To not be home?

[moo899]

Has already happened now so I guess more of a Was IBU...

My exdp and I share a young child. He's got no PR currently, we just have a loose arrangement between us for EOW at the moment.

He's quite demanding and nasty for context.

Recently I've had to swap a lot of "his" days for him as he's not been available on the agreed days. Fine.

Saw DC last weekend due to this. Seeing DC next weekend too.

This weekend is "his" weekend... but he said he wasn't available due to work hence the swaps.

He decided 2 days ago to text me and tell me that it's his weekend and a family member will come to collect our DC.

I queried this as we have already swapped around weekends as he said he was working, and this would mean I wouldn't get a weekend with child for 3 weeks in a row.

He told me it's too bad and X will be collecting child at a certain time today.

I've just gone out.

Have I been unreasonable?

I'd do as the poster upthread said, tell him to tell his lawyer to put it all in writing and then you will pass it on to your lawyer (doesn't matter if you don't even have one!) and then it can be taken from there. He sounds all bluster and big man talk and he's hoping to bully you. Don't let him.

have you received anything actually in writing from this lawyer?

but yes, sharing transportation is often seen is reasonable by the family courts

how old is your baby op?

This. All of this.

And you're not being petty.

I agree. He has reared up from nowhere and thinks he's going to call the shots.
Nah.

He can’t just move 2 hours away, then expect you to deliver DC to him. He’s bluffing you—trying to get you to agree to his terms, to make you believe that if he ends up taking you to court, it will be way more difficult for you, so you’d better do as he says/wishes.

It's unlikely he even has a lawyer. And no actual lawyer/solicitor would tell him such nonsense. This is a tactic to scare you into 'behaving'

Stay strong op.

no i know someone who moved away from thheir dc an court sai they had to do all the driving as they chose to move away

a soliitor an say anything (theyre not even called lawyers) its not legally enforable

Thanks all. I definitely won't be agreeing to anything, unless a court orders it.
I'm exhausted as it is and barely hanging on to my job with the commute I have, I have health issues too. This would just be one more thing if I've then got to factor in doing a long drive to drop off or collect.

I don't know if it makes a difference, the home he's living in now he's always had, even when we were together. I've always had my home too.
He used to rent a house closer to where I live, as his work base is closer to here than where he lives.
But he's gone back to his original home now that the tenants are gone.

Just message back and that you already spend xx hours a fortnight driving DC to nursery & toddler groups compared to the 4 hours ex does a fortnight. And your lawyer feels that this, together with the fact that it is ex that moved away, means you shouldn’t share in his travel time.

Actually, might be best just to ignore him and not get yourself stressed.

Nope.
Don't feed into it with a reaction, particularly one that scorns his involvement. The premise is that he WANTS to be involved more. That's what he's pushing for. A reply like this would just fire him up.

The best response is none. At a push, "I'll wait to hear from your lawyer then."

I'm just keeping any answers short and factual, I'm not going to educate him!
He seems completely oblivious to PR considering he has some sh*t hot lawyer supposedly. I'm not gonna tell him he doesn't have rights atm that's for him to find out

Yep OP that's absolutely the way to go.

Www.rights of women.org.uk

are awesome. Free helpline staffed by family law barristers and solicitors.

agree, not to get drawn into a discussion nor to allow any precedent to be set that you don’t want to become routine. The harder he has to work to see your dc the better. Stick to your guns. 💪

Thing is, it is his choice. He has no ties to the place he lives, he doesn't work there, he has no other children, financially stable, he's free to move closer to his dc if the travel is an issue for him. But this is where they live and always have. Settled in their home life and nursery, activities.
I already do 99% of the parenting and he's already moaning and acting hard done by to do this drive to see them.
The audacity

Not saying moving isn't a big thing of course it is. But it's not my issue which he's trying to make it. I'd totally get it if I'd moved away from him with dc but I haven't

The parent who chooses to move away is generally held responsible for travel costs and driving for parental contact.
edit: so don’t allow him to set a precedent where you share this burden.

You lnow he's not got a lawyer don't you?

He's trying to frighten you. He sounds like a bully.

He's probably been on the father's for justice website or something.

I've said previously the child is under 3.

I'd also be getting a Ring/video doorbell too as you said he's been horrible during handovers plus it'd give you some peace of mind.