To be annoyed our babysitter met up with a male friend while taking care of my two children?

[BMCoffee]

22yo regular babysitter apparently met up with her male "best friend" at the park while taking care of my 1yo and 4yo. No permission, and she hasn't told us about it. My 4yo son went on and on about the babysitters friend, giving his name and loads of detail. I've never met this person.

I'm right that this is wrong from a safeguarding perspective, as well as cheeky af to be socialising on paid time, right?!

I told a friend and she didn't see the harm in it..

Wouldn't bother me at all, and I think this is a rather ridiculous stance. She's probably better off not doing any childcare for you.

Doesn’t mean the vast majority of men are sex offenders though, does it.

I am with you OP - I wouldn't be ok with this. She's not paid to socialise. Fine if she bumped into him but not a pre-arranged meetup. Some people seem terribly naive to the dangers of letting your young children spend time with a young male that's totally unknown to you. Can you guarantee if the 4 year old needed a wee that the babysitter would take the one year old and go with him to the toilet, even if the 'male best friend' that she presumably trusts said 'don't worry I'll take him'? Far far too easy for boundaries to be pushed and they are your children and you weren't given the choice.

I wouldn't want my baby sitter/child minder introducing my very young kids to some guy I don't know, without even ok'ing it either, op.

Totally aside from safe guarding, I'm also wondering how focused and engaged she could be on them while chatting to her male "friend".

If she's being paid she should go her job and do her socialising on her own tine.

But that's not what you commented on, is it?

You commented on whether op would feel the same about a female friend ..... And the answer is completely obvious because "not all men but always male".

Who said she was flirting? The OP said it was her male best friend....would you have accused her of flirting if she'd met up with her female best friend?
My son considers his female best friend to be his sister....and has never had any interest in flirting with her!

The fact that you've mentioned her age implies it's an informal set up rather than a business arrangement so I'm guessing you're paying cash in hand etc. Family friend maybe? So I'm guessing no insurance etc. If I've got that wrong then fair enough.
If you want a proper arrangement then get a childminder with insurance and a contract. But you will pay more for this.

So if she takes your kids to a park and bumps into a friend has she to ignore them?
How much do you pay your babysitter?

When the children were young our nanny took them to meet a friend of hers in a pub (Wetherspoons) after telling us she was taking them (by herself) to Pizza Express for lunch. When we raised this with her she resigned two days later leaving us in the lurch.

Exactly, we don’t even know if the babysitter is heterosexual!!

This is peak mumsnet though, chatting to a friend in the park (something I think most of us have done), has turned into flirting, ignoring the children, a safeguarding issue despite being in a public space and the carer there at all times, drug dealing in the park with either her dealer or the guy she smokes with (seriously wtf?!). Maybe they were drinking too and dogging in the bushes? It makes me wonder where people live where all this sounds like a reasonably common occurrence.

So if she met a 35 year old female mate in the park, would that be different?

Why do people insist on acting like men and women pose equal threat to children? They don't.

You cannot be serious OP?

Children meeting people and interacting with them is good for them.

If I was the babysitter and you challenged me about this, I would tell you get stuffed.

I'd let this one go.

But that’s basically my question. Is she worried about the threat that a man unknown make poses or that the babysitter isn’t paid to socialise

You are paying for her time to watch the children not socialise, it’s inappropriate. I do question your use of a babysitter instead of a childminder or nursery though; you will get more professional service from a registered CM or nursery.

Absolutely not on. She is at work. Not going on dates.

It kind of sounds like they had a nice time? That the friend was interested in chatting with the kids, doesn't seem like the babysitter was off socialising, but that a friend came to join in their fun? Maybe the question is if you trust the babysitter or not. When I regularly babysat a 2 yo in my 20s, I'd have him for ten hour stretches. We'd always go out and about, sometimes meet people, sometimes not. It was great for the little one interacting with different people. I adored that kid and wouldn't have ever put him in harm's way/left him alone. I went to great efforts teaching him songs and encouraging new skills. I definitely wouldn't have appreciated being thought of as cheeky for meeting a friend while working, esp as the child was always my prime concern.

She wasn’t on a date. She met up with a friend.

As per previous posters, bumped into someone she knows at the park quite different from arranging to meet up with a friend. Which was it?

It’s work, right? Wherever you work, it’s unlikely you would have to completely ignore anyone you knew socially if you bumped into them during your work hours, but you wouldn’t arrange to meet them during your shift. It doesn’t matter how much you’re being paid or what kind of contract you’re on.

Have you brought it up? ‘Sam mentioned you saw your friend John at the playground on Saturday. Does he babysit too?’

In my eyes there’s a big difference between her planning to meet up with him or her bumping into him at the park.

I would have issues with the first one but not the second and it’s not clear from your post whether you have established which one it is. You use the term ‘met up’ but has she actually told you she planned this?

I think YABU
If you ask your young babysitter to take your kids out in public.. she may see people she knows. What's she supposed to do? Avoid everyone and just stare at the kids?
It's a public space.
It would be very different if she invited him round your home.. or even if she spent the entire time babysitting with him so it was like he was caring for the kids too. I could see being upset then..
But just meeting up in a park for an hour?
That's fine imo. As long as she was still watching the kids.

It would have been polite to have mentioned her intentions but I would be happy for them to take the kids out to the park and its obvious from what your child has said that the outing was about the kids and not the adults.

If you trust someone with your children, then you should trust their judgement or you shouldn't be leaving your kids with them - end of! It really depends how you define "Babysitter", this implies its not a professional, so have you had them vetted and checked? I suspect not. You are being a bit contradictory. Did you set ground rules or set activities for the day or just leave it to her?

Are there any other issues with the babysitter? I wouldn't get on my high horse about it, if it really bothers you so much, set some ground rules, but risk losing your babysitter if you get this out of perspective.

Obviously if the babysitter was taking them to an adult event only to facilitate meeting her friend, that is wrong, she is being paid to watch the kids. But that is not the case.

And as for those saying that child abusers are mainly male, they are also usually related to the family!

I can't see the issue here. What if she simply bumps into a friend at the park? Is she supposed to ignore them?
If she'd invited him round to your house then I'd have an issue if she hadn't asked permission first but not at the park!

Children meeting people and interacting with them is good for them.

If you'd read the posts by a police officer who works in the area of CSA saying how many streets in this country have a sex offender on them, I doubt you'd be saying that.

The naivety