Twins should not be dressed the same

[Mokel]

My friend has identical twin girls - aged 3, She has never put them in the same clothing. Sometimes when buying a multipack of babygrows, t-shirts - each one wears one of these from the same pack. She is often criticised by people that she should dress them the same. First its none of their business and secondly, they may be identical in appearance but not in personality. People need to treat twins individually.

But do you realise that you probably argued like cat and dog over what the other had, so actually you weren't getting exactly the same out of laziness or thoughtlessness.

It's because you both had to have one of whatever it was, because you'd argue that what the other had was better if they weren't the same thing. If it's the same, then it's fair.

I smiled so much when a PP wrote how hers shouted "I want a HE has." Because that's having twins in one sentence. Keeping things fair is the key. And when they get older, they understand better. But when they are little, dear god, keep things visually very very very equal.

The lazy, thoughtless thing isn't to buy the same for both, it's to buy one present between twins.

This.

Also, the people that claim they need to be treated as individuals..they are! Their personalities make them individuals. I have twin girls, they're like chalk and cheese but I dressed them the same until they were 5 simply because it was easier than them arguing over clothes.

Imagine nobody knowing your name, ever, because you look exactly like someone else and they don’t know who you are. Sometimes even your parents mistake you for the other one.
Imagine looking in the mirror and you can’t tell if you are looking at yourself or someone else. It seriously fucks with your brain.
Having a really strong sense of who you are is a really important cornerstone to good mental health.
Make sure they at the very least have different hair cuts/styles. The more they wail about their differences , the more insecure their identities are. Resist caving to their insecurities. Build them up.

I'm not sure what the point of this thread is since you say they aren't your twins and how they are dressed is no one's business?

School photos - I’ll lighten it up a bit..
y4 Primary school, day before individual school photos I thought I’d give myself a more unique image change by shaving off an eyebrow with my mum’s bic razor. Eyebrows grow back over night so it would be fine. Got half way through one eyebrow and didn’t like where it was going so just went to bed. Next morning - I’m sat very red faced at my mum’s dressing table whilst she furiously tried to draw my eyebrow back in with her far too dark eyebrow pencil. Disaster.
That school photo of the two of us - to this day - remains one of my mum’s most treasured possessions. Mainly because my sister would always look nervous in our school photos whilst I would be more smiley and it was the most obvious difference. In that one we are both chortling our little heads off with naughty glee at how silly I looked.

The general lack of children's autonomy on this thread is odd. By the age of 2 my twins were absolutely clear about what they would and wouldn't wear. ( and I was quite happy with matching) One hated stripes , the other had really specific colours. If we were out with one spare jumper and it was his twins, the cold twin who needed it would rather freeze to death than put on his brothers jumper. Rather bemused by all the parents who choose exactly what their children wear.

My two girls were very close in age, I too dressed them the same, it was much easier to find matching outfits, then choose something similar.

People have busy lives, they must do the best for their own circumstances and lives, it’s not really anyone else’s business, if they dress the same or not, so long as they are clean and appropriately dressed.

My girls are 3 years apart and used to sometimes choose to dress the same. They did this until they were about 12/9yo.

Amen to this.

Unless twins go on to have twins themselves, they don't seem to have the appreciation of what it is to raise them.

This doesn't mean we, as parents are tone deaf to the importance of individuality. But most days, certainly when little, you do what causes the least arguments between them. The bickering and tantrums of young twins are something else. And constant. Mine successfully argued over who's turn it was to cough for over half an hour. But actually it's not funny when it's neverending "but the red one is better...hers is bigger...I wanted that one...she's got my one..." It's relentless. And it's not about inability to share. It's about age, frustrations, a permanent best friend and a permanent nemesis all in one.

So, here. Both have the same stuffed dog and wear the same red jacket and let's actually leave the house before 10am.

This. My two were screaming blue murder earlier fighting over a scrap of string one of them found somewhere. Each one wants what the other one has, it's exhausting.

I am a twin and we were dressed in matching outfits (boy/girl versions) as babies and very young children. We looked cute 🥰

Surely if you dress them the same you need two of everything, if you dress them differently you only need one wardrobe of clothes they wear between them

So what happens when there's only one pair of soft purple trousers. And the other trousers aren't as soft. And they both prefer the softest pair. And the "bestest most bestest" jumper is the singular one with the fox on it.

Is it that we just need to parent better and explain to them that it's John's turn today and Fred's turn tomorrow.

tell me you haven't got twins, without telling me...

I have no skin in this game, I can't get my one child to wear the clothes he chose. Just pragmatically it would be cheaper to have one interchangeable wardrobe

You've summed it up perfectly! Fellow twin mum of a pair of 7 year olds here!

I dont understand the confusion. One wardrobe of clothes, with double everything.

Needing two of pretty much everything is par for the course with twins. The extension of this to clothes is really a tiny part of the drama.

I have twins (now adults) Never dressed then the same and never referred to them as ‘the twins’. They were and are very different in personality and style. I really don’t understand the comments about it being’easier’ to dress them identically. I’ve never worn the same as my siblings or my husband and I haven’t found that difficult.

It IS tone deaf to assume twins don’t understand how difficult it is to parent twins if they don’t have them. Some twins as parents won’t be able to see past their own noses I’m sure and some will have an acute sensibility. It’s our lived family experience, regardless. Please don’t make generalisations about twins

It's a weird thread OP. Especially as you're speaking on behalf of your friend. Some dress twins the same, some don't - horses for courses. Of course they have their own personalities but I don't think it's an atrocity.

When they're old enough to have an opinion then they can choose - same with all children.

I have twins. They were never dressed the same (apart from school uniform, scouts, karate) Mainly because they have two older brothers so had lots of non matching hand me downs - I wasn't buying a whole new matching wardrobe just for them. Luckily they were never fussed about wanting to wear the same item of clothing.

It's hard enough telling them apart without putting them in the same clothes.

Yes, they're 20 now and I still get them mixed up sometimes. As I tell them - it's their fault for having the same face.

My friend is a twin, non identical and she had identical girls.
As babies / toddlers she didn’t dress them the same as she said it never lasted very long as one would get sick or have poonami and she certainly wasn’t going to change both sets of clothing.
Age 4 or so they decided / demanded to be dressed the same mostly for shits and giggles as they realised no one could tell them apart, except their parents.
Other times when not dressed the same they would swap clothes, again, for shits and giggles to confuse everyone.

She never gave it much thought and would
completely ignore wildly opposing “ advice” people would give as to why it would be better to dress them the same only to be told the next day why it would be better to dress them
different - her usual response would be ‘ clean clothes is a win’

Firstly I didn't say it was tone deaf to comprehend the difficulties of raising twins. I can comprehend the difficulties twins face. As I'm sure you can comprehend the difficulties of parenting them. A comprehension is theoretical knowledge.

What I'm saying is, as parents, we more than hear the case for individuality. It's that unless you raise twins, no matter how you insist you know what it's like because you are one, (sorry, but it's simply a guess from your perspective) you haven't actually experienced it. Yes, your perspective is much more informed, being in a twin family.

Whilst I might have a slightly better understanding of what it's like to be a twin because I'm raising two, I'm not one.

And whilst you might have a slightly better understanding of what it's like to raise twins because you are a twin, you aren't raising them.

You've got no more idea what it's like in my shoes than I have yours.

I dressed my twins identical for a few cute snaps when they were babies but other than that no, especially as they aren't identical. The whole twin thing is a fascination for many and when they were babies I was stopped all the time. They never wished to dress the same either the older they got. I know some identical twins do like dressing the same or similar (say same dress but different colour) but I would always leave that choice to them.

Unless twins go on to have twins themselves, they don't seem to have the appreciation of what it is to raise them.

Unless parents of twins are twins themselves, they don’t seem to have the appreciation of what it is to raise them.

As soon as people start making generalised sweeping statements about parenting it just starts going round in confusing circles or defensive dead ends and nobody benefits.

Neither sentences are true. Thank god for the parents that get it - I’ve thanked you x

What has been most difficult about having twins is the bizarre fixation the world has with them.
Until that first scan I’d never even given thought to having a set. It seems everyone else has though. “If I had twins….”. Yes Sandra but you don’t and likely never will!

The unsolicited, absolutely pointless, advice I have gotten over the years is mind boggling. I’m convinced much of it is rooted in jealousy. Of us as parents and of them as twins. It’s special and people know that however they try to put a negative spin on it.

Twins are different to singletons and attempting to raise them as such is never going to work. When you are born alongside someone else your human experience differs. I’m raising all of my children however I see fit and I’m sure they’ll all have something to tell their Therapists one day.

We have 3 sets of twins in my family. All around the age. Two identical and the other fraternal but had to be confirmed with a DNA test such is their likeness. Funnily enough they often don’t know who’s who when they get together which is fairly often. I hear lots of “who are you?” And it doesn’t seem to offend anyone. I think they just understand that they are twins and have the same faces!

@LePetitMaman ”My neighbour’s sisters aunty Sharon’s postman’s wife had twins in 1935!”. I’ve heard some variation of that a million times over. So funny 😆

@Darkdiamond I have to address what you said. Schools should not have a blanket policy regarding twins. Research shows that the academic outcomes of twins together or separated do not differ and so it should be the choice of them or their families. Id avoid a school that practiced this way because the data is widely available and shouldn’t be overruled by opinion.