tell when there is a gaggle of kids running around the place. In their case they also talk very little which I also think makes it harder. I had twin friends at school and I could tell them apart easily, although I can’t remember if they dressed the same or not.

There were twin girls where I worked who would be wearing the same outfit but in different colours. This made it easier to know who was who as they both responded to each others names too.

The Twins Trust ( was Tamba), have always strongly discouraged it from any age based on their research and advice from clinical psychologists. No one gets 100% my support 100% of the time just because they have twins.

As an identical twin, please let them explore their individuality as they grow older. Be that in their clothes, their activities, or asking them if they want to be in separate classes when they are older at school.

Unless you are an identical I don’t think you can understand the scrutiny you’re put under when you’re around another people. To tell us apart, people search for tiny differences that just doesn’t happen unless you have the same face as someone else.

I agree with other identicals here, you aren’t treated as individuals, more a joint person. A homogeneous blob rather than 2 separate people. In the classroom, you aren’t judged against the metrics of the rest of the class, but each other.

Let them be who they are, don’t shoehorn them both into the same mould. They are just two people who happen to share the same DNA.

And for the love of all that is holy, don’t give them cutesy, matching names. Mine is a nickname of my twin’s (think Elizabeth & Lizzie as an example) and it fucking sucks. Twins invariably share everything else, at least give them their own names!

My general rule is if you don't have twins you don't get an opinion on what a twin mum is doing just to survive - and can fuck right off

Firstly, this with knobs on.

Secondly, with mine I am always mindful of hearing both their voices and trying now that they are verbal to treat them like siblings rather than a set. Especially as one of mine seems more dominant and the other wants an easy life. I’ve also noticed that they have started to define themselves against the other - if one likes dogs the other likes cats for example. So I wouldn’t dress them the same. Different colours of the same jumper or whatever - yes, and very likely given that we tend to buy multipacks.

When they were tiny I did twin them. Carrying, birthing and getting them through the first year was hell on a stick and if I felt more together for leaving the house with them in coordinated outfits, that’s what I did.

I think twins are cute in the same clothes but I totally see the rationale to have them in their own individual clothes. I don’t really know what I would do if I had them but surely it’s each to their own.

Just a note.

Of course, the occasional matching photo is perfectly fine (I even buy Christmas Eve matching PJs for our grown family if we’re all together for the season, started ironically, now asked for even though they’re around 30 lol).

And using identical baby grows from multipacks makes good sense.

But please treat your twins like any other siblings. They are not the same, even if they are the same (if that makes sense). Don’t override their ideas or needs just because you want to do the matchy-matchy thing. It infuriates me as an identical!

Having experience as an ex teacher and volunteering with kids for years, I’ve seen too many identicals being squeezed into the same activities by their parents and it creating conflict, especially if one twin is more dominant that the other.

For all you chemist & physicist parents of identical, think of it this way.

We’re the same element, but we’re different isotopes!

That’s not strictly true. Our family know our children well but of course we aren’t together every day, so sometimes they still mix them up. A lot of their friends and teachers mix them up too. School uniform sucks a bit as they have to dress pretty much the same but I never dress mine the same out side of that. This makes it easier for people to tell them apart and also gives my boys their own individuality. I think if they were dressed the same no one would even bother trying to know which was which. I’m sure it’s different for non identical twins though as they presumable are easier to tell apart!

@Katielovesteatime Would your family look like this if you could...?

@Katielovesteatime
I'm a twin. We don't love matching. Have you read what the actual twins have said on here?

As a twin parent, YABU.

I had to buy two of everything because 90% of the time, from being 18 months onwards, they WANTED to dress the same. And frankly it was nice to avoid a tantrum at 6am when I was trying to get them ready before going to work because twin 1 wanted to wear the t shirt that twin 2 was wearing.

Funnily enough they grew out of it eventually and seemed to have made it to adulthood without any deep psychological trauma relating to their outfits as toddlers.

(also, do you know how hard it is to remember which clothes belong to who when they’re the same size and you’re dealing with endless piles of washing?!)

This thread has largely become an exercise for certain individuals to become highly defensive, and they don't speak for all twin parents,, or twins themselves even though some are very much attempting to.

Any parent can parent the way they want to, but they should accept that dressing twins identically, for both identical and fraternal, has been found to negatively impact them or been assessed that way from experts in the field – do what you want to do, but it is what it is, and therefore is completely reasonable that people do not agree with it.