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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed our babysitter met up with a male friend while taking care of my two children?

252 replies

BMCoffee · 30/09/2024 12:45

22yo regular babysitter apparently met up with her male "best friend" at the park while taking care of my 1yo and 4yo. No permission, and she hasn't told us about it. My 4yo son went on and on about the babysitters friend, giving his name and loads of detail. I've never met this person.

I'm right that this is wrong from a safeguarding perspective, as well as cheeky af to be socialising on paid time, right?!

I told a friend and she didn't see the harm in it..

OP posts:
PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 30/09/2024 12:48

Nope I’m with you - she is being paid to watch your children not socialise. Time and place!! I’d be finding someone else and letting her know why!

TimeForTeaAndG · 30/09/2024 12:51

He wasn't alone with the children, so I don't really see the safeguarding issue. They were in a public place. I don't expect my childminder to ignore everyone around them if she takes DD out and about while in her care. Why does she need permission to stand and chat with a friend while at the park? Would you be as annoyed if it was another woman?

Procrastinates · 30/09/2024 12:52

Of course she can meet up with people. She's looking after your children that doesn't mean she can't interact with other people at all. I don't see why you're so concerned about safeguarding either it's not like she left the children with him.

AutumnTimeForCosy24 · 30/09/2024 12:52

well, it wouldn't bother me.

he met them at the play park & was obviously engaging with DS.

🤷🏻‍♀️

just because 'she didn't mention it' doesn't mean she was hiding it - why would she? Why would she mention it anyway? Let alone ask 'permission'. If you leave your kids with other people, you have to trust them.

lmhj · 30/09/2024 12:53

It wouldn't bother me.

She didn't bring him to the house, do you know if it was arranged or a chance meeting.

Either way I would have no issue with the person I trusted to look after my children chatting to another adult in the park in the presence of my children. I would actually be happier she did introduce them.

PollyDactyl · 30/09/2024 12:54

Odd to be out and about with the children when babysitting though, do the children have late bedtimes?

TimeForTeaAndG · 30/09/2024 12:54

I would also take the fact that your 4yo can tell you all about him as a good thing because it means they must have been chatting with the kids as well, not just telling them to go play and ignoring them.

TimeForTeaAndG · 30/09/2024 12:55

PollyDactyl · 30/09/2024 12:54

Odd to be out and about with the children when babysitting though, do the children have late bedtimes?

Some people use babysitters during the day while at work.

AutumnTimeForCosy24 · 30/09/2024 12:57

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 30/09/2024 12:48

Nope I’m with you - she is being paid to watch your children not socialise. Time and place!! I’d be finding someone else and letting her know why!

Great idea, lose someone you know, that the children like, who is willing to 'babysit' in the day on a Saturday because she took them to the park & met a friend there.

Get someone else you don't know to look after that.

yep, that makes sense

🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

..and 'tell her why' 🙄🙄who is losing out here. Clue, it's not the 22 year old!

SouthLondonMum22 · 30/09/2024 12:57

Babysitter? I’m assuming you aren’t paying her as much as you might pay a childminder or nanny or nursery. It seems like a quite an informal setup so I’m not sure that I’d expect full professional standards.

If you want that, I’d suggest getting a childminder or putting them in nursery.

Tricho · 30/09/2024 13:00

I'd be telling you where to go if I was her.

There's no safeguarding concerns here she took your children to the park and talked to a friend whilst there, clearly engaging your son who frankly seems unbothered and dare I say happy about it.

Babysitting during the day is likely saving you an absolute packet in actual regustered childminder fees, yet you seen to waht actual registered childminder services.

If you do take this to her I hope she cuts ties and leaves you high and dry because frankly you're taking the mick.

Dozycuntlaters · 30/09/2024 13:04

She's a 22 year old baby sitter. How much are you paying her?Anyway, regardless of that, of course you are being unreasonable. She met a mate at the park, it's not like she sneaked him round your house. Safe guarding issue? What? I think you need to give yourself a good talking to otherwise you'll have to look for another baby sitter.

MSLRT · 30/09/2024 13:06

Well I wouldn't like it. You are paying her to have her full attention on your children not to be flirting with some bloke.

TheCatsPaw · 30/09/2024 13:06

If she'd brought the friend into your home I'd have had some sympathy for your viewpoint OP. As it is, your babysitter has done nothing I'd consider a misstep never mind safeguarding concern. You come across as petty with the comment about she shouldn't socialise while being paid, from the detail you gave it sounds that she was doing fun/age appropriate stuff with your kids. So she met a friend who helped, it's a non issue.

BillStickersWillBeProsocuted · 30/09/2024 13:08

Are you getting all your information from the 4 year old? They're not the most reliable sources!

Are you sure he wans't also there with kids? It might have been a random dad that your kids was talking to and deiced was the sitters best friend!

SoMauveMonty · 30/09/2024 13:09

When you described her as a 'babysitter' i assumed she was watching your dcs in the evening/night time (have a teen who does this, so that's probably why i assumed it was that time of day). If it IS in the evening, that's not great but during the day I think that's fine tbh

Reugny · 30/09/2024 13:16

Tricho · 30/09/2024 13:00

I'd be telling you where to go if I was her.

There's no safeguarding concerns here she took your children to the park and talked to a friend whilst there, clearly engaging your son who frankly seems unbothered and dare I say happy about it.

Babysitting during the day is likely saving you an absolute packet in actual regustered childminder fees, yet you seen to waht actual registered childminder services.

If you do take this to her I hope she cuts ties and leaves you high and dry because frankly you're taking the mick.

Edited

To be fair if she engaged a childminder if the childminder is like the ones I used and know, then her children would be talking to other people when in public including shop keepers, bus drivers, refuse collectors, dog owners, OAPs, parents with kids and other childminders. Some of these will be male.

Alicana · 30/09/2024 13:18

I think you’re being a bit weird. Have you never taken your children to the park and bumped into a friend or other parent and had a chat?

I have done this a lot and I’ve never neglected my child when I’ve done this.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 30/09/2024 13:19

met up with or bumped into?

Aquamarine1029 · 30/09/2024 13:22

I would talk to her about it because you need to know where her boundaries lie. If she met this man at the park, does she also think it would be acceptable to bring the children to his home or have him in your home? That's something you need to know and to make clear what your rules are.

I don't think meeting him at a public park is overly concerning, but she absolutely should have told you. She's not walking your dog, she's caring for your kids, and you have the right to know where they are going and who they are meeting with.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/09/2024 13:22

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 30/09/2024 13:19

met up with or bumped into?

This. There's a difference.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 30/09/2024 13:24

In your home safeguarding risk, in a public place is completely different. You didn't say she wasn't allowed to take them out, as long as she kept a close eye on them talking to a friend in the park isn't a risk or a problem.

tillytoodles1 · 30/09/2024 13:27

So she's not allowed to talk to a man in the park while babysitting?

Oreosareawful · 30/09/2024 13:28

Give your head a wobble! She's done nothing wrong. How dare she talk to another person while out...

sundayagainagain · 30/09/2024 13:30

TimeForTeaAndG · 30/09/2024 12:54

I would also take the fact that your 4yo can tell you all about him as a good thing because it means they must have been chatting with the kids as well, not just telling them to go play and ignoring them.

This.