Should I pay boyfriend back

[Gymnasticsalltheway]

Hello,

I am in a new relationship with a man since being single for many years. We have only been going out for a couple of months. Unfortunately, things have been tense since the company he worked for closed down and now he is out of employment. Due to this, most of our dates have been at his house (he can't come to my house as I flat share) and I have bought him little things here and there (not expensive just bits of foods) to help him get by.

Last week, he asked me to come to his flat again. This time I told him "no" as I was tired of making the trip all the way to his and if he could come meet me near where I am and we can go out somewhere (nothing expensive). He said "ok" but I didn't sound keen. Anyway, when the day arrived, I didn't hear from him and thought I'll just leave him be as he probably was worried about the cost of travel and didn't want to impose anything of him-so I let it be.

Later that evening, I went on a work event and my phone just kept ringing and ringing and it was DP. He asked me where I was and that I had promised to go to his and that he has brought food for me. I told him that nothing was confirmed that it was me that I was expecting to hear but left it. He then accused me of cheating and lying about where I was.

Later on, he then sent me a screenshot of a receipt of food that he bought for me (costing £20.00). I called him back and asked what this was for and he said that he wanted me to pay him back for the food he bought. I told him "No way", especially since I have bought him things here and there and haven't asked him to pay me back. He then got upset and said that he is expecting me to pay him back either way, accused me of cheating and got a bit angry over the phone.

Can I ask? AIBU, should I pay him back. I expect that there was miscommunication on both sides. But should I pay him back just to keep the peace. Interested to hear anyone's thoughts.

I think it’s sad that you can’t see what the issues are, he is taking advantage of you.

People are saying you should dump him because:

• You are having to sub him often/pay for things here and there
• You clearly said “no” to going to his house one night, no proper plan was made, and then he got arsey with you for not turning up, despite you saying you weren’t going
• Between the pair of you, you don’t seem to be able to make proper plans/organise things. The whole “when the day arrived I didn’t hear from him, so I decided to leave him be and go to a work event instead” seems very juvenile and frustrating. Can’t you talk to each other properly and make proper plans?
• You tell him you’re not going to his, he buys food anyway and then demands you pay for it.

OP, it sounds like he’s a huge, childish waste of space and I can’t believe you can’t see that.

What are you on about @yousexybugger

She didn't go awol, she waited for him to contact her about where to meet up, he didn't. Eventually she was out of time and had to go to her work, where she then could not answer the phone or return his call.

He knew damn well what the plan was, he waited until she was at work and couldn't answer/return his call, to start calling her!

There was zero attempt on his part to confirm or sort out arrangements, until after the opportunity to meet up was over.

It often is really not possible to answer personal calls at a work event, especially if you are involved in presentations!

@Gymnasticsalltheway Pay him the £10 (not because you owe him, but because he is a petty twat) then BLOCK him and never speak to him again.

At least he's shown his colours just a couple of months in.

Have better standards. You should dump him as a) the minute you don't do what he wants he gets angry, accuses you of cheating and being a liar b) you can do better than someone who takes his stress and issues out in you and expects you to do all the running around. He's lazy.

I get that you want to settle down and have a family but pick the right person, don't settle for this waste of space.

Alright, I read work event as an optional evening thing.

@Gymnasticsalltheway

1. He accused you of cheating
2. arrangements hadn't been finally agreed on but you said to meet near you instead of his - does he not listen to you? Why do you always have to go to his and is he too lazy to go to your place?
3. he bought food without agreeing arrangements

I would dump him for the cheating accusations for a start

Unbelievable that people are suggesting you give this twat 20 quid.
Block and never given him a single thought again.

Maybe split the difference, then split for good.

Er yes? Massively.

1. You told him you did not want to go there. He ignored it because it is easier for him if you go to him
2. You were waiting to hear from him. He did not reach out until very late on.
3. He immediately accused you of cheating on him because you did not go over.
4. He is so cheap that he wants you to pay for food that you did not ask him to buy.

Is that clear enough? Either you are very naive, or this is a fake post.

Is this one of 'those' threads?

Absolutely I can’t even begin to understand anyone telling her to pay him.

Why???

yeah, you are missing some massive red flags!

Because it’s only been 2 months and he sounds like a knob?

Omg!! PLEASE DO NOT THINK ABOUT HAVING BABIES WITH THIS MAN!! Stop making excuses for him - he's tight and controlling! 🚩🚩🚩🚩

Why not? Are you seriously suggesting you’re going to carry on this toxic relationship?

You could be me when I met my ex. Started out just like this. Too far to come to mine so didn't turn up, constant calls when I was at work and out, etc. I didn't have mumsnet or the advice of all these sensible women here back in those days. He became abusive and controlling over time. Subtly. Nothing physical to start with but I wasn't aware what it was. Gave the benefit of the doubt. Ended up 11 years later with my DC, having to move out / escape while he was at work and involve the police. I'm still having counselling for the cptsd now, years on. He started off lovely, everyone thought he was lovely. I was colour blind to the red flags. Don't be me OP it's not worth it and there's much better out there. Please let this one go

Transfer him a tenner, block and run for the hills!

Block and dump. He knew you didn’t arrange to go to his and is now gaslighting you. He has made no effort to meet you half way and share the travel, an expense for you. He is now demanding £20 ffs. He is not your partner he’s someone you have been seeing

Because his behaviour is giving lots of red flags.

1. You told him you wanted to meet up and go out to eat. You didn’t hear from him after so assumed that plan was cancelled. He then decides, without any discussion or agreement with you, that you are coming over to his AGAIN, despite you telling him you didn’t want to 🚩

2. He goes out and buys a bit of cheap food (that he can easily eat himself another day), for an evening at his that he never even asked you about? So you had no idea you were even expected over there because you hadn’t agreed to it. He chose to go and buy that food, knowing you’d hadn’t agreed nor planned to go to his 🚩

3. He then persistently rings you (after being quiet on you for a few days), and when you explain you’re out and hadn’t agreed to coming over, he accuses you of cheating on him and being a liar 🚩🚩

4. He then has the audacity to ask you to compensate him for food you never asked for nor expected, quickly forgetting the times you’ve helped him out financially with bits 🚩

5. He’s then blocked you and refuses to discuss it further 🚩

You wanted him to make more effort. He didn’t. He expected you to come to his AGAIN (without even telling you). So you’re the one always making the effort.

This man then tried to gaslight you into believing you owed him money, for something you never asked for, nor expected.

When he found out you’d gone out with friends/colleagues, his first thought was to accuse you of cheating. So he sounds quite insecure.

That is why people are telling you to dump him. Because he sounds like a twat.

Don’t settle with someone who isn’t meeting your needs, just because you’re yearning to settle down.

Simple he is controling and will get worse believe me i've been there

Really? Have you lost all self respect OP?

There really are a lot of mugs on this thread saying they would pay.

Erm no.

Yes you are mad not to dump him.

He accused you of cheating wants money for food he’s batshit, imagine what he would be like long term yuk