Partner won’t marry me

[Everythingwillbeokk]

Partner simply refuses to marry me. He is divorced, has 2 kids. I have never been married, also have 2 kids.

Together for 5 years, lived together for 3. I’ve made it clear I want marriage and commitment, he has made it clear he doesn’t - states he only ever wanted to get married once and it didn’t work out

He also refuses to commit to buying a house together and states it is because he wants only his children to benefit from his estate when he dies. I contribute to his mortgage and when I have really pushed the ‘if you died tomorrow what would you expect?’ He has literally said he would want me to continue paying the entire mortgage and if/when I sell then the entire equity falls to his children - I have told him this will therefore leave me in a position where I will potentially be homeless and elderly. Also he has a good pension set up, again he would not want me to benefit from this in the event of his death.

So I’ve given him an ultimatum - I’ve told him that if there’s no marriage, no commitment in any way, house purchase etc - then I am leaving. I have also started looking at rentals/smaller houses I can buy (I have a small deposit and a good income, I actually earn more than him)

Please someone tell me I am not BU 😓

You put that so much nicer than I could have. I hadn't gotten to your post yet and was already planning my "banning" so I could go off on the ugly being posted.

Thank you for keeping me from getting kicked. It would be nice if MNHQ would be as quick to ban the bullies as they are to ban the defenders of the bullied.

YEA!!!! Congratulations! I'm so happy for you!

Not much worth having is easy, but it does make life sweeter when you come into your own and give yourself happiness!

Keeping my fingers crossed for the house, OP. You deserve it.
I can’t believe people think it’s okay to exploit others just so that their own children can get something.

Surely the response is ‘I don’t have anything to say that hasn’t already been discussed. You’ve made your feelings clear - as have I’.
’Reluctantly agreed I can leave’ sorry what the actual fuck? Are you a hostage or a girlfriend?

Sorry, I've read OP's posts and can't see the word "will" mentioned anywhere. He's made verbal assertions about future benefits to her in the event of his death, as people are wont to do in order to persuade others to do things for them, and which they have no intention of honouring.

Oh bore off.... op is not getting a good deal at all.

I don't get women like you. What is the deal,with all this breadcrumb misogyny and misogynist sympathising on this thread!

Op youre doing amazing, ignore the haters. Either men or cockpecked women who think accepting crumbs is acceptable and should've grateful

Edited out as I lost the quote I wanted to reply to.

I agree with you. Your kids will be fine. I am betting there was an undercurrent of tension in the home for quite a while, and they will be relieved to not have to try and pretend it wasn't there or slough it off as NBD.

You sound like an excellent Mom and you three will be fine.

Please take him off the car insurance, get your valuables to your Mom's/into storage, before dickhead absconds with them, and I hope you soon find a place to live. Or squeeze into Mom's. I don't trust the dickhead at all. Please stay safe.

The OP wrote, amongst other things, at around 6.00am this morning:
"In terms of him expecting me to pay the mortgage on his death - he has said (but never proven I will add), that his Will states I have a lifetime interest in the property, and that I would be paying the mortgage to continue to live there - he said ‘you would be paying rent anyway’ - one I have always been clear on (as much as his view on marriage) is that I need to be an owner or joint owner of a property and actually the idiot has very clearly failed to realise he would have been in a far better financial position, with a better home for his children had he done that with me"

Is there any chance you can view the property sooner then ' later this week '

where I live rentals can be gone within hours.

edited to add - or is it the agent that is doing the viewings later this week, and you will be one of the first over the doorstep.

I think they are trolling op. Or haven't read how mean and nasty he is in other ways, apart from this.

Whoever thinks this is a Good deal for op and her children abd is basis of a loving relationship... I feel sorry for. Need to set Barr higher for themselves.

Especially how much op spends and cleans. I mean that in itself is reason to leave.

Yes, I was wondering that, I think that's a really good idea, @Everythingwillbeokk.

Agree, he’s not being generous in the slightest. He’s leaving her high and dry while she finances an asset he couldn’t finance on his own. In what world is that fair? She’s supposed to be a family member if they live together and she cares for his children. Yet this selfish fuck thinks it’s fine for his life partner to pay and pay but get nothing while he and his kids sit back and watch the coins roll in. This is a demonstration of how some people think they are unselfish for caring about their own children but are happy to fuck others over in the process. That’s not unselfishness- it’s just narcissism transferred to benefiting your children rather than just yourself.

Hopefully no other woman will be wanting to move in with this catch. Can’t say I’d be enticed really.

I would too. They get snapped up so quickly and a single mum with kids won’t be at the top of the ideal tenant list. Try to sweet talk your way into an early viewing today if you can and offer to rent on the spot if you like it. Otherwise someone else will get it.

On this thread some people have really low bar as think she is on to a good thing. It's unbelievable some of the responses, they've made me really mad on behalf of op haha. She seems super resilient, resourceful and hopefully will be like water off a ducks back though.

There seems to be men trickling in with the misogyny too.

""ACCEPT THE BREADCRUMBS I OFFER WOMAN. IT IS SAGOOD DEAL TO PROVIDE FOR ME AND MY CHILDREN IN ALL WAYS, FUNDING MY CAR, MY MORTGAGE AND PAYING MY BILLS. DOING ALL COOKING AND CLEANING. WHILST LEAVING YOU WITH NO STABILITY. NOR YOUR CHILDREN. WHY ARENT YOU WORSHIPPING ME"

What is wrong with some of these people on this thread.

He still thinks he's in control. He's stressed at work and at home. It's not good. I can't help thinking this will put more pressure on you and given the circumstances, it would be better for you to be out of there as soon as possible, even if it means having to camp at mum's or find a short-term place through friends or contacts. Which area of the country are you in - there might be people here or on facebook who could give you leads to something local?

Reluctantly agreeing to you leaving...WTF?
Does he think you were an indentured servant?
Twat.
I'll bet he is worried at the thought of parenting his children.
OP, many is the man who has proposed rather than face childcare.
Don't be that mug again.

Thank you! So odd, I filtered OP's posts but somehow missed this even though I started from most recent and worked back til I reached the old ones I recognised.

Yes but if there's a tenant occupying the house they have to give the minimum required notice and make arrangements for an agreed viewing time.

He was hoping his sulk mode would draw you back in to make things alright again for him.

He thinks he knows you. He doesn't - but you certainly know him now.

Keep going OP - the only way from here is UP!

The tears are coming. It should give enough Ick to see you through the love bombing. Good luck OP.

Fingers crossed you get the property!

Sounds like he might regret it now though.

Good luck. Good luck. Good luck!!!! Let us know. About the house. I have all my fingers and toes crossed for you! Xxx

I'm sure he'll find someone else willing to bank roll him, they always do.