Partner won’t marry me

[Everythingwillbeokk]

Partner simply refuses to marry me. He is divorced, has 2 kids. I have never been married, also have 2 kids.

Together for 5 years, lived together for 3. I’ve made it clear I want marriage and commitment, he has made it clear he doesn’t - states he only ever wanted to get married once and it didn’t work out

He also refuses to commit to buying a house together and states it is because he wants only his children to benefit from his estate when he dies. I contribute to his mortgage and when I have really pushed the ‘if you died tomorrow what would you expect?’ He has literally said he would want me to continue paying the entire mortgage and if/when I sell then the entire equity falls to his children - I have told him this will therefore leave me in a position where I will potentially be homeless and elderly. Also he has a good pension set up, again he would not want me to benefit from this in the event of his death.

So I’ve given him an ultimatum - I’ve told him that if there’s no marriage, no commitment in any way, house purchase etc - then I am leaving. I have also started looking at rentals/smaller houses I can buy (I have a small deposit and a good income, I actually earn more than him)

Please someone tell me I am not BU 😓

@Everythingwillbeokk wow his mask slipped quite quickly!!

Watch out for him backtracking when he realises he's shot himself in the foot, or shat his own nest as @Fob nan would have said. He might use the dc to make you feel guilty or even spring that proposal on you...

It does.

They’ve already split.

Definitely a deal breaker. Especially if he is expecting you to pay the mortgage, you are not and will not benefit from this at all.

@Naunet not sure what your personal beef is but lay off it would you. You are coming across as a bit of a bully

Really unbelievable OP that you are paying more but could be left homeless.

Thank goodness you have finally woken up.
This really is an unbelievable read.

Why? Why would you do that when it's been clear from the start that he was never going to have a true 50/50 relationship with you? Why on earth have you financially supported his kids? You are not even their stepmother and you've been spending money on his kids that should have gone towards your own. That doesn't make you generous, it makes you a mug.

I love you!!!
Well done for laying down the line and sticking to it. You are not a free nurse, free housekeeper or free lover.
Marriage exists for a reason.
To protect you in old age.

Thank you!! I didn't realise that I could do that! You are kind.

I don't understand some of the responses here OP. I think some folk are not reading all your posts.

As far as I can tell, the only thing you've done 'wrong' is be a perfectly reasonable and decent partner to a bloke that does simply does not deserve you. It very much reads as though he has been taking huge advantage of you - in more ways than one.

He'll have to find an alternative way (or person - this is what they do isn't it!), to now fund a lifestyle he can't afford on his own, do all of his own housework, and solo parent his own children. Will be a big shock for him! No doubt the regret, apologies and back-tracking of some sort may start soon enough.

I wish you all the best with finding yourself a new home and moving on with your life. 🌺

Given how he is now behaving, clearly you are doing the right thing. Well done!

This.

It isn’t ’the right thing to do’ to financially provide for him and his children. It’s being a fool.

All I’ve done is point out where you’ve made inaccurate comments because you didn’t read OPs posts properly. I’m sorry if you see that as bullying.

Ignore the crazy answers OP, it sounds like you're being very sensible.

Re airbnbs, you can usually message the owners before you book anything and so you could ask if they would offer a significant discount for a long term let if they are quiet over winter, but I imagine the trouble would be if they have short term Christmas bookings etc.

I'm glad you're moving on. He's not loving, he's treating you as a convenience and a cash point. He's so uncaring and disrespectful when he's spoken to you in the posts above. Unthinkable. Life will be so much better.

Let’s keep it positive all 😊your support it what’s getting me through this. It’s took me a long while to have the guts to tell him how I felt, it’s taking more to keep it going

You are really well out of it, OP! The dismount may be tricky but oh the freedom when you have moved on.

You’re well rid of this horrible man.

I’m going to ring the estate agents in the local area tomorrow. With thought, the house near to us that came up for rent earlier this year didn’t go on right move for weeks, but was on the local estate agents website within days - I only know this because out of pure interest at how much they were marketing it for I had a look. So I’m thinking maybe if I try to get calls from them directly instead? I’ve got quite a specific area. I’m in a really good financial position, good credit rating, savings - and I can also gain a good reference from my previous letting agency too. Fingers crossed something comes up quickly. I hate that I’m having to do this, but I know it’s the right thing to do, and I have my little team, me and my kids.

The air BnB one I just couldn’t do - it was depressing to say the least. I mean, I’m desperate but I just couldn’t put my kids in there.

well done for being proactive. I how he realizes what he’s losing for being tight and untruthful.

Why do these men take all and never give? Mind boggles sometimes.

By your way of thinking he would own the car and the house and OP would walk away with the clothes she stands up in.

You can’t jointly own a car. Only one person can own a car. OP has paid for the car. It’s her car.

You can jointly own a house. OPs ex wants her to pay for the house too, just not own any of it.

This isn’t irony. This is you not understanding what irony means.

If you marry a new man and then divorce, he can take half of your property which could leave you and your kids in a very bad position

No OP would sell her house, ring fence the deposit and pay jointly towards a joint asset.

Which is what she was asking him to do.

Together for 5 years, lived together for 3. I’ve made it clear I want marriage and commitment, he has made it clear he doesn’t

Why on Earth didn't you end it then and there? Were you hoping he'd change his mind?

Editted to make it make sense.

@FrostFlowers2025 He future faked her by claiming to be warming to the idea of marriage.

Where? I have read and reread OP's post and it seems he was very clear from the get go.