Twins should not be dressed the same

[Mokel]

My friend has identical twin girls - aged 3, She has never put them in the same clothing. Sometimes when buying a multipack of babygrows, t-shirts - each one wears one of these from the same pack. She is often criticised by people that she should dress them the same. First its none of their business and secondly, they may be identical in appearance but not in personality. People need to treat twins individually.

It takes a special kind of prat person to tell a parent of twins, how to parent twins, whilst having no fucking idea what it is to be a parent of twins.

I don't have twins, but everyone I know who does dresses them differently. Mind you none of them are identical. Matching clothes for siblings is totally different. The whole psychology of being an identical twin is complex.

I do know that a study was done on identical twins at imperial that pretty much said what you have said about the importance of treating them as individuals, one aspect was dressing them differently.

I have identical twins and never dressed them to match until school uniform required it. I try not to think or speak of them as 'the twins' because they are two different people. They had one stock of clothes from which to dress- still do- and each would have items to which they would gravitate. Trying to do 'different but equivalent ' in everything is quite wearing, though

@LePetitMaman ooh, touchy

Amen🙏

No.

Just little time for fools.

I'm a mirror twin and my mum never dressed me and my sister in matching clothes, even as little girls. She always promoted individuality in us both to the point where she wouldn't even refer to us as twins, nor allow anyone else to.
We were either our names, sisters or the girls.
You may not have been able to tell us apart in looks, but you could in personality.
I liked climbing on anything, my sister preferred dolls.
I'd come out of school with one sock up, one down, coat trailing and my hair all over the place, my sister would come out with both socks up, coat correctly worn and hair still in place.
We came from one, but became two.

I agree op. If I had twins, I’d definitely dress them differently. I also wouldn’t wear a parent/kid same outfit. I think it looks naff so not for me. But equally, it’s not something I give much thought to usually!

@LePetitMaman thank you!! The reality of parenting identical twins is so far from what I thought it would be 😅
I have no say in what they wear, school uniform has been a bloody blessing!
I don’t call them ‘the twins’, I speak to their school about doing the same, I genuinely want them to remember they’re individuals…but I can’t influence two 5 year old girls who want everything the same at all times 😂😂😂

@LePetitMaman - read the comments from twins on here.

Fellow twin mum. Who once got a really nice comment of
"I have twins you'll have a fantastic time, double the love"
the one and only lovely comment that I appreciated.
But these are all the ones that come.
I dress mine in the same tops occasionally but they are b/g. Parents choice every time

Wtf are you talking about?

Are you a twin? Do you have twins?

Then shhhhhh trying to "educate" people that are/do.

We cocreate identities. If you dress twins the same until they have a preference people see them as an entity and that creates 'the twins'. It also normalises it for them. You do get a degree of attention so when you are little it might feel nice (not necessarily for both twins btw) but it isn't useful attention.

BTW the same clothes in different colours is another version of this - this is also a common birthday present issue - as are shared birthday cards....

IMO- dressing them the same is not healthy. They are different people.

The most weird maladjusted girls at DD school were always perfectly identical twins. They were never referred to individually, mother insisted same classes, same everything. They used to count & match bites of food so they would always be the same size.

They were not popular and very immature and self absorbed. Could not be separate in playdate or activity in case they did or ate differently.

Treat them as different people, please.

Someone once came up and told me that the French call boy/girl twins "un cadeau de dieu"

Which means "a gift from God"

And I thought that was rather lovely amongst the sea of "does it run in your family?...rather you than me..."

I don’t see how people are fools when they have friends with twins? We do talk you know! It’s interesting to have different views. It’s not unthinkable to question something. In fact sometimes, as a society, we should question more. Many studies have been done on twins and co-dependency for example. Elderly twins lived together near me and dressed the same in their 80s.

I'm a teacher and in our school twins are always split up and put in different classes, but they have their Playtimes together. I really, really appreciate when they have different hairstyles/bobbles/shoes/coats because when they are running past, there isn't time to have a more careful look at them before shouting their name if you need their attention. I remember a set of twins came to school in matching everything and one of them making a run for something and in that moment I froze up as I didn't know which one it was and had to shout out both their names. It gave me a bit of a shock actually and I encourage parents to differentiate them so I can recognise them quickly.

I have identical twins who have mostly always chosen to dress differently. I dressed them differently as babies because we were handed down a load of baby clothes and there were no doubles of anything in there. It also helped me tell them apart when I was trying to remember who had eaten what or been changed more recently.

They have asked for some matching clothes over the years but not that often, mostly if there is a really cool item - like the pink shirt with the dolphin that they both loved.
I've never really cared if they want to match or not so I can't imagine caring that much about other people doing it- unless the kids don't like it then it doesn't really matter.

Ohhhh, well that's ok, you know someone who's got twins. Yes, that gives you the right to interrogate total strangers as you see fit because they've also got twins.

(Please see my first post, "my friend/cousin/next door neighbour....)

Do you tell your friend how she should dress them?

Off topic a bit, but I know someone with twins and they had had photos done at nursery. When she got the proofs they had only taken ones with them together.

She was a bit surprised, as they are individuals and it's like they are being treated as one (that said perhaps the twins themselves insisted on being together 😂)

@LePetitMaman if you read the thread there are many many comments about the identify issues and problems it can bring in twins. But you don't seem to want to acknowledge that.

For those saying non identical twins don't have this issue about identity - hmmm...
Comparison is massive - possibly even more so with non identitical twins. And to.manage that a strong sense of who you are helps, a lot.

Totally agree!

They certainly are the biggest gift, I take on board fellow twin parents and older twins views. Mine will always have the Luxury of individuality which can't be taken for granted but it's a personal choice as a parent and the twins involved some like to dress the same some do not. It isn't for everyone to form opinions or share there views. My girl loves to wear her brother's clothes and my boy would be happy in her unicorn top. That's not wrong either. Choices are choices.

Worst one I got was actually waiting for an ultrasound and the couple in the corner said. " My worst nightmare would be twins" as I waddled in at 20wks and commented " I'm not due, I'm just living you're worst nightmare" I've never seen someone's face change so quickly
Some comments should be kept for behind closed doors!

Everyday the same would be very weird. Every once in a while, cute.