To not be home?

[moo899]

Has already happened now so I guess more of a Was IBU...

My exdp and I share a young child. He's got no PR currently, we just have a loose arrangement between us for EOW at the moment.

He's quite demanding and nasty for context.

Recently I've had to swap a lot of "his" days for him as he's not been available on the agreed days. Fine.

Saw DC last weekend due to this. Seeing DC next weekend too.

This weekend is "his" weekend... but he said he wasn't available due to work hence the swaps.

He decided 2 days ago to text me and tell me that it's his weekend and a family member will come to collect our DC.

I queried this as we have already swapped around weekends as he said he was working, and this would mean I wouldn't get a weekend with child for 3 weeks in a row.

He told me it's too bad and X will be collecting child at a certain time today.

I've just gone out.

Have I been unreasonable?

he’s correct about that

how far does he live from you OP?

do you drive?

YANBU in not being in. You have your life, he is OOO and you don't need to accommodate his every whim.

Go to court, his inability to provide consistency will go against him. He will raise this example of you being unreasonable, so make sure you have full details of what you'd arranged because he asked for a rearrangement and why you then couldn't accommodate a last minute change - visit to family, play area, meal booked etc. The court will understand this.

So many of us have kids with men who don't deserve to be parents, it's sad :(

Hope you and your DC are OK x

2 hours.

We both drive.

Ex having moved is something to ask your solicitor about, if you haven’t already. Judges generally don’t penalise the other parent’s time with DC when one parent moves. (If this is a military assignment or similar it might be different.)

Maybe focus on what you want and what is best for DC. Who cares how ex feels about it?

I think it’s time to get a Child Arrangement Order and do no more swaps.

Even if he went for 50/50, you can insist on both of you having alternate weekends so the child can see extended family on both sides/chill with both parents.

Not going to court will result in him abusing you like this for years. It’s not fair on the kids either - they need the option to plan stuff at weekends eg party attendance and will want to spend time with you too.

bloody hell
poor child

come on op. you need to formalise this

by going out rather than addressing the situation meant the relative had a four hour round trip. That isn’t going to help relations going forward.

You. red mediation at the very least. and YOU are going to he to progress it op

That would be an interesting convo...

Hello 999...please send a squad car to my ex... She refuses to be oppressed by me... I want everything my own way... 😁😁

I would be going to family court in your shoes OP...

Courts often view shit like this badly...

Go to court

OP if I'd driven 2 hours to collect the toddler I'd wait for you to come home too. Did you let them no you wouldn't be home? How long are you staying out for?

I get that it's bad his relatives had a long drive- but is that not on him? Id told him I wasn't agreeable to it, due to the swaps.

But he just told me that they WILL be coming whether I like it or not.

I was out all day.

Respond to his claim that your solicitor says you have the right of first refusal, if he isn't collecting and caring for your child on his time then you won't be handing DC over to anyone else. DC can spend time with these relatives but father must be present.

ok so lots of back and forth

but what are you going to do OP?

what is “right for first refusal” mean?

@moo899 you worded it like you'd just gone out today. What was his response? And yes the travelling relative is on him, but that doesn't mean people won't be annoyed at you or that it will make your life easier.

Court...

Yanbu. 'We agreed in writing to swap weekends. Therefore this is my weekend and we had plans ao won't be in. You wouldn't accept me withholding child on the weekend that was originally mine that we swapped. Please tell relarive not to

Waste thei time again

Stop accommodating his request to swap. Send an email of the dates your dc will be made available for contact for the rest of the year. And stick to that schedule.. That's more than legally /morally he's entitled to as he has no PR or court order... Remember if he collects and refuses to bring dc back police are on your side as he isn't on the bc.. Get a payg phone for him to contact you on. Block him on your proper phone. Keep all abusive messages.. Build a case basically incase he turns into a bigger twat..

That OP has the right to be the one to look after her child when the father will be outsourcing his childcare on his time to someone else. The obligation is for him to have contact with his child. The agreement has been made to EOW, if he can't have his child on his weekend then he must give OP the opportunity to before any other childcare arrangements in his absence.

I'm this instance here, she already said no he couldn't have DC this weekend anyway and he sent someone else to take the child. Even if she had agreed to him having DC she didn't agree to someone else having custody of her child.

Seeing the update that they live two hours away, I think you were in the wrong there. I'd be pretty damn annoyed doing a four hour round trip. Although I do take the point that he's the one that's changed the dates around and you can't always accommodate him.

The wisest thing to have done in this situation is to say to him, okay, as contact is still going ahead on your scheduled weekend, we'll revert to the schedule and I'll have DC next weekend, and then we fall nicely back into our cycle.

Ring doorbell is your friend here

My ex tells everyone I salivate over him and try desperately to get him into bed I point out everything is recorded and we don't even "speak" as the kids are old enough just to say bye mom and walk out the door!