Twins should not be dressed the same

[Mokel]

My friend has identical twin girls - aged 3, She has never put them in the same clothing. Sometimes when buying a multipack of babygrows, t-shirts - each one wears one of these from the same pack. She is often criticised by people that she should dress them the same. First its none of their business and secondly, they may be identical in appearance but not in personality. People need to treat twins individually.

I'm well aware of these things thanks.

I'm also aware of what actually being a twin parent is.

Not dissimilar to those people who have yet to have kids, but like to comment, "oh, when I have children, they will only eat organic food I've prepared, and won't have TV until they're 10". Yes dear. Actually have a child then pop back and let us know how you know best about something you don't have.

But it's not about you as a parent. It's about the deep impact on the child. We all have aspirations about how we'd like to parent before reality kicks in, but let's face it - the impact of organic v non-organic food on a child is significantly less than the potential for lifelong identity issues.

@LePetitMaman i am curious about what you think of what the twins on this thread have written?

@LePetitMaman No. I’d never interrogate anyone. A close friend had twins and spoke to me about her research. However you cannot shut down opinions based on sound research. Why would I shut down her opinions as not being valid? I did say parents can do as they like.

Are you under the illusion that I'm not aware of the recommendations of separating identities?

Is that it?

@LePetitMaman
You just seem very dismissive of twin's experiences (and quite angry tbh).

Why write your first post to if you're just going to write this second one back pedalling as if you hadn't suggested the things I called you out on? Odd.

Not at all.

But if that's all you can interpret despite what is written then there's not much anyone can do about that.

This! A thousand times this!

I’m a mum now and I appreciate the priority is clean, comfortable, warm clothes on a baby and style goes out the window once they have puked the second time HOWEVER I have quite a few photos of myself as a baby and young child where I do not know which one I am. No clue. Together or separately. have to ask my mum. She won’t always be around to confirm so I have to write “this is me” on the back of photos.

Posed school photos it’s obvious, but candid family snaps - my twin and I have had actual arguments over who we are!

it is a tiny bit de-stabilising to look at family gatherings over the years and not be sure 100% which person is me. It’s frustrating! I’m sure it looked cute for everyone at the time and I can appreciate the temptation to be matchy matchy but it’s weird for me anyway. Its uncomfortable and it makes you long to be your own proper person.

I agree! Not just twins - have seen plenty of sisters dressed the same. It really irks me - no thought to their individuality.

Up to the parents then when old enough the kids!

I've 2 girls 3 years apart and from ages 6-9 they always wanted the same clothes.

My mum was an identical twin, she used to dress very similar to her twin even in her 60's!

I'm an identical twin.
My mom dressed us the same until we were about 10.
We were in the same class throughout primary despite there being two classes per year
Shared a bedroom even though we lived in a massive house with 2 spare rooms.
We were in all the same classes at high school as same intelligence
We went to same brownies, dancing, gymnastics etc.
We studied the same college course as similar interests and we got the same GCSE results
We did the same degree and lived together throughout uni.
Had the same friends due to all of the above.
My sisters head well and truly fell off at age 22 when we got jobs at different places. She has been mentally unstable ever since, on and off medication. In psychiatric units. Will probably never live alone because she cannot deal with life without me. She is distraught and it was like true grief for her not being with me 24/7. 18 years on shes no better. I honestly believe that had we been treated as individuals from birth and split up whenever possible then she would not be going through this now. I tell this to everybody having twins but very few ever listen.

My twins are nine now and I never really dressed them the same. The laundry organisation alone boggles the mind Sometimes they have the same stuff though and decide to do the twin thing. It tends to be short lived though. Lucky our school is pretty flexible so one wears polos and leggings the other is skirt, shirt and cardigan.

@LePetitMaman Ive not backpedaled. You chose to pick and choose what you didn’t like about what I said. That was that parents could choose. However published research is open to all to read.

I definitely didn't.

I addressed your first post.

You then tried to imply you'd meant something different in your second.

only people without twins stress about this stuff. All dc are different. Dd1 spent most of her age 3 year in a rapunzle dress. Dtds used to have similar but different as they were identical so I’d go for matching dress with different tights. I didn’t have time to hunt for 2 dresses I liked equally. Once older they would choose - sometimes dressings the same and other times different. At 13, they have very different styles but dress the same every day … it’s called school uniform. Despite wearing the same, all dc in their classes have managed to develop individual personalities.

What you wear age 0-4 doesn’t decide your personality. My mum dressed me in a lot of tartan. No clue why as I grew up in the south east of England with no Scottish ties.

I agree re clubs and classes - mine had their own class from reception following a similar mh incident with a twin I worked with in a secondary before having dtd. I think individually supporting them is really important. I don’t think fabric choices are the key to that though.

@LePetitMaman I explained in more detail why I took the position I did. You are very boring now.

This is so very sad. Your poor sister and it must be hard for you to see her not coping with life without you.

I do think most twin mums know of this potential scenario, and I'm so sorry to hear it's happened to your sister. It is more on the extreme end of what can happen.

I'm very clear that mine are considered two separate people by others. Shared cards are not ok etc.

However what's best in an ideal world for the child isn't always what the parent can do on a day to day practical sense.

I think, yes, twins can absolutely provide their real lived experience of how certain things felt. But you can't understand what it's like to raise twins. Whilst I feel utterly privileged to have them, there are days where you just have to do what's easiest to get through. And I say this as a mother to singletons too. Who are a walk in the park in comparison.

As parents, we do our best. Well, most of us. And if it means you can actually get out of the house with difficult twin toddlers because it's the only hour that day you can get to the supermarket, then yes, they both get put in the same outfit for sake of ease. Because we'll be stopped by twenty people as we're trying to go round, regardless of what you're wearing, because "oooohhhh twins!" and that's going to make it all time pressured enough.

We definitely know our twins need their individuality. It's how most (not all) thrive. We also need to get through a form of parenting that simply can't be described, only experienced.

Ah, yes, that's it, when you can't justify your back pedalling, it's because "boring".

(This is the bit where you announce you're simply too bored to respond.)

I’m a twin and hated it, because people would buy us exactly the same things all the time,hated being dressed the same too from a very young age!
we’re individuals, we’re different people!!
I’ve got daughters a year apart and never have they been dressed the same nor bought the same things!

Yes but they’re not identical twins so it’s completely different. Identical twins are already often treated as one so it’s really important to let them have their own identity. It’s not the same for siblings where everyone can already tell them apart.
I’ve never dressed my twins the same, if they chose to fine but they never have.

Hell yeah! Mine are 19 now & I still remember the comments! People just open their mouths and let any old rubbish spill out! Ours are b/g but we were still asked, what felt like daily, if they are identical 🙄

DTs had some matching outfits as babies & I sometimes dressed my boys in matching outfits! There’s 2.5 years between my DS’s. Sometimes it’s just easier & as others have said easier to locate a wandering child! DS2 was a terrible wanderer & once we lost him at a huge indoor carnival! Both boys were wearing the same top so no brain wracking to remember what he was wearing & he was soon located by security!

You do what suits your family! Twins are hard when small and you do whatever makes it easier to get through the days!

@MustardPie I'm so sorry. That must be hard.

I had a v similar childhood. My twin is currently having a v hard time and I feel v responsible for her.