To be annoyed our babysitter met up with a male friend while taking care of my two children?

[BMCoffee]

22yo regular babysitter apparently met up with her male "best friend" at the park while taking care of my 1yo and 4yo. No permission, and she hasn't told us about it. My 4yo son went on and on about the babysitters friend, giving his name and loads of detail. I've never met this person.

I'm right that this is wrong from a safeguarding perspective, as well as cheeky af to be socialising on paid time, right?!

I told a friend and she didn't see the harm in it..

I agree.

This.

Is this an occasional arrangement, op, or more regular than that?

Flirting with some bloke? She met up with a friend. What’s wrong with you?

For me there's a line between babysitter and qualified childcarer/nanny. I would expect a childcarer/nanny to have some sort of plan for the time they are with the children, and include directly playing with them, some sort of learning activity etc. With a babysitter I would have lower expectations, but would still expect them to keep the child safe. I can see why you would be worried she met up with a stranger (to you), but this wouldn't be an immediate concern to me, as it was a public place and your child told you all about it, so obviously hadn't been told to keep it a secret. Did she plan to meet her friend there or did they just bump into each other? Is the babysitter DBS checked, or it more of a casual arrangement? In any case, it's fine to set your own boundaries and be clear with the babysitter, in advance, of what these are.

Would you also be annoyed if she'd met up with a female friend?

Yup I’m another who thinks you’re over reacting. Honestly if you think this is what safeguarding is god help is.
If this was my 22 year old I’d be telling her to sack you for accusing her of being a cf, obviously having no trust in an already regular relationship with you and your children.
Do your own babysitting in future for the same wage your paying her.

When my DC were 3 and 1 we engaged a temporary nanny through an agency when our nanny broke her leg. When I got home on her 2nd day my three year old DD told me they had been to the nanny's house for lunch with the nanny's boyfriend and that they had watched TV in the sitting room while the nanny and the boyfriend had had a lie down in the bedroom because they were very tired!
Needless to say, she was sacked that evening and I refused to pay the agency's fee.
I think the young woman had not appreciated that my DD's language skills were really advanced for her age and had thought she could get away with it, not realising she would be grassed up by a 3 year old. My DD hadn't understood what was going on but clearly thought it was odd behaviour, not least because she didn't normally watch TV.

It's not a safeguarding issue - she was in a play park - there will have been many other strangers there - and I presume she isn't banned from talking to people in the park?

I wouldl actually hope and expect that a childminder/ nanny who regularly was taking kids to the park might have friends they met there - as it makes it more interesting for the adult just as when a parent takes children.

I wouldn't like it. If I hired a baby sitter then I'd expect them to stay put at the home and I wouldn't allow them to bring guests over.

If you had a nanny they would meet up with other nannies while looking after your children. I used to run a playgroup and nannies would come and chat with other adults while the kids played. It's completely normal.

So you expect this 22 year old who by the OPs own admission babysits her two young children regularly to stay at home the whole time she's looking after the children?

Heaven forbid the children get any fresh air or exercise

Yeah, instead of getting exercise and fresh air in the park. Batshit crazy.

There's a difference in bumping into someone and having a chin wag for a short period vs arranging a meet up and taking your kids with her. Could be a friend, could be a bf, could be a dealer (certainly around mine parks are full of them), could be a friend she smokes with - but she should have told you, not your son. Kids can get grabbed at a park, and when out and about so anyone taking them outside needs to give them full attention. Hard to do if you've organised a meet up with someone who isn't invested in looking after your child.

I'd get more information from her and use your gut on whether it was an innocent meet up or a pre-organised meet. Babysitters may be hard to come by but doesn't automatically make all of them a safe/valid choice of carer for your child.

No but the majority of abusers are by far male so your comment is silly.

This is different to the OP's scenario.

I guess when 98% of sex offenders are female and not male, that question will become relevant.

How do you know he was not alone? Presumably the 1 year old wouldn’t be able to say so.
babysitter is unreliable and getting paid to meet her mate! No thanks

Fresh air and exercise? From a babysitter? If you are relying on paying someone to provide something as important as fresh air and exercise then you need a childminder or a nanny. Babysitting is for short burst of time.

Agree with op

She needs eyes in the back of her head with kids of that age

It's not a safeguarding issue - she was in a play park - there will have been many other strangers there

A. I've been in empty playparks many many times.

And you shouldn't have to rely on strangers to watch out for your very young kids, strangers who don't know that a male who's who's with your kids is a total stranger to your kids. They'd probably assume he was related to them.

B. Safe guarding is not an "in that instant" thing, it's an ongoing thing. Most abuse doesn't happen out of the blue, on the first occasion, with no grooming or familiarity.

I came to say this. FFS. Would that poster be so outraged if the friend was female? No.

No way would I be okay with this! Esp since she didn’t mention it beforehand.
I wouldn’t be okay if she met anyone while caring for my kids, her attention needs to be on them not other people

Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realise you were there.

And why would she be?!

Ars you another person who is bizarrely oblivious to the fact that the vast majority of child sex abuse is perpetrated by males??