To be annoyed our babysitter met up with a male friend while taking care of my two children?

[BMCoffee]

22yo regular babysitter apparently met up with her male "best friend" at the park while taking care of my 1yo and 4yo. No permission, and she hasn't told us about it. My 4yo son went on and on about the babysitters friend, giving his name and loads of detail. I've never met this person.

I'm right that this is wrong from a safeguarding perspective, as well as cheeky af to be socialising on paid time, right?!

I told a friend and she didn't see the harm in it..

This is really concerning behaviour. You have trusted her and her only to look after your children. Exposing your children to complete strangers is in my opinion a safeguarding issue.

You were also paying her, therefore its work. In a standard workplace, you're not paid to socialise so why should this case be any different? I wouldn't hire this babysitter again and don't let anyone on this forum make you think you're being unreasonable, because you're not.

This sounds like a very casual arrangement, she's met her friend in a public place, the kids have had a nice time - I don't see a problem.

If they bumped it to one another it's different. Pre arranged I would not be happy with.
Given that most people aren't that keen on other people's children, why does this bloke want to spend time with two kids he doesn't know in the park? It ranges from he was really bored and wanted someone to hang out with (you didn't agree to your kids hanging out with him) having a life crisis and needed an ear or he's actually a boyfriend and they are lovestruck and can't bear to be apart (won't have been priorising your kids in either case) or motivation like he's a safeguarding risk of the sort that befriends single mums with kids. I'm suprised at the people saying it's ok because he interacted with the children. OP has a right to know who her children are spending time and interacting with. And if he just 100% wanted to see babsittet but didnmind the kids being thete, well the children shouldn't just be tag alongs to babysitter's socialising.

You can't have a proper catch up chat with a mate with two small children present because of interruptions and having to break off to help them. Unless you just leave the kids to it, which isn't what a babysitter should be doing.
If she doesn't want to take the kids to the park on her own because she finds it too hard or boring she should say so.

She's not employing her, it isn't a workplace, this is just a casual cash in hand scenario.

Children are 'exposed' to strangers all the time at the park, toddler groups, softplay. What's the difference between chatting to someone at a toddler group or getting a coffee at the park?

Completely understandable, but there's a way of going about it. Babysitting is usually done in the home and if I were a babysitter and was to plan any trips out, I would definitely ask permission from the mother first. I wouldn't do it sneakily. I think the dishonesty is what makes this scenario more concerning.

Do you flirt with your male friends? Or think that males and females can't be friends?

YABVU

It was during the daytime and in a public place. It's not as if she sneaked him into your home at night.

What exactly is the issue here? Would you have felt the same way if she'd met a female friend?

Grooming is a thing. Just because they were in public doesn't mean it's not a first step to something else. And young naive girls can get persuaded by their boyfriends to go along with all sorts of things.

Also, men can be blatant with their abuse so being in public isn't a guarantee to safety. Just sit on boyfriend's lap on the park bench...

You need to be looking at registered childminders or a nanny if you are that concerned. Babysitters are cheaper yes, but you can't dictate who they talk to if you are happy for them to take your children outside of the home.

You can't dictate who a childminder sees either and they will definitely be leaving the house and meeting other adults.

Mmmm I thought it through and I would actually not be OK about this. It's a paid work, you don't bring friends on your place of work, do you? The fact she didn't mention it points to the meeting being pre-arranged. I'm sure at 22 this is the kind of thing I would have done without batting an eyelid, but having kids myself today, I wouldn't like the idea of them being introduced to a man I don't know. Not at all, actually. There is nothing sinister here of course, it was a public place and I assume you trust the babysitter, but still, doesn't sit right with me. Completely different to chatting to other mums or babysitters at the park.

Well actually if she's babysitting, yes, I would expect her to say a few words and hello, of course, but then say something along the lines of 'let's catch up soon, I'm watching these kids', and actually watch the kids. Not introduce the children you are responsible for to the friends etc. But maybe I'm OTT as many don't seem to think like I do!

Nicely just ask her to let you know or mention son mentioned your boyfriend, what’s he like? And meet him.

I had similar experience where nanny met a BF for lunch which I did not know about. Daughter cried at bedtime (she was 3-4), she told me there was a man at lunch and he did “loud words” and man said nanny was “liar”and she was scared AND he drank her drink. I asked the nanny and she defo lied about it saying it never happened.

I wish I had asked her in a less accusatory way, so could get better info.

I would have been fine if she asked - but not fine that they were fighting. Fired her shortly after.

That's me told then 😂

I would just ask if you’re concerned. He may just have been a random dad or a chance meet up. If it isn’t and it was pre planned, it is time to discuss ground rules. Meeting in a park wouldn’t set off alarm bells for me. He engaged with the kids but I wouldn’t want this to escalate to him being allowed into a private space with the kids. This protects both children and the guy.

Baby sitting us normally done in your house for a few hours. Is she a child minder...hope you paying her correctly. Bumping into someone in the park I don't see an issue, maybe it pre ranged but they not in your house so you can't stop someone meeting someone. Yabu

Yes I hope the op does the poor baby sitter a favour and lets her find employment with less paranoid idiots. They were in a public place, a play park no less so no I wouldn’t be bothered in the slightest. And she was looking after the children by taking them out in the fresh air to play.

Babysitter or childminder or nanny? If she 'babysits' presumably this is a casual arrangement and as such you're probably not paying her as much as you would a nanny or childminder. In which case, you don't have a contract and you don't have the right to give or withhold permission.
You need to climb down off your high horse.

Why did you put speech marks around "best friend", @BMCoffee ?

Do you think this is her fuck buddy or something and suspect they were behaving inappropriately in front of your kids?

There's nothing in your post that suggests this was a planned meeting. If it wasn't, and she just bumped into a mate in the park whilst out with your kids, she'd be even LESS likely to tell you.

From what you've said in your post, YABVU.

Did she meet up with him or bump in to him?
If she bumped in to him, you wouldn’t expect her to ignore him, so I don’t think she has done anything wrong. Sounds like your child was quite taken with him!

No. She met a male best friend. Where you there ?

If you trust her with your children, you trust that she won’t put your children at risk. She should be allowed to meet up with whoever she wants! It would be different if she was in your house with him but in public is fine!!

The people on this forum realise that this is not a formal child minding setting. It’s a babysitter. She went to the park with the kids and met a friend. She didn’t leave them in anyone else’s’ care - she was just chatting with a friend. It’s completely unreasonable to suggest she put the kids in harms’ way.