To be annoyed our babysitter met up with a male friend while taking care of my two children?

[BMCoffee]

22yo regular babysitter apparently met up with her male "best friend" at the park while taking care of my 1yo and 4yo. No permission, and she hasn't told us about it. My 4yo son went on and on about the babysitters friend, giving his name and loads of detail. I've never met this person.

I'm right that this is wrong from a safeguarding perspective, as well as cheeky af to be socialising on paid time, right?!

I told a friend and she didn't see the harm in it..

So we must keep anyone with a penis away from children, just in case? Honestly pathetic.

YANBU - unless he also has kids/was babysitting it sounds like a prearranged meeting? Apart from anything else, a 1 year old in particular needs constant supervision at the playground so I'd be concerned she wasn't focussed enough on the kids if she's arranging to meet friends there. I'd be fine with my nanny taking my son to meet up with nanny friends of hers with similar aged kids, on occasion. Not fine with her meeting other friends of hers while she's at work.

Yes it is pathetic .... Of men.

Babysitters sit babies at your house. They don't take them to parks. You are saying 'babysitter', but she is a nanny, really. Hire a professional nanny to avoid things like that.

Oh dear. I’m afraid this says much more about you than anything. I hope you don’t have sons.

Her best friend sounds like he engaged with your son who obviously liked him. I really can't see the problem with this. An extra pair of hands and eyes to look out for them can only be good. I often meet up with friends at the playground when I'm babysitting my grandchildren. This doesn't mean that I can't watch them 100% of the time and give the swing a push whilst I'm chatting. If you don't trust her to look after them, then that's a different thing. Find yourself another babysitter.

I'm going with YABU purely because you've opted for a (presumably cheaper) unregistered unqualified babysitter when you should be using a childminder so you get what you pay for ! Childminders have to attend first aid & safeguarding training, get DBS for all adults in the household and follow the early years framework. a babysitter is someone who watches your kids in your own home.

If he didn't have kids with him too, then it's a bit weird to go along to a kids' playground pre-arranged or not imo.

I don't know any males, parents or non-parents, that wouldn't raise an eyebrow at the idea of sauntering down to a kids' play park without any kids in tow.

if he was there with kids then you can't really tell someone it's not okay to speak to someone else who also happened to be somewhere in public the same time.

You don't know who the poster works for or has worked for.

I personally think that it is good my DD did meet people in the community when pre-school and I know there are dodgy people around due to who I played sport with and worked with. (Some "interesting" local places were closed down just before she was born.) She knew as well not to talk to strangers from a young age if on her own. So it led to some interesting situations if she went ahead of me.

Sounds like your children had a nice time since the 4 year old is telling you all about him. Being with children is lovely but it can feel long and meeting a friend is refreshing and harmless. Doesn't sound like your children were neglected so she was still doing her job. Sounds perfect.

The 22 year old clearly has no qualifications and insurance plus is being paid cash in hand hence the word baby sitter.

I don't see the problem she met him at the park what's wrong with that?

Are you ok? It can’t be healthy to hate all men or see them as enemies.

I don't have a particular problem with this but I do think the babysitter should have mentioned it to you, as in saying she met her friend X at the park, giving a few details about him, and saying hope that was OK etc.b

I don’t think you should turn a paid gig into social time. Wouldn’t be impressed and wouldn’t use her again.

I agree. If she was wanting to bring him into your home that would be different but in the park, it doesn't matter. It's normal.

You are expecting her to know about safe guarding. Is she trained in safe guarding?

If not how is she supposed to know?

If yes, I would assume she took the necessary precautions and was there with the children at all times...........

Otherwise why are you letting a young adult you don't trust care for your young children?

So you've taken your 4 year-olds word that this was a prearranged meet and not that she just ran into someone she knew at the park? Why not speak to the actual babysitter about this before you decide how unacceptable it is? Also, FYI the words babysitter, nanny and childminder tend to have specific meanings in the UK and a babysitter here is generally someone who comes to your home when you are going out in the evening and your children are home/asleep. If you are employing someone during the day to interact with your children and take them out then they would usually be called a nanny.

My nannies have always kept me in the loop about who they bumped into with my dc and sometimes if they planned to meet a nanny friend (separate from organised play dates which they also told me about in detail - who / what / where). I had very experienced Nannies who had obviously learnt the hard way that if they didn’t mention it, the children or nosey neighbours or friends would.

I think your sitter should mention it.

It wouldn't bother me from a safeguarding perspective but she should ask permission while she's working.

Babysitting in the afternoon, taking them to the park and chatting with a friend - as long as there’s no implication she’s ignoring your child in favour of socialising - sounds fine to me.

Babysitting is an ad hoc gig, not something trained professionals do. Standards are different, expectations (and wages). Chatting with a friend at the park feels reasonable in that context.

I think if you wish to micromanage every interaction your children have in a public place, you should look after them yourself.
Failing that, ask the cut price nanny babysitter to keep them in your home alone whilst they are in her care

Would you be happy with her meeting a female friend?
What if she met with a parent or another babysitter and kids played together?
Do you trust her not to leave kids alone with her friends or not to get distracted?

It's ok to say you don't want her to meet friends whilst with kids but it would be strange to specify gender.

Or you could ask her to check with you/let you know.

When I was a child minder I regularly meet with friends and their kids, other childminders and even my family. They were not tobe left alone with other people but I wouldn't have been dictated to as to how I spend my time working.

So, you're saving yourself £££s by hiring a babysitter instead of a nanny. Asking her to take the kids to the park, like a nanny, and demanding she not speak to anyone whilst there without asking your "permission" beforehand.

Then with your use of "best friend", you are accusing her of what exactly?

How about you ask the babysitter, instead of making assumptions and accusations based on the level of understanding of a four year old.

If I was her, and as a couple of PPs have already said, I also would tell you to keep your cash and you can look after your own kids.

I'd be finding another job if I were her. Complete overreaction by OP.