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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is bu regarding lifts?

195 replies

Nostalgianostalgic · 28/09/2024 17:12

There are two people. Gordon and Billy.

Billy is giving Gordon a lift regularly. That's fine and Billy doesn't mind at all under the circumstances. Without going into it all it's a reasonably arrangement.

But when Billy goes to pick Gordon up Billy texts Gordon just as he's leaving to say "on way". It's a 2 minute drive away.

When Billy arrives, he's having to wait several minutes for Gordon to come out to the car and is getting annoyed.

Gordon says that Billy should text again to say that he's there, but Billy thinks as he's helping Gordon, that Gordon should be ready and waiting at the door.

Who is bu?

OP posts:
MissRoseDurward · 28/09/2024 19:18

If Billy always picks up Gordon at 8.30, and is always punctual, there's no need for any 'on my way' text. Gordon needs to get his arse out of the door at 8.29 and be there waiting. Billy, as the one doing the favour, should never be put to any extra trouble. (I'm someone who sometimes gets a lift. The person giving the lift says when and where, I make sure I'm there waiting.)

exprecis · 28/09/2024 19:19

If I was Billy, I would text when I was leaving to say I was outside

ILoveNigelTufnel · 28/09/2024 19:19

Gordon is extremely rude. You are ready and waiting for someone if they’re picking you up so you are not waiting for you.

I stopped picking up a friend because she made us late every time for a lesson. It was so embarrassing and really rude. I could be waiting up to 10 minutes for her. And what really pissed me off was that one day I didn’t arrive until a couple of minutes late due to roadworks and she was cross I was a couple of minutes late BUT then I had to stand in her hallway waiting for her to finish tidying up and then putting her shoes on.

Haven’t picked her up since and I won’t be again. It’s really fucking rude.

Loving Gordon is a moron though 😃 what a blast from the past 😃

1909sunset · 28/09/2024 19:20

Billy should text ‘I’m here’ instead of ‘leaving now’ by the time he gets there Gordon should be outside.

ThisHangryPinkBalonz · 28/09/2024 19:20

Justsayit123 · 28/09/2024 17:22

Gordon is a twat

Bingo

Yamantau · 28/09/2024 19:22

ive been the guilty one at times with the waiting but yes if your being collected you need to be ready as soon as they are pulling up, thats what i do now

CurlewKate · 28/09/2024 19:32

It's so much of a non issue. Unless it's actually a 10 minute wait.

Mumsnet is very weird about lifts.

Brefugee · 28/09/2024 19:34

Billy needs to drive off a couple of times. That will buck Gordon's ideas up.

listsandbudgets · 28/09/2024 19:36

YourSnugHazelTraybake · 28/09/2024 17:14

Is Billy arriving at the same time every day? If so Gordon is unreasonable as he knows when to be ready. If the time varies billy is unreasonable as two minutes notice is too short.

This

LookItsMeAgain · 28/09/2024 19:39

Gordon IBU.

Next time, suggest that Billy doesn't actually send a text but arrives at Gordon's place and sticks his hand on the horn until Gordon gets his ass in gear and is ready for the lift.

Or Gordon can get a taxi and stop being such a pain in the ass.

Marine30 · 28/09/2024 19:39

Gordon clearly believes his time is far
more important than Billy’s.

LifeIsNeverKind · 28/09/2024 19:39

Gordon can get the fucking bus

Pingpongglitch · 28/09/2024 19:42

"Without going into it all it's a reasonably arrangement"

I wonder it that means Gordon is giving Billy money.

There may be some nuance to the situation, depending on that and other factors.

Does Billy moan to you about it and then tell Gordon, "no problem mate". Many spouses do that.

Does Billy show up early or at different times every day and surprise Gordon with his two minute warning, causing a panic to get out the door. 120 seconds isn't much warning.

Does Gordon have any carer duties that might hold him up for a couple of minutes because a carer can have unexpected issues getting out the door on time.

My DH has a similar arrangement with his mate from work. He pays him for more than enough to cover the petrol for the entire journey for both of them. He also got the mate his full time position with pay rise by giving a personal recommendation to the bosses. He also helps that mate with procedural paperwork elements of his job that he has issues remembering. These things aren't always a one way street so it's hard to tell if YABU. Does Gordon do anything for Billy that Gordon might find a ball ache.

It's easy to say Gordon is a knob without knowing the ins and outs of the situation.

Maybe he is, maybe not completely.

Original poster
Nostalgianostalgic · 28/09/2024 19:56

Pingpongglitch · 28/09/2024 19:42

"Without going into it all it's a reasonably arrangement"

I wonder it that means Gordon is giving Billy money.

There may be some nuance to the situation, depending on that and other factors.

Does Billy moan to you about it and then tell Gordon, "no problem mate". Many spouses do that.

Does Billy show up early or at different times every day and surprise Gordon with his two minute warning, causing a panic to get out the door. 120 seconds isn't much warning.

Does Gordon have any carer duties that might hold him up for a couple of minutes because a carer can have unexpected issues getting out the door on time.

My DH has a similar arrangement with his mate from work. He pays him for more than enough to cover the petrol for the entire journey for both of them. He also got the mate his full time position with pay rise by giving a personal recommendation to the bosses. He also helps that mate with procedural paperwork elements of his job that he has issues remembering. These things aren't always a one way street so it's hard to tell if YABU. Does Gordon do anything for Billy that Gordon might find a ball ache.

It's easy to say Gordon is a knob without knowing the ins and outs of the situation.

Maybe he is, maybe not completely.

You're way way off the mark with all of that.

OP posts:
EmpressaurusDeiGatti · 28/09/2024 19:59

So Gordon is a knob?

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 28/09/2024 20:00

Eddielizzard · 28/09/2024 17:25

Gordon schmordon

GrinGrinGrin

Luddite26 · 28/09/2024 20:04

Gordon is a moron.

Original poster
Nostalgianostalgic · 28/09/2024 20:09

CurlewKate · 28/09/2024 19:32

It's so much of a non issue. Unless it's actually a 10 minute wait.

Mumsnet is very weird about lifts.

It's not a non issue though is it.

Billy is regularly giving Gordon a lift somewhere after Billy going straight from having a full day at work. There is a very short window time to get to where they need to go and Billy is stopping en route to pick Gordon up.

Gordon is causing them to be late when Billy is already tired and in a hurry after work.

Why should Billy have to wait around for several minutes?

OP posts:
SeaToSki · 28/09/2024 20:09

Gordon should get his shoes on when Billy texts to say he is leaving and be waiting outside when Billy arrives

If I was Billy I would do one of two things
start texting I’m outside as he is leaving
tell Gordon that if he isnt outside when Billy arrives, then he wont wait…and stick to it

ThanksHunPenneys · 28/09/2024 20:12

Nostalgianostalgic · 28/09/2024 19:56

You're way way off the mark with all of that.

Show quote history

It's unreal the made up situations that posters invent to suit their own agenda, isn't it?

Blueroses99 · 28/09/2024 20:13

Nostalgianostalgic · 28/09/2024 18:32

But Gordon knows that Billy is coming at a certain time anyway. It's already arranged.

The on way is literally just a heads up.

Gordon thinks that Billy should text again to say he's outside.

Show quote history

Gordon is BU. However, it sounds like Gordon’s not the kind of person to get ready until it’s time to go, even if there’s an arranged time, and then it takes at least 5 minutes. I’d be sending the ‘on way’ message 5 minutes earlier than leaving. He then has 7 minutes to get ready and hopefully Billy won’t have to wait. If this arrangement is to continue, it may help reduce Billy’s frustration.

CurlewKate · 28/09/2024 20:15

@Nostalgianostalgic Well, if Gordon is making them late then that's a different story. Why don't people give all the facts!

Original poster
Nostalgianostalgic · 28/09/2024 20:19

@ThanksHunPenneys yes, it's incredible!

OP posts:
Mix56 · 28/09/2024 20:20

If anybody has to wait, its not the Driver.
Driver needs to say, I will msg you before leaving, if you're not ready & waiting on the pavement, I am leaving. as I am fed up of being late.

CeciCC · 28/09/2024 20:21

I used to pick up my little brother from a night club every Sunday at 11. This is well before mobiles phones even existed. They were always late and we had to wait for them. Their excuse was that they didn't know when I would be there.😡
My answer was .. that's beyond the matter. You have to be at the meeting point at 11. If you are not, I will leave and then you have to make your way home somehow.. 15 miles with no public transport. The meeting point didn't really have anywhere that I could park, so I had to drive around until they arrived. They thought that was not fair on them, which I replied then found someone else to pick you up. Needless to say they were at the meeting point at 11 every Sunday. 😜😎